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Spit or Swallow?

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Are you blushing? I surely am. And giggling like I’m in junior high, too.

watermelon I meant WATERMELON SEEDS, of course. Geez. Head out of the gutter, people, pull-eeze!

It’s almost Memorial Day and everyone’s gonna be barbecuing and eating watermelon, and I was just wondering…do you spit or swallow?

What did you think I was referring to?

Now that I have your attention — er — way back in 1892, where would you go to discuss intimate topics?

Hmmm?

Have you ever thought about that?

The Cottage PhysicianYou certainly wouldn’t have found the answers in The Cottage Physician, the old medical book that’s endlessly fascinating to me.

(Every so often, I’ll blow the dust off and share interesting tidbits here on Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I do.)

As I was thumbing through the yellowed and worn pages, I discovered a chapter about marital relations.

That was before the days of sex education in school, “Our Bodies, Ourselves“, and even Mr. Rogers‘ “Everybody’s Fancy”.

If you can wade through the gobbledygook and read between the lines, let me know if you are as confused as I was.

Excerpt fom The Cottage Physician:

Man and Wife

A Plain Exposition of Their Duties, Moral, Mental, and Physical…

vintage weddingpicWe now meet, as it were, two pure beings at the altar, who have profited by the advice and example of judicious parents or guardians, of sound morals and social views; but notwithstanding that the crowning happiness of the two lovers has been achieved in their becoming man and wife, there is yet much to be considered and accomplished on the part of both before their feet are established upon a rock.

In the first moments of his matrimonial existence, then, the newly fledged husband must not suppose for a single instant the ears or the eyes of his wife are less chaste and pure than they were before she had become his in the sight of God and man.

Here is a point of vital importance, and one upon which such grave issues hang, that we place it in the very first rank our present observations.

Save in one instance alone, the conduct and consideration evinced towards the maiden must be mainly observed towards the wife; for through this manifestation of respect and delicacy, the freshness and novelty of courtship may be continued for an indefinite period.

Let the wife be preserved by the husband a beautiful mystery in part—let the natural veil of modesty which shrouds every pure woman be never ruthlessly torn apart, or her sense of propriety be blunted by coarse or indelicate remarks, and the charm of her being will never pall upon the sense, but, on the contrary be, as Shelley has it “A joy forever”.

tumblr_inline_mi33458irI1qz4rgpUh, OK. Right. Clear as a bell.

Eye roll.

Obviously — spit.

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Hermès and a Wind Rose; The Cosmic Connection

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Before there was…
logo-hermes-paris

There was…
hermespic

  • Hermès was the son of Maia and Zeus
  • He was the messenger of the gods and the god of merchants, travelers, and public speakers.
  • He was one of the twelve Olympian gods who resided on the summit of Mount Olympus.
  • His caduceus helped Hermès charm the gods and gain access to all locations.
  • Hermès was the only god who was authorized to visit Heaven, Earth and the Underworld.
  • He was often depicted ready for travel and wore a flat hat called a petasus.

compass-wind-rose-17937547Wind Rose

  • Used by mariners, a wind rose is a diagram that summarizes information about the wind at a particular location over a specified time period.
  • Before the use of magnetic compasses, a wind rose was a guide on mariners’ charts to show the directions of the eight principal winds.
  • The modern wind rose used by meteorologists gives the percentage of the time the wind blows from each direction during the observation period; it sometimes shows the strengths of these winds and the percentage of the time calm air or light winds are observed.
  • This wind rose usually has eight radiating lines whose lengths are proportional to wind frequency and shows wind strength by the thickness of the lines or by feathers attached to them.
  • The earliest-known wind roses appeared on navigation charts used in the thirteenth century by Italian and Spanish sailors.

Hermès + Wind Rose = a meant-to-be gift for ME.
A cosmic convergence of two worlds.

For a guy who once balked at paying fifty dollars for a bottle of Estee Lauder Pleasures perfume for our very first Christmas together, my tugboat man has surely mastered the art of generous gift giving.

Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

Our last couple of days zoomed by in a blur. Hub’s company called on Monday to ask him if he would relieve a captain who had to be flown home for a health-related reason.

He flew out Wednesday morning. Yet another seventy-five mile round-trip to the airport for me…

I’ve been talking nagging him about getting an Hermès scarf ever since I  bought my son an Hermès tie for his graduation last year. (The story of the Hermès tie will be highlighted in a future post.)

I really didn’t want my tugboat man to use up his last day at home by going shopping, but he twisted my arm.

He said the scarf was supposed to be a gift for my birthday but we never found the time to go to South Coast Plaza in Orange County or Fashion Valley in San Diego.

We were close to SCP when we hiked Crystal Cove although I didn’t want to experience the wonderfulness of Hermès in dusty hiking boots. That’s totes understandable, right?

So I finally acquiesced under the barrage of his relentless and persuasive arguments and gracefully allowed him the joy of making me happy.

Um, I mean, who am I to deny him that pleasure?

What can I say? I’m a spoiled beeyotch, I know, I know. But every girl needs at least one Hermes scarf to call her own. It’s true. I read that somewhere, I know I did…

Did you know that a postal worker from Texas designs some of the scarves from Hermès?My son, who possesses a vast store of knowledge about almost everything, heard about it on NPR, “How A Texas Postman Became An Hermès Designer” (click on the title to read the article.)

We asked the sales staff to pull out and display every scarf in the case. My hubs exhibited an inordinately high level of patience with me while I pondered each and every scarf; draping each and every one over my shoulder, gazing upon my reflection in the mirror.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who’s the fairest of them all?”

They were all beautiful and colorful and quirky — but not for me — not the one with sailboats nor the ones with horses and polo ponies nor the Native American themes (designed by the postal worker.)

I have high praise for the sales staff. They seemed to enjoy my shopping experience as much as we I did.

None spoke to me until I saw the scarf entitled  ”La Rose des Vents”.

It was a Wind Rose!

I turned to my tugboat man with shining eyes, “Isn’t this just the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen? It’s meant to be, right?”

“If you love it, I love it”, replied my perfectly trained and word-sparing husband.

Not just because it’s an ÜBER fashion house — even more profound, it’s a celebration of the beauty of a mariner’s world.

I must admit I became a bit teary-eyed at that moment, but not enough so that tears spilled over and damaged the delicate silk.

Back to the business at hand…

Navy red, brown

Navy red, brown

There were two color palettes from which to choose.
This one…or one with blues, pinks, greens, and yellows.

Which do you think I picked?

Join me as I fulfill another retail shopping dream…

HermesONE

My tugboat man takes the absolute worst pictures.
He refuses to use the zoom or focus.

Hermes2

I think I’m totally rocking the polka dot sweater from Target, don’t you?
It sooo sets off the orange Hermès bag.
If you look really hard, you can see that I need to get my roots done ASAP.
Do you see that tell-tale line of gray hair?
Too funny the way the sun reflects off it, right?

Hermes1

Now we’re home to prepare for the unveiling.
Yes, all the chairs in our dining room are covered in animal print. 

hermes4

Look at the box. Just look at it! All wrapped up with a logo ribbon. Sigh.

hermes5

I’m in heaven.
Is this the one you thought I would choose?

hermes6

Beautiful, beautiful silk.
And what’s this? It’s a wind rose!!!
“La Rose des Vents”
The Rose of the Winds.
Amazing, right?

hermes9

Do you see why I had to have it?
It’s maritime-related, and even better, “Rose” is part of my real-life name,
not just my nom de plume, Princess Rosebud.

hermes7

The colors are vibrant and amazing.
The silk feels like flower petals.

hermes8

It’s way more gorgeous in person.
The photos don’t do her justice, and I really need to iron the folds.

hermes10Way to go, my tugboat man, to once again make me feel like a real princess.
I hope you have calm winds, fair weather, and come home safe and soon.
xoxo

princess tiara

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Attachment Parenting: Are YOU Attached or Detached?

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Oh guurrl, pleeze!

Y’all don’t know WHAT “attachment parenting” really is.

Y’all just be amateurs if you think it ends when they start school!

time-magazine-breastfeeding-cover-time-magI’m sure by now everyone has seen the Time magazine cover of a breastfeeding four-year old, or here’s Wikipedia’s definition of attachment parenting: Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears,[1] is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology.

According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences.

Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child form a secure attachment style which fosters a child’s socio-emotional development and well-being.

Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of a child’s secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment.

I believe being a stay-at-home mom creates the best foundation for growth and creativity and builds a happy, secure child.

This is a fact: When I volunteered in my son’s classroom during his elementary school years, I could pick out every child who had a stay-at-home mom.

They were able to stay on task longer, and weren’t clingy and insecure because they received the appropriate healthy unconditional love from their parents, not a series of paid strangers.

I believe this is the best way and Nature’s Way to raise a child; however, it’s kind of a shame that we have gone so far astray from our natural bond with our children that we have to be educated about how to nurture a beneficial connection.

Sad.

My son ended nursing right around his first birthday. I wasn’t ready, but it was his decision,  his time.

I think it revealed his exceptional level of confidence that he was able to instinctively know that it was time to grow as autonomous individual.

But…I win the prize for limitless attachment parenting — Advanced AP, as it were.

When my son was planning his (university) junior year abroad to Germany, I told him I would plan to visit him.

Being a healthy, confident, secure (snotty teenager) child, he asked me if I would still visit him if he changed his mind and went even further away — to Japan, let’s say —  for his year abroad.

Of course, I replied.

He then asked me how far away would he have to go so that I would NOT visit him (i.e. check up on him), to which I responded:

“The umbilical cord is like a rubber band; it can stretch — but never break — and there isn’t anywhere on earth that you possibly go to get that far away from me.”

And to make sure he understood exactly what I meant and to indelibly inscribe it in his Muscle_RubberBand2brain, I pantomimed the action of stretching a rubber band between my two hands, and then mimicked the breaking of a stick.

And I have science to back me up in the article, Babies Never Leave You, or at Least Their Cells Don’t. (Jezebel)

You might think that once you give birth to a child that they’re no longer a part of you physically—except, of course, for the complete control they retain over your heart and mind.

Well, think again, because it turns out that during pregnancy some of their cells scatter in your body and stay there for years, maybe even forever.

So they are literally a part of us, like FOREVER.

It’s hard to decide whether that is magical or deeply creepy. While it’s been known for a while that fetal cells migrate into a mother’s body during pregnancy, it hasn’t really been understood what types of cells stick around and what they do.

Diana Bianchi, Executive Director of the Mother Infant Research Institute at Tufts Medical Center, and her colleagues have done a new study that sheds some light on what exactly is happening during this little alien invasion.

How much do you want to bet that they’ll eventually discover that it’s those crafty little cells that allow kids to exert control over their moms for life.

Need a hug? A ride to the mall? Some money?

Just activate your sleeper cells and suddenly your mother is physically incapable of resisting you.

See? Nature knows what it’s doing and is always looking out for you.

Baby’s Cells Mix and Mingle with Pregnant Mom’s [Live Science]

Postscript: There is a really funny AbFab episode in which Eddy talks about her son, Serge, the same way I did in real life. I watched this years after my comments, and I could not. stop. laughing. Art imitating life?

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Deja F***ing Vu — Hello and Goodbye

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Welcome to my world…

smelltugGuess who’s leaving again? You win! Easy to figure this one out. Yup. Another captain got sick and had to be flown home, so the company just called my tugboat man and off he goes on Wednesday.

I don’t think that’s very funny; I hadn’t planned for this — he was supposed to be home for at least a month — however, since I’m a glass half full kinda gal, I found a couple of tugboat jokes and a poem to share.

I hope you get a chuckle out of the jokes, even if they are a bit lame.

Tug humor, gotta love it.

Tugboat Joke #1

Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.

However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at
the paper for a minute,then lock it back up. Afterwards, he would go about his daily duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope. One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains quarters.

He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and… The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper; two lines with two words each:

Port Left
Starboard Right

Tugboat Joke #2

Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry, “Aye!” and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his boat’s mate, “What do they do that for?”

The mate looked surprised and replied, “You mean that you’ve never heard of an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?”

 …and a poem

Sea Fever

I must go down to the seas again,
to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship
and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song

and the white sail’s shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea’s face
and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again,
for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call

that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day
with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume,
and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again
to the vagrant gypsy life,

To the gull’s way and the whale’s way
where the wind’s like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn
from a laughing fellow rover,
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream
when the long trick’s over.

John Masefield, 1878-1967

tugboat

640px-Tugboat_diagram-en_edit1a

“I didn’t win the Powerball Jackpot”, says Princess Rosebud

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Source: wchingya.com

Source: wchingya.com

Yoo hoo! It’s me, I’m back!

Sigh, we’re not the Powerball Lottery Jackpot winner, although we actually bought a couple of tickets which we never do, and I had mentally chosen an array of colors for my new Chanel and Hermes handbags — pink, white, turquoise, orange… and my tugboat man had picked out the locations for our new homes so he could follow the surf year-round.

Oh well.

This blog thing — it’s just like riding a bicycle, right? Hold on while I climb back on that seat and clip my shoes in the pedals.

Although I’m a little rusty, let’s see if I remember how to do this…my tagline is “beguiling pearls of wit, wisdom, and whimsy — with attitude.”

Hopefully, I haven’t completely forgotten…and I hope you haven’t completely forgotten ME.

It feels like it’s been sooo long since I sat down with my Mac on my lap to write a post — in my favorite writing spot — looking out the patio doors to the deck and beyond, listening to the birdsong…Pencils-lined-up

If we still wrote with pencils, you could picture me with them all lined up, sharpened to a point, awaiting the construct of a thought to translate into letters and words.

Where is YOUR favorite location to write?

UPDATE:

My tugboat man came home last Thursday evening – my son was delivered to me via Southwest Airlines on Sunday (Mother’s Day) and flew away on Friday night.

Saturday was full of cleaning and laundry, finding the clothes my son forgot to pack that he’ll probably need me to send to him — why is it that he can write a 250 page dissertation with an amazing amount of detail, but is so forgetful of the minutiae of daily life? Ah, the absent minded professor syndrome in action, right?

I took tons of pics of our busy week of hiking and birthday partying and surfing (them, not me).  I was baking and cooking and cleaning.

When I’m here all alone, I forget how much work is involved in caring for a family.

Can you believe that they expect to eat ALL DAY LONG? It’s true. Geez. And they want to do that EVERY DAY —  it is SOOO annoying!

Princess Rosebud wearing glasses.

Princess Rosebud wearing glasses.

I’m currently hard at work on several posts; our hike to Crystal Cove, my Hello Kitty birthday party, the one-year anniversary of my son’s commencement, and a pictorial of my box collection — I counted about thirty of ‘em in all shapes and sizes.

Stay tuned for a little husband snark, too. Just sayin’…

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Happy Birthday Princess Rosebud!

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Reblogged from benzeknees:

Click to visit the original post

  • Click to visit the original post

Today is Princess Rosebud's birthday.  She writes an excellent blog called Confessions of a Tugboats Captain's Wife.  She's kinda busy right now, her son is home for a week or so & her hubby is coming home from the sea, too.  Please go visit her & wish her a great day!

Read more… 3 more words

My dear sweet friend remembered my birthday with this beautiful post and I missed it! Please send love to benzeknees- she's a jewel and an angel!

Will Return Soon…

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As I’m consumed by 24/7 cooking, baking, and cleaning, I have been remiss in responding to comments and blogs.

Please accept my apology — I’ll be back in a few days.

Until then, I’m on….

Image

The Convoluted Logic of Our Mother’s Day Tradition

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depositphotos_5078841-Happy-Mothers-Day-with-Daisy-FlowersIt started with my own mom; she presented ME with gifts on Mother’s Day — thanking me for being her daughter — and any excuse to shop is a good one, right?

I was born on Mother’s Day, so it makes sense to give me lots and lots of presents. Even though it only occurs that way every seven years, it’s still always within the same week.

I enthusiastically carry on the tradition with my son; well, because — uh –if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have a reason to celebrate Mother’s Day at all, would I?

As my son would say, “Duh.”

This year I got him an array of products from Kiehls — skin cream, shaving cream, shampoo, and penned a mini-poem:

You have always been my Angel Boy

As your mom

Every day has been filled with joy.

Other girls wanted to be doctors, lawyers, teachers — all I ever wanted to be was a mom.

While all the other mommies are having breakfast or brunch or lunch, I’ll be spending my day driving to the airport to for a Southwest Airlines delivery of my Angel Boy. Can’t wait!

Best of all, he’ll be here all week and that is my best birthday present ever.

Happy Mother’s Day to cat and dog lovers!

crazycatlady

 

happy-mothers-day-bitches

How to Recover a Torn Outdoor Swing Cushion

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If you already read Recycled, Repurposed, Reborn, and Reformed, you won’t be too surprised to learn that I also hate to RE-place torn, ripped, or worn out things.

Last week, I spent a hot day (in the upper eighties) working on a project and I’m pretty happy with the way it turned out.

In the past few years,  I’ve purchased a couple of replacement cushions for the deck swing.

Every time I do it, hubs asks me why I’m not sewing or repairing it — as we all know that I’m mostly super cheap  thrifty and frugal — I say mostly ‘cos I’m obsessed with pricey designer handbags and shoes (and shopping in general).

Hey, who said that a woman has to always be consistently one way or another? Sometimes it’s less painful for me to whip out that credit card and buy a Chanel than it is to  fork over $2.99 for a roll of twine. (Read all about that HERE.)

Southern California sun is wickedly harsh on fabric — even though I put the cushions and chairs in the shed when not in use, it weakens, tears, and eventually disintegrates completely like this:

torn cushion

I went to JoAnn Fabrics near 24Hour Fitness in Oceanside and was so happy to discover outdoor canvas material on sale —  half off  the regular price of $19.99 a yard. Yay! I needed approximately 54X70. The sales associates were very helpful and suggested I try fusible bonding web for heavy fabrics and my trusty glue gun for reinforcement areas. Anytime I can fire up that glue gun is a great day! (Also a day for an injury, more on that later.)

cushionrepair

                                            Beautiful bright colors!

The fusible bonding needs heat;  I brought the ironing board and my Rowenta on the deck. Yes, it’s leopard covered. Of course it is.

ironoutsideI ironed a sharp crease on all four sides; went upstairs to my craft room and sewed a lovely seam.

sewing machine

Look at that old sewing machine from the 1970s.
It weighs a ton, but works like a dream.

I placed the cushion flat on the deck, spread the material over the cushion, and then turned it over.

torncushionondeck

Measuring and ironing the fusible bonding all the way around.

stitchless sewing

cushion

The webbed fusible bonding for heavy fabric worked better than I thought. This isn’t the most professional looking job, but the material is bright and fresh and way less expensive than another replacement cushion.

closeupcushion

finalcushion

I used the glue gun to reinforce the corners and this blister was my reward. 

blister

My research indicated that the temperature of the glue is about 385 degrees, but I swear it felt like I had dipped my finger in the bowels of Hell.

I might go back to JoAnns and get more material to redo the awning to match. Although it’s still in good shape, now it bugs me that it doesn’t match the cushion!

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