Tugboat wife for the defense, your Honor

I’ve been nursing a sore throat on and off for a couple of weeks. I tried gargling with organic apple cider vinegar, drinking ginger tea, taking a lot of EmergenC, and nothing seemed to help so I went to the doctor and found out I have tonsillitis! Who gets that anymore? I’m taking that wonder drug, the Z-pak, only five days of antibiotics.

While I was at the doctor’s office,  I concocted what I believe to be a fabulous story, a logical defense just as if I was an attorney. Maybe I was delirious with fever, but it seemed brilliant at the time.  With a nod to my dad, who was an attorney, here it is, a re-creation of the conversation between the captain and me as he drove me to the pharmacy. (He had driven me to the doc, then went alone to PepBoys, thank goodness, and came back to pick me up. We’re still one car short; he’s not finished rebuilding the seat motor. As you can surmise, he needs something to do when he’s home and not out to sea, and if there’s no surf, it’s home/car projects:)

A pretty accurate verbatim transcript:

“Isn’t it a shame that I get so many sore throats?”

“Yes, it is, you do get a lot of them.”

“And this one is your fault because you brought home the strange germs from your flight from Puerto Rico, right?”

“Well, sure, if you say so.”

“And since the throat is very near the heart, and it’s entirely possible for a bacterial infection to travel, it’s entirely possible that I could contract a very serious heart valve infection, don’t you agree?”

“To be honest with you, I’m not sure I know where you’re going with this.”

“Pay attention and try follow my logic. I’m only looking out for your best interests. I want you to be happy.”

Huh?”

“Let’s say that I became very ill and died from something like that, or anything else unexpected, and let’s just say that you had not gotten me that Chanel 2.55 handbag that I’ve been drooling over for a long time, the only thing that I want in this whole world…think of how bad you would feel that you had not done the one thing that would have made me happy, how if I could have carried my Chanel even one time, than you would know for the rest of your life that you had fulfilled my every dream.”

“Don’t you get it? I want to make sure that you won’t have any regrets. I’m looking out for your future happiness.”

“Stop laughing. It’s not nice to laugh at someone who doesn’t feel good. That’s not very compassionate. No really. STOP LAUGHING.”

“Geez, it was only a suggestion. Well, you’ll be sorry. You’ll have to carry that burden with you for the rest of your life when I’m gone. The one thing that would have made my life complete and it would be too late. Is that how you want it to be?”

“OK, real funny. Turn the volume down. The radio’s so loud you can’t possibly hear me!”

I admit that it’s a very shallow, superficial, and unimportant desire, but it doesn’t make me long for a Chanel any less knowing that. I don’t think this approach was as brilliant as I thought it was, but I’m extremely tenacious, and I’ll wear him down one way or another! A girl can dream, can’t she? Oh, and in case you were wondering,  I do chat about ninety percent more than the captain does. He’s very quiet, calm, mellow, and I’m, well, I’m NOT. 

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9 thoughts on “Tugboat wife for the defense, your Honor

  1. We have West Coast vs. East Coast germ battles all the time. Sorry you have tonsilitis. You should also gargle salt water… hadn’t heard of gargling vinegar though the Chief swears by a sip of vinegar a day. (Gross! if you ask me.) Feel better soon! And I hope you get that purse. I’m hoping for a new camera myself.

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    • Thank you, I will try the salt gargle, anything to stop the feeling that knives are stabbing me in the throat. Aarrgh. The vinegar’s not so bad when you get used to it…Hey, a camera is cool! It’s what ever you want that makes it the best thing ever!

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  2. I have been sick as well and developed laryngitis today so I feel your pain. The cold bug has been going around at work so I knew it was inevitable I would get it. My coworker who has laryngitis also said her doctor recommend warm saltwater gargles. They must be beneficial for an irritated throat? I hope you feel better soon!

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