I’m talking about taking him to Michael’s Crafts. After going to the gym this morning, I
needed wanted to go to Michael’s to look at picture frames (that’s just what I told him, I really wanted to look at everything, and I do mean everything) for a print he brought back from Puerto Rico of an antique map of all the islands. I had the pic with me (as my prop) and he decided he didn’t want to just sit in the car because for some reason or another he believed that I spoke the truth when I said that I just wanted to look AT ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY. He actually thought that I planned to walk in a craft store and aim for the frames, get the proper size, and depart. Is he living on another planet? Hasn’t being married to me for almost twenty years taught him anything?
First I said,
“Oh, I’m not sure exactly where the picture frames are.”
“How about we look down here?” “That’s obviously not it, but aren’t those Hello Kitty playing cards totes adorbs?”
“Hmm, maybe we should try over there, that looks like it might be…wow, Chirstmas decorations already?”
Shiny objects tend to have an almost hypnotic effect on me.
“What were we in here for again?”
“Right, picture frames…here we go.”
“Oops, sorry, we seem to be in the scrapbooking area, let’s try that other aisle.”
“Oops again, now we’re stuck in the bead area.
OMG, look at that turquoise. Look at the rhinestones.”
“Hey, where d’ja go?”
“No, I had no idea the frames were on the opposite side of the store.”
“What did you say?”
“Do I plan to go up and down every single damn blank blank aisle in this blank blank store?”
“Welllll…to be perfectly honest, YES!!! You can’t really expect me not to; it’s intoxicating in here.”
“I. Am. Not. Your. Girlfriend.”
“I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD EITHER GET A PICTURE FRAME OR WALK OUT OF THE STORE. NOW!”
“Geez, don’t have a cow.”
I quickly (and by that I mean leisurely) looked up and down each frame aisle, TWICE, and did not find the one that made me happy, so we left.