Hairy Hannukah Harry and the story of Hannukah 2012

…or the continuing saga of my life. As my first husband’s mother said to my mom, “isn’t it such a shame you wasted so much money on her education. She doesn’t really seem to do much of anything, does she?”

Looky here, readers, you all need to stop whining right now. Right now, I say!

I’ve peeked inside your private lives. Here’s a typical scenario:

8:00 a.m. You’re home with your spouse before leaving the house to go to work or he goes to work while you “stay home to take care of the kids” which really means you’re going to Tweet and shop all day and change a diaper or two, only if necessary. Not all of you, but enough to make it true. And I know it’s true ‘cos who do you think I tweet with all day?

Spouse: “I’ll home home at six. See ya.”

{Smooch goodbye}

crzy cat lady bathrobe

This is awesome.

Wife pulls the ratty bathrobe a bit tighter and rebelts it because an important message is acoming…

“Now you come right home after work, don’t stop anywhere; no bars, no strip clubs, nothin’. You come right home, ya hear me?  I’m making something special for dinner tonight.”

Spouse: “OK”

He walks out to the car. Five seconds after leaving the house, before the car even backs out of the driveway, he totally forgot everything his wife said. Typical, right?

6:00 p.m.- no hubby

6:15 p.m – no hubby

6:30 p.m. Here it comes…the power texting, phoning, emailing commences.

{no response}

burned dinner in oven7:00 p.m. Dinner burns. wife drank all the wine, spends time sharpening knives. Candles burnt down to nubs, the smoke of one burnt out candle with its acrid scent floats through the air.

The scissors come out to make a few strategic alterations in his favorite t-shirt.

She opens another bottle of wine.

8:00 p.m. His car drives up, front door opens, “Hi honey, I’m home!”

“WHERE. WERE. YOU.”

‘Wha? Why is it so dark in here?”

Where. were. you. I called. I emailed. I texted.”

“Ohhh…didn’t I mention I’d be late today? I -uh- thought I did.”

-End scene-desperate housewives

OK, I could go on and on but the point is that when 99% of you get mad at your significant others when they’re late; when work or whatever–delays their arrival at the appointed hour–you all need to STOP WHINGING AND WHINING about it!!

Since the world revolves around me, take a walk around South Coast Plaza in my shoes (not the Gucci ones, tho. I wear a 5 1/2 and your feet’d stretch ‘em all out.) I was expecting the captain tomorrow, Thursday. I cleaned the house, washed the windows, planned and anticipated the whole homecoming–even made a new welcome home sign–and he called and said he’d be LATE.

HE’S GOING TO BE A MONTH AND A HALF LATE!

HE WON’T BE BACK UNTIL SOMETIME NEXT JANUARY 201THREE!!

I’m not saying not to be pissed at your inconsiderate spouse–I would never think to deprive you of that joy–just think about ME next time.

OKAY?

Your “late” and my “late” are two different things altogether.

Ahem. Now, to give equal time to my cultural background as a full blooded Jewish American Princess, may I formally present to you my Hannukah installation….with the one and only Hairy Hannukah Harry holding the torah. Eight candles represent the eight days that I had to wait before I could spend more of the captain’s hard earned money and buy a huge bottle of Chance by Coco Chanel (of course.)

Hannukah candles

Forget Elf Shaming, try Hannukah Harry!

Chance by Chanel

Of course I got the larger size. ‘Cos I’m worth it.

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32 thoughts on “Hairy Hannukah Harry and the story of Hannukah 2012

    • I’m not really mad at him, just venting. He’s at the north pole with Santa, -8below, so he’d definitely appreciate a warm dinner! Happy Hannukah, I know I’m a bit early, but I’m pretty busy the next couple of days so I had to do it today!

      On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 6:06 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

    • You are so kind! Don’t worry about me, as long as there’s a seashell and a place to glue it, I’ll be OK. I like to garden and shop equally, it’s time to get at one with nature. I’m done with shopping for a while. I don’t have too many friends, but that’s a post I’m working on.

      On Wed, Dec 5, 2012 at 9:29 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • We are now, officially dear friends. I wish you were closer and I would force you to teach me all about Hannukah and we would celebrate together. And garden and maybe a little shopping too.

        Like

  1. Ugh, a month and a half late? oi vey!! Well sounds like you just need to do some more shopping :-)
    Happy Hannukah and as a single woman no one is ever late for me :-)

    Like

    • I’m properly stocked with all the important things you mentioned. I could work on some embellished mirrors to sell too, thank you and happy hannukah right back!

      On Thu, Dec 6, 2012 at 9:24 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

    • Oh guuurrrrllll, you read my mind!! I just bought that giant size Chanel perfume to console me in my sorrow, the wallet is next. Don’t worry, I’ll annoy everyone with pix. It’s the cross I bear (ha ha, you’re crossbones) to maintain a shallow, superficial persona around here. Wouldn’t want to disappoint…

      On Thu, Dec 6, 2012 at 10:58 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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  2. We don’t even know each other but you’ve given me a gift this year. Thanks for the dose of perspective. Needed and received. Now back to making the 10 dozen cookies I promised my husband’s charity committee on Saturday and the latkes my sons will complain about having to eat . . .

    Like

  3. Hopefully you’ll have a Happy Hannukah, Hon,anyway! I sincerely hope you have peace. I am so sorry,(crap am month and a half late? ),that the Capt. won’t be around to light YOU up along with the candles!
    Mothers-in-law! Don’t get me started! One day, you’ll hear about mine…
    As for mothers, well,I have yet to hear a Jewish mother joke that doesn’t work just as well if you substitute “Italian mother” instead.

    Like

    • So true, Italian, Jewish moms. Caring, good cooks, annoying…! I appreciate your concern, and I will find lots of things to stay busy, it’s just not the same without my best buddy. But, things always change, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed!

      On Thu, Dec 6, 2012 at 1:29 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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    • Thank you. He’s really amazing or I wouldn’t put up with HIS bs job. He never used to go away like this. Plus ya might as well know since we just met and all that I’m fixated on Chanel, and he told me to buy one for an early xmas/hann present, and I did. Hard to hate a guy like that. I try, but then I look at my bag! I’m a very shallow person!

      On Sun, Dec 9, 2012 at 2:38 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

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