Four Reasons I shouldn’t have left the house today

funny-grumpy-cat-meme-monday-goodTugboat Man Update…
Day 19: That’s how long my tugboat man’s been gone. He’s been out of cell phone range for more than a week which means I haven’t heard his voice, but the satellite email works, so I’ve been sending him all the news about Boston and the earthquake in China and the avalanche in Colorado, along with a daily surf check to let him know what he’s missing — including me, of course.

It was a weird day to be out and about. Here’s what I’m talking about:

Reason #1plumbers crack 1

My neighbor is driving me cray cray with his second childhood. OK, it’s getting warm enough here in SoCal for shorts and flipflops and stuff, but I wasn’t mentally prepared for the shorts-only look that greeted me when I stepped out my front door. Picture a sixty-something slightly overweight man wearing ONLY a pair of delightfullly low slung shorts bending over his hot rod.  I’m not talking plumber’s crack here, I’m talking the whole damn Grand Canyon. His wife must have been absent ‘cos all weekend long he had his male friends over and they were playing with their stupid cars, revving them up, moving them around, screeching up and down the street like teenagers. If this is the buttcrack of male menopause, my tugboat man better watch it. I won’t put up with any of that shizz, I can promise you that.

Reason #2

I had a few errands to run which is really just a roundabout way of saying I wanted to go shopping at my fave secret consignment shop where I’ve previously come away with the treasure of a vintage Valentino. I’m kinda sorta looking for a new outfit to wear out to lunch on Wednesday with a few ladies from Generation Fabulous so I tried on a bunch of clothes –nothing, nada, yuck. I guess it wasn’t in the stars today. I just HATE when I come home with nothing. My life has no meaning. Only kidding.

Reason #3

text some cardIs is ‘cos it’s Monday? Is it ‘cos the sun is out? Who knows what the reason is, but drivers were absolutely horrible today. Texting, on the phone, making turns with barely one free hand, speeding, cutting me off, tailgating, straddling two lanes, running stop signs, almost running over a pedestrian  — geez, it’s the Wild Wild West out here, y’all. You’re taking your life in your hands if you’re on a bicycle, too. I drove along Carlsbad Blvd. observing several close calls with cars and bicyclists in the BIKE LANE. Who needs helmets? You need full-on body armor around here if you ride a bicycle. Check out the articles below — it’s dangerous.

And then I came across the crazy car, which is Reason #4 that I should have stayed home.

crazy car carlsbadThis car is always parked in a different location in and around Carlsbad but I never see anyone with it or in it. The messages are never the same but this is the first time I’ve noticed a website: thatgreencar.com  Tell me what you think. It’s a WordPress  blog!  I’m still shaking my head. This is one of the comments: “`Who are you? What are you on? What dream world, 5th dement-tion are you from??? You are reeedicalous!”

How was your Monday? Was it manic?

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39 thoughts on “Four Reasons I shouldn’t have left the house today

  1. My daughter forgot her ID today, so I ran it down to the school and was greeted by two puzzled police officers and two administrators from the school. I’d walked into a Lock Down Drill. You’d think they’d have actually locked the doors for that, wouldn’t you? Or at least a sign telling people to pretend the door was locked and not come inside?

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  2. I LOVE Manic Monday. Entirely too perky for that title! =)

    There used to be a van around Tulsa that could easily have belonged to Westboro Baptist. I never thought that was such a great way to get a point across. Never mind attracting people to your beliefs!

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  3. We have a car like that in my hometown – we call it the “Jesus Van,” because of all the Jesus paraphernalia decorating it. It even has glittery garlands draped across it…only in California, eh?

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  4. First day back “at work” full time for me today… And, yet, I still think your Monday wins. Though, technically, I didn’t leave the house. I did have that going for me right off the bat.

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  5. So jealous that you get to shop AND do the GenFab meetup. Say hi to everyone for me. And have fun. I’m sure whatever you wear, you’ll look awesome. And I’m sorry for your shitty day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. :)

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  6. I will be wearing jeans and an old sweater to the GenFab lunch so you have nothing to worry about! And I will be looking for that car when I drive through Carlsbad. Wow! Can’t wait to meet you in person and am sure it will be a wonderful Wednesday!

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  7. hahaha My poor husband has lost weight recently, and his size 32 waist pants are too big. I’ don’t know what the deal is with male BC, but even my skinny little hubby definitely had it. Fortunately for the neighbors in our area – long tee shirt, and no one within visual view. I only knew because I was standing at the foot of the ladder making sure he didn’t fall, and I checked, so I could tease him about it. Your post is hilarious! :)

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