Bang Bang, that awful sound

(I’m sorry you received two posts from me. The other one was a draft that wasn’t supposed to be published–in fact, my WordPress dashboard does not show that it was published at all, so I can’t explain it…)

“Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down…” [Nancy Sinatra]

Newtown happened. We wept. Nothing changed.

For some reason that makes no absolutely no sense to me, it’s OK to have a weapon that can spray dozens of bullets at once. A killing machine.

For those who scream about the second amendment and our right to keep and bear arms, get real, would you? Hey guys, it was adopted in December 15, 1791 and one thing I know for sure is that they weren’t talking about assault rifles.

From the Colombia Law School Constitution Society’s blog, http://columbiaacs.blogspot.com/2007/11/right-to-bear-ye-olde-arms.html

“Let’s look at arms – specifically, guns – as they existed at the time of the ratification.

Guns in 1791 WOULD

Guns in 1791 WOULD NOT

Courts can’t wish the Second Amendment away, but they can construe it in a manner that works in today’s society.”

This “new” gun debate is nothing new.

Whether or not to have a gun in the house for protection was the subject of the 1975 Good Times Season 3-Episode 2.

Apparently, crime had been at an all time high in the neighborhood, which caused the Evans family to install extra locks on their doors. However, James took a step that Florida and the kids weren’t ready for, he bought a gun. Later, when the gun disappeared, all hell broke loose, as James tore the apartment apart looking for it. Same old story, 1975-style.

kids-gun-playI can say with certainty that I never used my hand like a gun to shoot anyone; my mom, my dad, or my brother. Toy guns and pretend gunplay were verboten in our home. I grew up in Detroit. My dad was an attorney and my mom was a nurse before she became a SAHM. We went to the ballet and to the symphony. Books were important to us; guns not at all.

My older brother feels the need to have guns for protection. I don’t know how we grew up to think so differently about this.

We don’t have any guns in our home.

My one and only experience with guns 

A few years ago, hubs and I thought it would be a good idea for us to learn how to shoot and buy a gun “just in case”, especially since his work takes him away from home for such a long time.

We even went to a local shooting range for a practice session. It was difficult to find a gun that fit me, so they gave me a junior-sized rifle.

The employee handed us ear and eye protection and asked us to choose a paper TARGET– human or animal.

It was right around this time that I started to feel a little anxious.

Somehow I had never associated the shooing of a gun with any purpose. Maybe in my mind I thought we were going to shoot at cans or a bullseye target like in darts. Definitely not an animal. I’m a vegetarian. I don’t believe in eating animals or murdering them.

Seeing the human form brought it to another level–my anxiety ramped up another notch. I picked the one that was just a target that wouldn’t emulate the killing or wounding of a living, breathing creature, human or animal.

The next thing I knew, he loaded bullets into the chamber and gave us a speech about safety, but I wasn’t really listening.

When the door opened to the actual range, and I heard the staccato pop pop pop sounds of dozens of guns shooting at the same time, I freaked out.  I mean, I REALLY freaked out.

I tore off the ear protection and goggles, shoved my rifle in the direction of the gun range employee, and ran out the door.

I felt rather than saw everyone looking at me, but I couldn’t stop running. I had never before heard the sound of a gun.

I ran out toward our car in the parking lot, and sat on the ground, hyperventilating and shaking.

I panicked; I had an uncontrollable visceral reaction to the sound of a gun. My husband followed me out and comforted me. He said he never saw me move so fast nor appear so agitated.

I dropped my handbag when I bolted. When I walked back in, everyone was very sympathetic and said they saw reactions like that every so often — guns have that effect on some people. I tried to make a little joke to cover my embarrassment about how I must have been really frightened out of my mind because I left behind my Louis Vuitton handbag and that’s something I’d never do if I was in control of my faculties.

We’ve never tried that again, although I sometimes wonder if it’s a fear I should try to overcome. The truth is that we live in a violent world. Do I think we have a right to defend and protect ourselves? I do, but I’m not sure I’m going to be able to ever pull the trigger.

Now if only I could stop a crime with my snark and sarcasm, I’d feel so safe… 

Happiness is a Warm GunJohn Lennon [Beatles]

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Smooth sailing? Not always.

The Continuing Saga of Princess Rosebud and her Tugboat Man

Day 30…thirty days and thirty long nights since my tugboat man has been away.

He’s on the move–closer to land–and his cell works! He called last night. Other than the five minute satellite telephone call on our anniversary a couple weeks ago, this was the only time we’ve spoken. It was so unexpected. What a surprise to see his name pop up on my screen!

I always ask the same thing, “When are you coming home?” The answer this time was the answer he usually gives me; he doesn’t know, it could be now or in a month. “…you’ll be the first to know.” Dry humor.

The unpredictable life of a mariner

Some mariners have a regular schedule: three weeks on, three weeks off or two weeks on and two weeks off or even a month on and a month off. In the world of ocean-going tugs, there is no such certainty. One of my captain’s recent assignments was estimated to last  two months and it dragged on for a full four months due to several factors–including weather related issues.

Weather

There’s always weather. Right now, the project he’s on has had a lot of weather delays. If there are storms, high winds, and high seas, it’s neither prudent nor safe for a tug to proceed, and that entails a wait or what they call “on standby” until it clears.

What do you think about that? Do you think that uncertainty is a relationship hardship?

Things weren’t always so idyllic for us.

Did you think it was?

Before we met (at the company where we both worked), the captain had plotted a career move to Hawaii. His goal; good surf and work, probably in that order. Our company was setting up operations in Hawaii and he was tapped to head up that division.

Guess what? A year later, he left. He did. He really did.

I do kinda still hate him for that sometimes…wouldn’t you?

I took him to the dock and had to say goodbye. I mean a real goodbye, maybe a forever goodbye; he had packed up all his belongings and they were on the boat with him.

It was horrible at the time and it makes me sad now thinking about how I felt that day…so alone and bereft.

Us–we–it didn’t end. Over the course of several months, we visited back and forth a half dozen times. I was unhappy with the whole situation–I had done my work, made my list, and he was IT. Hawaii’s awesome, don’t get me wrong, who doesn’t love paradise–but that wasn’t part of MY plan.

Oh yes, he was IT for me but I couldn’t figure out how to persuade him to move back and allow our relationship to blossom. I was running out of options.

What if he met someone else?

One day I had just had enough. I was sick and tired of having a sometimes he’s here, sometimes he’s not boyfriend. It wasn’t what I wanted. And do you know what I did?

I changed my telephone number.

That’s just the way I roll. My home number was a landline and I called the telephone company and changed it. I figured that when he called, he’d get the recorded voice saying, “The number has been disconnected and there is no forwarding number” and he’d become so distraught when he couldn’t reach me that it would be the catalyst he needed to come running back to me!

MotorolaPager

I didn’t have a cell phone. I had a beeper, a pager–remember those things? Now I think only drug dealers use them LOL. He had one, too.

I waited for him to beep me. I waited all day. I was DYING to know if he had TRIED to call. This was 1992-ish; email was in its infancy–I don’t believe we even had a home computer, and the computers at work didn’t have internet access.

This is the funny part.

I started power paging him; over and over again. I mean, like twenty times, thirty times.

WITH MY NEW NUMBER.

I went to so much trouble to change my phone number and I couldn’t wait twenty-four hours. When he called, I asked him if he had tried to call the old number and he said he had (still not sure of that) and asked why I did something crazy like that. I can’t remember my response–I WAS crazy at that point.

[The quick end to that story is that I flew to Hawaii the following weekend and from there we went to Kauai and he said that I had wasted my time changing my number because he had already come to the conclusion that he couldn't live without me and he didn't want to live without me and he proposed and came home for good two months later and we were married nine months after that.]

Fast forward to yesterday’s phone call.

After we said our initial hellos and all that, I asked him,  ”Do you ever get worried that I”ll change the number again and you won’t be able to reach me? Like when you’ve been gone a really long time and I’m getting tired of it? Like NOW?”

Him: (Laughing) “Not really, or if you did, you’d just call me right away to give me the new number like you did before.”

HA HA.

Now he’s turned into a sometimes he’s here, sometimes he’s not HUSBAND. The difference is that he always comes home–to me. Oh, and his paychecks come here even when he’s not. Hee Hee.

Final Words

It cracks me up when I hear “Somebody That I Used to Know“.  Gotye sings, “No you didn’t have to stoop so low. Have your friends collect your records and then change your number“…

Dear Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz

Or, as the world knows you, Jon Stewart, lord and master of The Daily Show.

Shabbat Shalom to you, my Jewish prince.

Four nights a week I watch your wit and candor and passion and rage and humor.

Most of the time I agree with you and LOL (laugh out loud) ‘cos you’re so darn funny.

I love most of the skits and sketches and some of the interviews.

To be perfectly honest with you, I fast forward through a lot of interviews (snooze) to get to Your Moment Of Zen.

I’m not writing to boost your ego, get show tickets, or a fake signed picture of you for my bedroom wall (although I wouldn’t turn it down!)

NO, I feel the need to take pen to paper fire up my MacAir to shake my fist at you, Mr. Lee-boh-vitz!

I take umbrage, sir!

Umbrage I take!

How dare you mock the millions of us who are Etsy creators. HOW DARE YOU!

This is a verbatim quote from The Daily Show, January 23, 2013:

“…it’s all–we get it, you have a glue gun, okay!”

http://archive.org/details/COMW_20130124_070000_The_Daily_Show_With_Jon_Stewart#start/381/end/411

Look at it this way–those of us who are Etsy devotees create beautiful and practical items in a much too harsh and ugly world.

I proudly wield my glue gun and embellish as many things possible with seashells, rocks, and beach glass. From toilets to walls to my front door, there’s a seashell wherever you go. Want a mirror surrounded by seashells? I’ve got several to choose from and I’ll give you a great price, you know, us both being Jewish and all. (Come see me after the show.)

This is a call to arms! Glue gun enthusiasts UNITE! We need to organize and hire a lobbyist and storm the White House and Congress and raise awareness for the plight of the glue gunners. We need some appropriations–we NEED laws protecting our right to bear glue guns.

You really hurt my feelings with your scoffing and derision of Etsy. I think you and I need to sit down and glue a few seashells on a picture frame and you’ll see it from a whole different perspective. Whadddya say?

You could make it all better by inviting me to appear on The Daily Show with my glue gun(s) and a selection of my creative wares–and we’re not talking only gluing here–my tugboat captain husband is an expert in marlinspike seamanship. On long journeys across the oceans he weaves magnificent jewelry and covered bottles and picture frames. 

I’m looking at my schedule right now–I’m free just about anytime.
So…I’ll be waiting for your call.

Yours very truly,
Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife

10 reasons why seashells are enchanted

I’m still in the throes of harnessing my inner beeyotch (the lady who slammed on her brakes and made a u-turn in front of me got a taste of that new me) but I took a teensy break to ponder the oft-asked question: Why do I love seashells?

1. Just like snowflakes, no two are exactly alike. Some are almost perfect twins, but there’s always an individual characteristic if you look close enough.

2. Unlike a snowflake, they don’t disappear.

3. They are all beautiful in color and shape and size.What a treasure!

4. Shells can be worn as jewelry.Abalone necklace with rope work, earrings, pearl bracelet, necklace of polished shell pieces

4. There is appeal in their symmetry and asymmetry.fairshells

5. For me, seashells impart a tangible tactile and visual state of bliss.

6. Shells give birth to episodes of intense creative passions. This is my most recent seashell bouquet; an organic interpretation inspired by a froggy vase acquired at a local thrift shop that helps victims of domestic abuse.newfrogvase

7. Once upon a time, a seashell housed a living creature.

8. Cowry shells were used as currency in China.cowry shell

9. If you love to collect dust, start collecting seashells! They are a dust magnet, prolly their only negative trait.

10. A small grain of sand–a foreign body–inside a seashell grows into a magnificent pearl.  A pearl is an annoyance to the shell,  just exactly like the way I am oftentimes an annoyance to the captain!white-pearl-in-oyster     

Instead of flowers, how about an enchanting seashell bouquet?

Reblogged from Enchanted Seashells...Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife:

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Today is super hot and humid but I went to Pilates anyway, and saw a friend of mine who's a nurse and she always has a handful of non-latex gloves or figs from her tree for me and I trade her tomatoes and cucumbers and clary sage seedlings, so it's a win-win for both of us.  I'm really excited about all my clary sage seedlings; I have about 100 of 'em that look very healthy but will have to wait for the weather to cool down to put them in the ground.

Read more… 341 more words

While I'm doing a zillion loads of laundry from our camping trip (why so much??), downloading photos, and organizing my thoughts to post "The Princess Guide to Camping", I thought I'd tempt you with a little old post from a few months ago. Seashells is my name, seashells are my game...just a reminder that it's not always all about Chanel!

Princess Rosebud’s Mermaid Bench

Image

I’ve made a few upgrades to the original by replacing the starfish with huge white scallop shells and the addition of a hot pink polka dot bow.

Now I’m happy.

Picture me sitting in my seashell encrusted bathroom answering your comments and Tweeting!

This is my fantasy world.

Thank you for allowing me to share it with you.

XOXO

 

Holla! Enchanted Seashells 2012 in review–This is what’s up, beeyatches!

This is the perfect time to send huge sloppy hugs and kisses to everyone who stopped by Casa de Enchanted Seashells to tour my brain’s drips and drops.

I’ve been blogging since the end of June 2012. A big shout out is directed to DIL who encouraged me to go public with my thoughts and my writing and another thank you to my son who set up the initial WordPress format.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys (who thought of monkeys?) prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 7,600 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 13 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

Seashell insanity–Episode #452

Well…my tugboat man spent pretty much the entire day surfing. He came home at 2:00 p.m and said he had been trying to catch a wave in to shore for over an hour or he would have been back sooner. RIGHT.

Does he think I just fell off the turnip truck? Do I look stupid? I know that trick–the old “I couldn’t get in so I just had to stay surfing until the sun went down and the tide changed” lie.

I was so mad at him for abandoning me that I had to devise a painful retaliation to convey my displeasure. I decided that we were going to go walking in our little village of Carlsbad and go in and out of EVERY shop. That is absolute torture for my hubs, which meant it was perfect. And since I’ve gotten my Chanel, she hasn’t really had a good outing and begged to come along and see and be seen by all the tourists and locals in our little town.

We went to every single store including one where I bought some beautiful seashells, ‘cos, you know, I just don’t have enough seashells. I made him go into antique stores, sandal shops, shoe stores, clothing stores–up and down State Street and Grand Avenue without a moment to rest. When I felt he had been punished sufficiently, we went home and he installed a shelf that he made for my new shells and my seashell box we created together.

There’s more surf tomorrow, so I’ll be thinking of more ways to make his life miserable.

shelf1shelf2

 

 

Daily Prompt: In Loving Memory and The Last Word

OK, it’s  kinda creepy to write my own obit but I used to write copy at a local TV station and one of my jobs was to call the county and troll the newspapers (way before the internet) to learn  if anybody “important” had died and write the obit so this is not a new concept to me. It’s also a device therapists use to prove some kind of point in couples therapy–I’m not sure what exactly, as I’ve never been to therapy, although many have suggested it! And I do mean many.

Princess Rosebud of Enchanted Seashells is dead. Her stupid ass tugboat captain husband went out to sea and never came home. She was polishing her ten-carat diamond purchased with the insurance money, took a good look at it under the loupe to make sure there wasn’t any dirt in the crevices, tripped over one of her many cats; the diamond flew into the air, her mouth opened to scream, good old gravity caused the trajectory of the diamond to end up in her open mouth, and she choked on it and died.  When her son finally called the police to make a welfare check, the body was unrecognizable because the   eight cats and six dogs had been VERY hungry. The good news is that the swallowed diamond was left intact and looked none the worse for wear.