The Lonely Bitches Guide to Solo Cooking, Eating, and Drinking™

Welcome to the first installment of Princess Rosebud’s Lonely Bitches Guide to Solo Cooking, Eating, and Drinking™

Lots of us womenfolk are alone for some reason or another at certain times in our lives.

(Cowboys and Crossbones and I recently discussed this exact topic. Hey girl, enjoy your Skinny Pirates!)

Could be we’re between relationships, taking a break from the sturm und drang of life in close quarters with another human, or, like me, you have a sometimes-he’s-here-sometimes-he’s-not spouse.

And if you’re like me, you don’t cook a seven-course dinner for yourself and pair it with the proper aperatifs, wines, and brandies.

I save all that for the times when my tugboat man is home. I mean, I really save it ALL up for then, if ya know what I mean.

‘Cos when he’s gone, the oven mostly only gets used to hide the dark chocolate from myself.

Wait, hold on, I’ll be back. Ohemgee, DAMN, so that’s where I put it! It works every time. Out of sight, out of mind. I really do trick myself that way. Yum.

Okay. For those of my “one is the loneliest number” sisterbitches of mine, I’m doing us all a public service by jotting down a few of my tried and true tips.

I don’t normally eat breakfast, and even when I do eat in the morning, it’s never cereal, just a protein drink or few bites of toast with a couple cups of freshly ground French Roast.

Because it’s really hot out, I  wouldn’t even want to fire up the stove anyway; I like to eat cereal for dinner. I love Raisin Bran or Oat Flakes or shredded wheat from Trader Joe’s. I use nonfat milk, but you can certainly choose your own favorite — soy milk, rice milk, coconut–vodka, whatever.

As an aside, homemade granola with a splash of apple juice is beyond delicious. Try it! 

Just as you’d pair a fine wine with dinner, I’ve discovered that a chllled chardonnay is a delicious partner to cold cereal. Ripe and fruity Ghost Pines Chardonnay exposes the lavish textured flaky crunch.  After a few glasses, you’ll hardly know you’re eating cereal for dinner — solitary and alone.

When the weather changes in autumn and winter, I love a huge bowl of hot and steamy oatmeal for dinner. As you might expect, a full-bodied merlot brings out the nuance of the rustic oats.

And I certainly won’t tell anyone you’re sitting in front of the television watching old episodes of Bewitched and Gossip Girl. Oh Chuck… Oh Nate… Where are you now?

Try 2008 Sawyer Cellars Estate Merlot tracks earth, dust and red currants in its flavors; made for those who know wine, and for those of us who don’t clean house as compulsively when their tugboat man’s out to sea. Hee hee.

Bon appétit!

For those evenings when even pouring flakes in a bowl and topping it with milk is too much work — that’s when it’s time for popcorn. You can’t go wrong with a crisply dry champagne or sparkling prosecco, a lovely counterpoint to the crunchy, sligthtly salty popped kernals.

princesa champsOf course, my champs of choice is Princesa. Duh.

As a vegetarian (mostly vegan), I eat a lot of salads but sometimes I HATE the tedium of preparation for just little old me. I have two “go to” options: sometimes I make a veggie wrap and shove as many thinly sliced veggies I can find plus lettuce and feta cheese or even tuna fish in a tortilla.

That’s really easy, right?

But if I’m too lazy to do that, I’ll take some whole lettuce leaves, slice tomatoes and feta, and roll the lettuce right up, eating it standing up over the sink. No plate, no mess, and only a knife to clean up!

A win-win for sure.

That’s a marvelous time for a Cape Cod: cranberry juice, vodka, and a spritz of lime. Yum. Doesn’t it just sound delicious? AND healthy? We all know cranberry juice is good for our lady bladder, right? And if you add grapefruit juice, it’s called a Seabreeze.

Let’s all raise a glass and toast my ocean-going hub!

Bean and Cheese Burritos are sooo easy. Open a can of fat-free refried beans and for each burrito, spread a couple tablespoons of beans onto an organiic tortilla. Add a thin slice of cheese ( I use fat reduced cheese because of a tricky gallbladder). Roll it up and nuke it for about a minute or so til it’s piping hot and cheese is melty. While it’s “cooking”, there’s enough time to mix and pour a margarita. My recipe is the easiest!  Tequila, fresh lime juice, a floater of Grand Marnier and that’s it. Salt the glass if you wish; but that’s too much trouble for this lonely no-sodium gal!

For those rare evenings when I’m struck with the urge to eat real food, this is the BEST RECIPE ever. I could win an award for my brown rice, no kidding. It always comes out fluffy and perfect. I’ll share my secret with you. I bake it. Yup, that’s the secret to success.

Here’s the One Dish Brown Rice and Other Stuff recipe…
Add one cup brown rice to a 9×9 glass baking dish. Pour over the rice not quite two cups water. Lay gently on top of the rice large chunks of tofu or salmon, ahi, or albacore. (I don’t cook with meat, so I don’t know if the baking times would change.) Add roughly cut broccoli, cauliflower, zucchini, thinly sliced carrots, peppers, mushrooms. I don’t like onions, but you can of course add thinly sliced or chopped onions. Sprinkle, pepper, chopped fresh herbs, freshly ground salt (if you must). Cover tightly with aluminum foil. Bake at 375 degrees for about 45 minutes. Serve with my Special Sauce: One teaspoon (or more to taste) of Sriracha and one tablespoon mayonaisse. Super delish!

Once again, a chardonnay will dance a tango on your palate and lend a oaky counterpoint to the spicy sauce.

One-hundred-fifty calorie Skinny Cow ice cream (sandwich and drumstick are my personal faves) marries exquisitely with B&B brandy. Delicioso!

To recap, chardonnay pairs well with cold cereal, merlot (or cab) with hot cereal.
That’s all you need to know.

Here’s the perfect song to accompany all of our lonesome meals.

What are YOUR favorite eat alone meals?

I sat at the children’s table

That’s because there was only me plus the kids here, so I was outnumbered. No tugboat man nor BioDad this year. I know it might seem crazy, but am I the only one who can’t seem to think of their grown son as an adult? I still see him as a four-year-old, and I’m still bringing him tissues when he sniffs and I wait until he blows his nose. I still praise him for the simplest things, “Look who’s reading a book, what a good boy!” Then there’s, “Please take out the trash”.  A few minutes later, “Please take the trash out.” After fifty requests, I give up and take out the trash.  Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose. The more things change, the more things stay the same. I’m short on time while everyone’s still here–cooking, driving, shopping, cleaning–but I’ll be back as soon as I’m free. All my little birdies’ll be leaving the nest on Monday, but while they’re here, my time is not my own. It’s 6:30 a.m. Soon they’ll be awake, needing a first breakfast of homemade granola and Greek yogurt before a surf sesh, which’ll leave me time to get their Breakfast Burritos prepared.

Breakfast Burritos are so easy! Refried beans with cheese, scrambled eggs, sliced avocado, tomatoes, salsa, and sour cream–all rolled up in a huge tortilla. That’s what the cool kids eat!

Our T-day table and one of my son, DIL, and sister wife (on the left). ImageImage