OK, it’s kinda creepy to write my own obit but I used to write copy at a local TV station and one of my jobs was to call the county and troll the newspapers (way before the internet) to learn if anybody “important” had died and write the obit so this is not a new concept to me. It’s also a device therapists use to prove some kind of point in couples therapy–I’m not sure what exactly, as I’ve never been to therapy, although many have suggested it! And I do mean many.
Princess Rosebud of Enchanted Seashells is dead. Her stupid ass tugboat captain husband went out to sea and never came home. She was polishing her ten-carat diamond purchased with the insurance money, took a good look at it under the loupe to make sure there wasn’t any dirt in the crevices, tripped over one of her many cats; the diamond flew into the air, her mouth opened to scream, good old gravity caused the trajectory of the diamond to end up in her open mouth, and she choked on it and died. When her son finally called the police to make a welfare check, the body was unrecognizable because the eight cats and six dogs had been VERY hungry. The good news is that the swallowed diamond was left intact and looked none the worse for wear.
Wow! She is still feeling blue, isn’t she? Someone needs to do some serious shopping today.
Ha ha, she feels much less hostile after working out hard at the gym. No shopping today. Too crowded!
On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 7:47 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
Damn, but you’re so funny when you’re hostile.
You are too funny! Now maybe you should write mine!?
Let me get a little less hostile and I could do a better job on a nice person like you!
On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 7:58 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
Sounds like a better end than most can hope for.
I think you should work in a can of tuna and a a housecoat, just to give it that extra depth…
Damn you, did you install a nanny cam somewhere in my house? Did you? I’m more the bleach stained sweats, if you must know…
On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 8:31 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
Wow! Wonderful! Now THIS is what an obit should be like!
Thank you very kindly. I’m going to email it to the captain so he can see what happens to me when he abandons me. I go bonkers!
On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 9:22 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
And the same to you! Choking on a diamond doesn’t sound like a very happy ending to me.
Wow. I think I understand why they use this as a type of therapy.
P.S. Penny has been looking over my shoulder while I’m reading your post and said, “Oh! It’s snowing!”
Hi to Penny, I love the snow! I think in therapy you’re prob supposed to list some of the pretend deceased best qualities they would miss, I don’t think you’re supposed to be facetious. Oh well. thanks for commenting!
Did you ever see the movie “The Ghost and Mrs. Muir.” I see you writing this great novel with a Sea Captain and then making lots of money!!
Yes, I did see that movie! Are you inside my head? I’ve even called him “the ghost” because he’s just a voice now, a once a day phone call, I tell him he doesn’t really exist, I love the making tons of $$. I love that a lot!
On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 8:20 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
We do have a connection – that’s the first image that popped into my head….I can tell our adventures are just beginning…
Gee, you’re not bitter about Ol’ Capt. not being home for the holidays, are you? It’s OK, Hon!
(Cats, seriously?You like cats, too?)
LOVE cats, working on a post about my darling Bandit. We called her our daughter. Miss her a lot.
On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 10:10 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
Oh, God, Shells, that’s right,I’m sorry.Boy , this is just not my day for remembering.I’d better go to bed!
No worries my dear! I’m going to go to bed too, I just stayed up to take a call from the capt.
On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 10:17 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
I am laughing so hard right now. I just love you! Thanks for the morning giggle! I needed it. xo
Ok, so can Princess Presents be written in the will to be gifted the black and the white chanels? hee hee
I think it’s only fair to gift them to you, don’t you? You might have to fight my DIL for them and she’s a strong chicka, but the battle might be fun to watch from heaven! Just don’t hurt the chanel(s)
Oh heck, I beat breast cancer ~ what’s a little DIL got that cancer didn’t? But hey, tell her that I’d be willing to share!
in that case, you moved up a few spots in the queue! Stay fighting, my friend!
On Sun, Dec 9, 2012 at 9:57 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
<3
back at ya!
Brava! I have seen a few of these floating around, but this one is grand. MOD is the part left out of most, otherwise good, obits. Great capture.
Psst…I am a mermaid. Never mind the ten children.
Prove it!
The 15th Day of Christmas
Repeating myself on this comment cos your spambot hates jewish princesses: “I bow to your mermaid-i-ness. You are a lovely mermaid. I will stalking and lurking and sneaking behind furniture to spy on you from now on. I’ll be sticking to you like….glue.”
No, no hate. You have to leave two comments at M3 and then you are full steam ahead with no hang ups.
OMG, I’m so overwhelmed and grateful for your comment I do declare I feel a bout of the vapors comin’ on. Oh, lawzie me, lawzie me, you’re too kind…one of my sisters once told me, I can always depend upon the kindness of strangers, and she was so right, so right. Give me a moment to gather myself.
(Really, thank you!) ***Tell your friends, tell your literary agents, tell your publishers, please someone, DISCOVER ME!
*Grins* I am the publisher.
Duh, I KNOW that. I’m 5 steps ahead of you. Made ya say it, ha ha! BTW is your acronym MOD=Master of Disguise?
I tried to comment on your site but I must not be original ‘cos I got the message that I’ve said that before, duplicate comment, which I did not! So, here is my pithy commentary:
I bow to your mermaid-i-ness. You are a lovely mermaid. I will stalking and lurking and sneaking behind furniture to spy on you from now on. I’ll be sticking to you like….glue.
LOL Mode of Death in this instance, but Master of Disguise applies too me rather well.
Great writing for the soul! I think you should write a book!! It would be a fantastic funny bone book.
Funny you should say that…I am! And thank you VERY much! *(Hey, did you hear that, if any publishers are listening??? Ms.Petit4chocolatier thinks I should a book! I’m ready for the bidding to start!) * On Sat, Dec 8, 2012 at 12:40 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
EWwwwwww. No, she didn’t! Served as cat/dog food. RIP girl… you are bugging!
The dark side…I just read it over the phone to the captain. He didn’t really like it, well, he liked the writing, but he didn’t like the storyline of him dying, me choking and getting eaten by my animals…he prefers the upbeat and positive side of my humor, my gently mocking side. But I really liked this one, hope you did too!
On Sat, Dec 8, 2012 at 10:33 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo