Tormenting Husbands is FUN

When my tugboat man goes out to sea, communication is limited to email and cell phone, and even that depends upon what part of the world he’s in. Sometimes, there’s no cell at all and I’ll only occasionally receive a call from the vessel’s sat phone. And sometimes the boat’s computer stops functioning and I don’t get email. And that’s when I start to worry.

Since he’s a fairly quick learner after twenty-plus years of training,  he tries to call or email at least once a day, the obligatory “I’m still alive” type of thing. Read more about that HERE (if you don’t call, I think you’re dead, and that’s why I’m getting a pair of Loubies)

Every so often I attempt to spice things up and venture beyond the boring…here’s a verbatim transcript of pretty much every call,

“Hi, honey, what’s up? How are you today, did anything break down, is the car OK, anything come in the mail for me, anything I need to deal with, what’s the surf like, and oh, by the way, I miss you.”

it’s  a definite struggle to maintain that thread of mystery and personality in a three-minute call or a few words tapped in black on a sterile white background.

A lot of the time, one or both of us’ll say, “I got nothing else” and the other will say “I got nothing, too” and then my tugboat man’ll end with “Lock and load” which is our secret code for “don’t forget to turn the security alarm on before you go to bed.” always ending with “Love you” and “Love you, too”

So far, this this time he’s been away for about thirty days —  he’ll HOPEFULLY be home before Thanksgiving, which totally sucks ‘cos I thought he was gonna be home by Halloween. Nature of the biz and all that.

To try to inject a little fun into our convo yesterday when he called, I asked him if he was sitting down ‘cos I had something really serious and important to tell him:

“You might want to sit down ‘cos I gotta tell you something that might shock you and I don’t want you to faint.”

(It was a total set-up.)

He gets this super cute, super serious tone in his voice,

“What is it. Is everything OK?”

And then I hit him with the shocker:

“I washed the car today”

Maybe y’all don’t get how earth shattering that news is, but you have to trust me that it could cause hub’s heart rate to skyrocket and blood pressure to explode.

In shock.

I don’t like to spend the $$$ or the time to take it to a car wash and I don’t EVER wash it — I mean EVER — but there I was in the driveway with a bucket of soapy water and a hose.

With neighbors watching in case hub needed witnesses to this miraculous event.

He laughed so hard it was totally worth it to wash that stupid car.

And then there was more.

“Are you sitting down?”

“Yes.”

“For reals? Where are you?”

“In the wheelhouse, but we’re tied up at the dock right now.”

“‘Cos there’s more.”

[Pause]

“I went to a gas station and filled the tank with gas.”

“Oh. My. Gawd. Stop the presses. Was it running on fumes? Had you depleted the Reserve tank like you usually do?”

“Nope, I had about a quarter tank, but I drove by a gas station with cheap gas, and thought it’d be a good idea to take advantage of it.”

“Shocked, huh? Speechless?”

“I’m more shocked that you actually thought to fill it up before you were stranded and  forced to call triple A; that’s the part that’s boggling my mind. But good job! You go, girl! I’m proud of you!”

And that’s how we keep our love alive around here, or in other words, how we torment our husband and have a little gentle fun at his expense.

Just another day in the life of Princess Rosebud and Her Tugboat Man…

 

 

 

YUMMY Chocolate + Black Beans + Beets Brownies

plus

http-www-cocoavia-com

http-www-cocoavia-com

and

wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons

wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons

equals

chocolate cakeplate

Now, don’t you all go rolling your eyes at me.

I used to be a teacher and I still have eyes in the back of my head.

I can see you.

Before you make all those gaggy sounds and scrunch up your face (you know who I’m talking to!), I implore you to TRY these very tasty and UBER healthy brownies.

Well, not all that healthy ‘cos of the sugar and chocy chips, but cocoa beans grow on a tree, so that makes them a plant — therefore sort of a veggie or a fruit. So, healthy, right?

Don’t be all judge-y and shake your head.

TRY them for me, OK?

Black Bean + Beet Brownies

  • 1 can or 3/4 cup cooked black beans (unsalted or rinse well)
  • 2 tablespoons – 1/4 cup unsalted cooked beets or finely shredded raw beets (Yes, BEETS!)
  • 1/2 cup vegetable oil, or olive oil(I always use a bit less)
  • 2 eggs *see below for vegan substitution*
  • 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 2/3 cup sugar ( I’ve tried brown sugar and I’ve tried agave, not sure what’s better, kind of a personal taste thing)
  • 1 teaspoon instant coffee or espresso or leftover cold coffee
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 cup mini chocolate chips, divided
  • 1/3 cup flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt

Top with Best Baking Hack Ever frosting (click for recipe)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a 9 by 9-inch square baking pan. In a blender or food processor, puree the beans and beets with the oil. Add the eggs, cocoa, sugar, coffee, and vanilla. Melt half the chocolate chips and add to the blender. Blend on medium-high until smooth. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to the blender and pulse until just incorporated. Stir in the remaining chocolate. Pour into the prepared pan. Bake until the surface looks somewhat matte around the edges and still a bit shiny in the middle, about 20 minutes. Let cool at least fifteen minutes before eating. My family thinks they taste better the longer they sit in order for any “beany” texture to dissipate.

Best Baking Hack Ever

bakinghack1 bakinghack2 bakinghack3


Wanna go vegan? 

  • 1 Tbsp. Chia Seeds
  • 3 Tbsp. Water

With food processor, spice grinder, or old school mortar and pestle, grind the chia seeds into a meal. Mix the water and ground chia seed meal in a small bowl. Allow to sit for 5 minutes or so, or until it takes on a gloppy texture similar to raw egg yolk.

Making Long Term Relationships Work

October theme: Healthy Living: healthy relationships
*This is a sponsored post*

love couple at the train stationAs those of you who read Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife know, the traveling required for my husband’s job has me going from a sassy single girl to a coupled up married woman at the drop of a hat.

It’s a bit of a unique situation those of you with other types of careers might not be able to relate to in your own relationships.

However, recent studies show that could change.

The Wall Street Journal says that business travel is something that we can expect to see increase in the coming years. Face-to-face interactions have proven to produce better results between companies than those utilizing technology for other forms of correspondence. Video chatting, social media, and other options have become popular alternatives to traveling over the years.

So it seems that no matter what color your spouse’s collar, many new couples could find themselves needing to rework their relationships to fit the lifestyles of a traveling significant other. How can you go about doing so successfully? Take a few tips from someone who has been making it work for years.

Let Them Relax

When dealing with the responsibilities of the household alone, you have to be more independent on a day-to-day basis. However, there will always be things that come up that you need your spouse for.

While it’s perfectly okay to keep a list of tasks you need completed, don’t bombard them with it on their first day back. Think about how annoyed you would be after working hard only to be reminded of added responsibilities the second you thought you could relax. Wait a day or so and let them recuperate. You don’t have to try and do everything yourself, but give them time to rest before bringing up how badly the kitchen needs to be painted.

Make Your Time Together Count

The less time that you spend together, the more important it is to make the time you do share special. While you may feel complacent just sitting around with one another, try and work in at least one activity when your spouse is feeling up for it. Even if it’s just for a few hours, trying out a new restaurant or even something adventurous like indoor rock climbing can be a great bonding experience.

Of course with a sporadic schedule, it’s difficult for intimacy to be spontaneous, but that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. With a little planning, you can come up with ideas to make you time together even more memorable. Introducing adult products and toys are a great way to add some spice to your sex life or just make the moment that much more special/fun, according to adam&eve. With the help of a sexy massage kit or a bottle of warming lube, you’ll certainly be able to send your partner back to work with a smile on their face.

Communication is Key

There are ways that technology can help you stay close when you’re apart. When your spouse is traveling, though, it’s not as easy for them to pop on Skype as it is for someone with a desk job. That’s why it’s important to figure out your expectations ahead of time.

An article by Forbes indicated that some travel-heavy relationships face difficulties when the person doesn’t disclose the details of their trip. That includes their itinerary, who they will be traveling with, and other information.

It’s all too easy for jealousy to rear its ugly head when there are people of the opposite sex traveling with one another. However, you can avoid insecurities by being open. If you trust them, and you’re both honest with each other, it will make the transition easier on you both.

Be completely honest about what you need for reassurance. Do you want to be able to talk at least once a day? Do you want them to let you know if they’re going out for drinks? Setting standards for situations like these ahead of time will help you avoid heartache down the road.

Your relationship doesn’t have to suffer because of a change in schedule. If you really love one another, you can make it work. Keep yourself busy while they’re away, and cherish your time together when they’re home. It can be hard, but I promise it will make you appreciate one another more. It will lead to a stronger and happier relationship in the long run.

 

 

 

*At times, I’m compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites, and various other topics, as well being compensated for the occasional sponsored post. Even though I may receive compensation for posts or advertisements, I always give my honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely my own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider, or party in question.

Pap Smear With Benefits #Midlife Version

In the spirit of October’s Healthy Living Theme, the entire body will be in the limelight. LOL. Don’t miss Friday’s post!


V-jayjay Exam.checkmark

Botox.

Check and double check.

Time management at its finest.

Just like most females who endure that yearly gynecological wellness check, which may or may not be another sip of the Kool-Aid that we’ve been conditioned to believe is essential for good health and cancer detection, I too brave the silvery stirrups every twelve moons or so, although at my advanced #midlife status, it’s acceptable to wait a couple of years between these physically invasive exams.

My pre-check routine is to bathe and shave (this might be oversharing, but I don’t wax ‘cos I’m allergic to it and I really have an aversion to strangers hanging around “down there”) and make myself and my lady parts as camera-ready as possible.

If I could bedazzle or drape a scarf around it, I would, as I do loves me some accessories, so I attempt to spruce it up all up for the big reveal. I mean, you never know when you’re going to be discovered, right? Always ready, that’s my motto. As Norma Desmond said, “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close up.”

A momentary pause for a brief rant:

 I gotta comment on the feelings of being post-menopausal and sitting in the same waiting room with full-to-bursting, fecund, FERTILE women.

It doesn’t feel very good. To be past — as in beyond — childbearing age.

It’s not that I want to have another baby even if I could– I’m no Michelle Duggar — the truth is that I only wanted one perfect child (which I have), but to be sitting amongst those who still have functional baby makers made me feel kind of dried up and old.

“I’m in the club”,  I whispered to myself. “I was just like you guys. I puked for four months and then ate my weight in blueberry pancakes and endless jars of gefilte fish (and I mean eating them straight from the jar and even drinking that disgusting jelly-like liquid) and couldn’t see my feet for the last two months before I went through the hell of a twenty-four hour labor and eventual Caesarean section delivery.”

I wanna pull up my shirt and pull my pants down just enough to proudly display my C-section scar, those battle wounds, my daily reminder of  the painjoypainjoy I endured to become a mom, which is all I ever really wanted to be when I grew up.

“My memories might be thirty-two years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday.”

Screw it. The solution should be separate waiting rooms. I can’t deal with the assault of fruitfulness slapping my aridity in the face.

Rant status: OVER.

Just like we all have to do whether we are the elite or the hoi polloi or even Kim Kardashian or Kate Middleton, I changed into the most unflattering shade of pure and blinding white scratchy paper gown with the narrow plastic belt/tie/thingy. The great equalizer. It was barely long enough to execute a proper bow. Or maybe it was a hairband? Now I’m not sure. Whatev. Is white paper the new black? The new orange? Nope. It’s still nothing that will ever be trendy or urban chic.

Great, the next step is the inelegant hop up on the also white paper-covered exam/lounging table. I must admit I’ve become so spoiled by 800-thread count sheets that I was quite offended by the scratchy but slippery texture. At least it’s sterile — and that pleases my OCD.

The doc finally sauntered in with a pleasant smile and bouncy hair, switching on that godforsaken bright light that serves to highlight each and every darling cellulite dimple that I’ve accumulated over the last few decades. ILOVEMYCELLULITEILOVEMYCELLULITE. NOPE. SERIOUSLY. I HATE MY CELLULITE.

“How often do you do a self-exam breast check?” Doctor Z asked as she was doing just that. “Never” I said, with my most winsome smile. “There really isn’t enough there to check…” She laughed at my little attempt at levity to lighten the atmosphere while she’s kneading and pinching and probably thinking about what she’s going to be drinking later on that evening — anyway, that’s what I was doing. White wine? No. Pinot Noir? No. Straight vodka from the bottle? Winner, winner, winner! 

That wasn’t soooo bad, but then we reached  the dreaded part of the visit where the doc always says, “Can you scoot down a little more?” And then, “How about a little more?”

Ignominy. That’s the only way to describe it.

Quack quack

Quack quack

A Pap smear, also called a Pap test, is a procedure to test for cervical cancer in women by collecting cells from the cervix. That first involves the insertion of an instrument of torture called a speculum. FYI, the modern speculum was invented (by a man, of course) in 1845.

I can share with you after having gone through about a dozen gynos over the years, Doctor Z is the BEST. And I prefer a woman gyn. I don’t think a man can understand what our issues are, no matter what. Only a woman knows what another woman feels and experiences.  Doc Z has perfected a painless method of scraping the cervix and she’s never accidentally pinched that very sensitive area that makes you want to convulsively kick their faces across the room. FYI, that’s the real reason why the have those little wheeled stools so they can roll away FAST before they get punched out by a valiant v-jayjay.

The most dreaded part of the exam is over; time to stuff the paper gown in the trash and get dressed.

But this visit’s not quite over because Dr. Z has joined the ranks of a new breed of doctor; combining a medical specialty with the value added option of a little cosmetic rejuvenation in the form of Botox and fillers.

Ergo the Pap smear and Botox.

I consider it my reward for enduring the humiliation of exposing my inner workings. While we chat about being vegan and a new vegan restaurant in Encinitas called #Native Foods,  Doc Z prepares the botulism that will be injected into my face; to paralyze the correct muscles and stem the flow of aging —  if only for a few brief months.

But that’s good enough for me.

Maybe I can no longer have babies growing in my belly –but my glass is still half full; I no longer have to worry about “that time of the month” and my empty nest (and womb) affords me the opportunity for a little well deserved pampering.

What’s your experience with your OB-GYN (if you care to share, that is!)
Do you have a male of female doc?

Kind Organics From Garden of Life

October Theme: Healthy Living


We’re on the downward slope to 2015: Halloween to New Year’s Eve in the blink of an eye.

Whether holidays make us feel happy or depressed; whether we’re alone or surrounded by family and friends, this time of year is all about indulging. And OVER indulging.

That’s why I’m highlighting healthy living as a theme for October  — how to stay healthy during the holiday season  — to hopefully plant a little seed to help us (me) remember to make healthy choices all year — but especially now with  the temptation to snack on too many Halloween candies or imbibe too many Pina Coladas. A little balance is a good thing.

FYI: Did you know that an average Pina Colada has 525 calories? That’s MAJOR, and who just has one,  am I right?

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I’d like to introduce everyone to Garden of Life and Kind Organics.

I was lucky enough to meet representatives from Garden of Life at BlogHer 14.

SO impressed with the company mission:

Garden of Life was founded to help empower others to attain extraordinary health. This is our mission at Garden of Life and the principles behind this mission are carried out by Garden of Life’s innovative health and wellness regimens.

 

They generously sent a HUGE box of the most amazing products for me, tugboat man, and my son, whose recent health complications and surgery means he needs a little help digesting his food properly. gardenoflife1

I’ll focus specifically on each Garden of Life product throughout the month, along with a couple of recipes I’ve created.

From the Garden of Life website:

Please join us for a moment in picturing a world where good health is a given, not a matter of chance. In this imagined world, chronic obesity is no longer a problem and couples never rely on fertility drugs to conceive.

 

The 4,000 people we lose prematurely every day to cancer, diabetes and heart disease would still be with us. And when we do contract an illness, we are not dependent on “drug-care,” but are instead able to take control of our own health with lifestyle changes and advanced nutrition.

 

At Garden of Life, we believe such a world is possible, and that together, we can make it happen.

I’ve probably tried most of the vitamins and supplements out there in the marketplace, and I’m honestly delighted by the quality of the products.

They’re organic and many are non-GMO Project Verified.
To view a list of Garden of Life products already verified by the Non-GMO Project, please visit: http://www.nongmoproject.org/find-non-gmo/search-participating-products/search/?brandId=384

Next time: Protein Bar Recipe

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GardenofLife
Twitter: https://twitter.com/gardenofliferaw

 

 

Drops and Drips: Water

Water is essewaterbottlesntial for life.

We all know this; we all carry disposable or reusable bottles of water —  water is a billion dollar industry.

Here in California, the drought is so extensive that restaurants don’t automatically serve water; you have to request it.

There are voluntary water restrictions for lawns and gardens.

Yet there’s water all around us if we only LOOK.

Wasted water.

Dishwashing water, washing machine water; water swirling around our feet in the shower  —  all lost down the drain.

It really frustrates me that there isn’t a easy way to reclaim this “gray water”.

My tugboat man and I are committed to leaving as small a footprint as possible and to be good stewards of this world, yet even for my guy who has a degree in nautical engineering, figuring out how to make a gray water system in our home is not as easy as I assumed.

Our challenge is a tri-level home with the laundry room on the third floor — apparently you can’t just stick a hose out the window — according to hub, it’s more complicated than that.

We, but I really mean HE is designing a functional system, but every single time I see a drop of water down the drain instead of being diverted to the garden, I get very sad!

To honor precious water and its importance to our bodies, check out this series of photos I took at my photography class.

I haven’t liked doing anything this much since I discovered the magic of that little plastic card that meant all the pretty treasures could come home with me!

My son reminded me of our kitty, Bandit, who loved to sit in the sink and drink dripping water. Still miss her so much…

waterdrip6 waterdrip5 waterdrip4waterdrip3waterdrip2Part One, October theme, Healthy Living

 

Dear Body, Thank You

Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife:

This is so lovely and a great idea for being thankful to US. Something to think about other than Loubies and Chanel. And also will serve to kick off my theme for October….Healthy Living

Originally posted on Out of the Dark Forest:

Dear body, I’d like to take a moment to thank you. Thank you for being here for me every day. Thank you for breathing in and out, filling my blood with oxygen so that I can respire, even when I forget to be mindful of my breathing. Thank you for pumping my heart muscles, pushing that blood all throughout me, often at unnecessarily elevated rates due to my silly worries and anxieties.

Thank you for figuring out what to do with all the photons of light that hit my eyes, turning them into images for my brain to ponder. Thanks for getting along with the contacts that I wear. Thank you that I can clearly see my doggers snout in my face as I first wake up.

Thank you for detecting sound waves so that I can listen to beautiful music, the chirping of birds, the nighttime crickets, the rippling…

View original 194 more words

if you don’t call, I think you’re dead, and that’s why I’m getting a pair of Loubies

(If you don’t know what Loubies/Louboutins are, scroll down to the end for a pic.)


We are officially at Tugboat Man Minus Two.

In other words, two more shopping days ’til I drive to the airport and pick up a man.

That’s funny, but it’s true.

I go from SASSY single girl to a coupled MARRIED woman at the whim of a flying machine.

Well, after a good amount of time ‘scaping and scraping and all that jazz.

Got a totes adorbs dress at the Banana Republic @Carlsbad Outlet today.

Fifty percent off! Kinda Pucci-like, don’t you think?bananarepublic

I’ll pair it with skinny jeans or black tights.

And those LOUBOUTINS I’m about to receive as soon as hub comes home and catches up on his lost sleep.

Sleep loss is a real health hazard of the professional mariner.

But enough about him.

Here’s why I deserve those scandalous, over-the-top, uber extravagant and gorgeous shoes.

Settle in, this is a good story, albeit a tad convoluted, but not if you follow my way of thinking about things. If you’re like me, you’ll soon nod your head in agreement.

Remember a few weeks ago I shared with you that hub got a new surfboard? Do you also recall how i was the ultra supportive wife who encouraged him to buy it (and that I figured it behooved me to be “all in” so that I could expect the same reaction when I suggested a trip to Chanel for that iconic pearl necklace?)

OK. That’s the first part.

What you don’t know is that after my 50+ year-old tugboat man acquired his new toy, there was a slight swell (that’s surfer talk), a bump in the surf — and he became OBSESSED with surfing. Surfing in the morning, surfing in the afternoon, surfing until the sun went down. Normally, I’m pretty cool with that — he loves to surf, he’s gone a lot — when he’s home, he deserves to follow his bliss, right?

Now it’s time for you to understand that I’m the type of person who thinks if I don’t hear from you, you’re dead.

A to Z, black and white, dead or alive. No gray area.

I was am that way with my son, too. If he does’t call or text or email, I get so worried that I believe the WORST POSSIBLE THING HAS HAPPENED.

At any given time, I’m THAT close to calling the police, hospitals, FBI, State Department, and boarding a plane to wherever.

With my son, it’s not as if there isn’t some history…for example, one year he rode his bicycle alone from Carlsbad to Utah and had a pretty bad accident in Moab; more recently there was his life threatening illness and life-saving surgery — oh and let’s not forget that time he was riding his bicycle home from school at Johns Hopkins (where he received one of his two Masters) and a carjacking took place RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM and the car RAN HIM DOWN and mangled his bike. Luckily, he wasn’t hurt at all. LUCKILY.

AND that one occasion DIL and I were together while Angel Boy was hiking in some godforsaken remote location. I’ll never forget and neither will she…we were eating fish tacos at Rubios prior to her flight back home (she travels more than anyone I know) and we were waiting for a CALL from Angel Boy to let us know he was off the mountain. No call; she power called him until her fingers were sore, but it went straight to voicemail. Finally, she called one of the guys he was hiking with and we learned that the rest of the group had met up at the arranged time, but not our Angel Boy. In fact, the rest of the group was becoming worried and had contacted the rangers, and there was talk about forming a search party. Can you imagine how worried we were? We’re in the car, on the way to the airport, very upset as you can imagine, when he finally called. As thankful as we both were that he was OK and now I can’t really remember the reason for his delay, we were SO MAD AT HIM. And now it’s kinda ruined Rubios for us, because it brings us right back to that place of panic.

Now’s the time you should be nodding your head in agreement that there’s some justifiable basis for the way I am. RIGHT?

Back to my tugboat man. His job is a very dangerous one, no matter that he’s the captain and is inside the wheelhouse mostly driving the boat; it’s inherently rife with danger. At any moment, I could receive a call from the company with some bad news. AT ANY TIME. So much to worry about.

And surfing is dangerous too, right? My son’s childhood friend disappeared while surfing in Hawaii, and there are always horrible surfing accidents on the news that further support my crazy.  In fact, a few years ago, through no fault of his own, hub was involved in a freak accident out in the water where he was stabbed in the lower calf by the tip of someone’s board – he drove himself home — I took one look at the injury, which was open all the way to the bone (MAJOR GROSS), and we made a trip to the ER where they sutured it.

End of story?

Nope, just the beginning. Suturing was a bad idea. The wound became horribly infected because of FILTHY OCEAN WATER; he had a fever of 105 degrees, contracted an antibiotic resistant staph infection, was in incredible pain, but LUCKILY recovered with no limbs lost — just a small divot in his calf and an ugly scar.

As you can see, I’m not ALL that crazy. Sorta cray, but not ALL the way cray.

OK, back to the present (literally). Hub’s been taking Spanish lessons when he’s home, I think mostly so that we can go to Costa Rica (to surf, duh).

Anyway, here’s where it gets hinky.

He loaded his new surfboard in the back of his truck, and said he’d MAYBE go surfing after the class was over.

Class was over at 6:00 p.m. No phone call. 6:15. No call. 6:30. No call. I started power calling his cell. No answer. 7:00 p.m.-7:30 p.m.

He NEVER doesn’t call.My almost-always-perfect hub UNDERSTANDS the importance of a two-second courtesy call or text.

On this particular day, one of the hottest in history, a call would have been especially nice if he had asked if I wanted to meet him at the beach to cool off and take pics or video of the big surf.

7:45 p.m. No call.

One by one the ingredients I had prepped for dinner were put away.

What ifs were peppering my brain.

What if he got hit with a board again? What if he cut himself on glass?

WHAT IF HE’S AN INCONSIDERATE JERK?

He rolled in a few minutes before 8:00 p.m., happy and hungry.

Me, not so much.

I proceeded to explain to him the thousands and thousands of ways he failed me as a loving husband by selfishly not caring enough to make that phone call. It’s worse ‘cos he KNOWS how crazy I get. He said he was sorry, that he thought I understood he was planning to surf…blah, blah, blah.

I tossed a couple lettuce leaves in his direction, telling him to enjoy his dinner, while I flounced off to not speak to him for the rest of his life.

The next morning I went to the gym while he went surfing AGAIN.

When I got home and pulled into the garage, there was a handwritten huge banner staring at me; “I’m very, very, very SORRY, how can I make it up to you?”

Louboutins, my friends.

Louboutins.

And don’t EVER do that again. ‘Cos I’m crazy,

And when I’m cray, YOU pay.

louboutin-black-leather-high-heels

#Louboutin #Loubies

I’ve Strayed

I’ve strayed from my essence.

Have you ever done that?

It all became clear; it all got brought right back – smack in my face – with this particular comment from a PR person who liked a review I’d written…

“I love your particular writing style (your voice is very casual and personable)”

…and that lovely and very unexpected compliment stopped me in my tracks.

Isn’t writing, after all, the raison d’être?

The WHY of why I’m doing this?

I mean, blogging, ya know?

I’ve been sidetracked.

I’ve been petty.

It isn’t to attract FRIENDS or FOLLOWERS or LIKES or pennies that dribble in from time to time – it’s the WRITING.

Duh.

Screaming in the darkness of the void of humanity.

Or something like that.

I thanked the giver of the the compliment – it arrived at the perfect moment.

Now what?

Probably nothing, ‘cos I hold title to being the world’s biggest procrastinator. Those three books with titles and about 500 words each — I look at them from time to time and…and then I go shopping.

If a picture’s worth a thousand words, here’s a few words with a pic that perfectly describe ME.procrastinate

However. Even without my tugboat man home to fill my days – and nights – it was an awesome weekend.

I had my first photography lesson on Saturday. A whole new world has been revealed to me: Fstops, aperture, shutter speeds, ISO, rules of three — it was like being back in kindergarten and only knowing a few words but wanting to read all the books in the whole world.

After the class, I met a friend and we made calls on behalf of a local politician running for office who promises to eradicate stores that sells puppies from mills and factories.

Sunday was full of old school, pre-internet technology activities.

I washed all the bedding, turned the mattress (does anybody even DO that anymore?).

Laundered, ironed, and rehung curtains.

Re-organized the laundry room. Our laundry room is on the top level (third floor) of our tri-level home, and it’s packed to the rafters with shelving in addition to a washer and dryer.

Now it’s all clean and orderly.

I used my mini/handheld steam cleaner and made the showers happy and hard water deposit-free.

I washed windows. And screens.

Sunday 9:00 p.m.

The only sounds are the tick tock of a seashell clock and the gurgling of our pond’s waterfall in the backyard.

It’s warm outside and the patio doors are wide open. There’s not much breeze but there’s a lot of quiet.

I ate junk food.

I drank wine.

I’m exhausted.

But full of happy.

Wishing you some happy, too!

http://youtu.be/CEN9I8jJ0Nk

Whip Smart: Lola Montez Conquers the Spaniards…S-E-X-Y Book Review

9781938231476[4][3][63]Confession time ‘cos well, that’s what Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife does from time to time…

Here I am, home alone, my handsome tugboat man far, far away floating on the big blue ocean, and what do I love to do?

Besides shopping, I mean…

Give up?

I LOVE to read. I read ALL the time and if I’m sent an advance copy to read and review, so much the better, ya know?

Whip Smart: Lola Montez Conquers the Spaniards is an enchanting and sensuous series about an actual historical figure, the notorious Lola Montez, who changed Europe through her beauty and strong, sexually liberated personality.

A young, beautiful dancer, Lola Montez, charms her way into the upper ranks of society using only her wits and her signature whip and fan.

Set in the 19th century, this hot tamale attracts trouble and finds herself in desperate situations that send her on jaunts all over Europe.

I was hooked from the beginning.

I LOVE novels that open with dialogue; I’m drawn into the characters right off the bat. (It’s a great device —  I need to remember and use it more often in my own writing.)

I don’t want to give too much away, but you might NEED a fan to cool you down after some of the super sexy bits!

Spying —  clandestine meetings — sexy interludes — AND a true story.

Whether you have a completely empty nest like me, or you’re just looking for a good read, I recommend Whip Smart: Lola Montez Conquers the Spaniards.

Have you read any good books lately? Let me know!


Astor + Blue Editions presents, Whip Smart: Lola Montez Conquers the Spaniards (ISBN: 978-1-938231-47-6; Trade Paperback; Romance, Historical, Women’s Fiction; US $14.95 CAN $14.95; February, 2013), the rollicking first installment of a new series by debut author, Kit Brennan.  The Whip Smart series begins during the historic week that marks the actual birthdate of Lola Montez. (February 17). 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Kit Brennan is a nationally produced, award-winning playwright, and teaches writing and storytelling at Concordia University in Montreal, Quebec.

The Victorian era and its personalities have always been of major interest to Brennan. Her play Tiger’s Heart explores the life of Dr. James Barry, who was actually a woman living a double life disguised as a man in order to practice medicine, which was not an option open to women at the time.

Kit divides her time between the vibrant city of Montreal and the quiet lake wilderness of Ontario alongside her husband, Andrew, and a variety of animal friends.  Whip Smart: Lola Montez Conquers the Spaniards is her debut novel.

Visit her online at www.kitbrennan.com.

Buy Whip Smart now on Amazon: http://amzn.to/1nwgjg5

Buy Whip Smart now from Barnes and Noblehttp://bit.ly/1mh9tL5

Visit Astor and Blue Editions: http://astorandblue.com/

Coming THIS October: The third installment of Kit Brennan’s series!