Bleeding car and chirping house, Part Two

Use your imagination!

I’d like to introduce you to my husband. He’s right there inside that cell phone. Yeah, you’re seeing it correctly. Even if you’ve had a few too many glasses of wine or whatever else you might do in the privacy of your home,  you still see it clearly. And I don’t want to know what you do; don’t make me an unwilling accomplice. (But tell me anyway, you know you want to.) Yes everyone, my little confession du jour is that I do not have a smart phone; it’s a dumb phone–well, a stupid phone really–and yes, it’s hot pink and covered in silver stars. I don’t have an iPhone to go with my MacAir. It was on the To Do list while the captain was here, but we didn’t get to it, so that chore carries forward to the next homecoming. 

Watch what you say; he’s listening. Check out his snazzy captain’s hat. He looks really cute when he wears that…and nothing else, if you know what I mean.  Stop. That. Right. Now. It’s inappropriate.

My captain is quite the problem solver. Even in absentia, he’s worth his weight in gold. (Although less gold than before ‘cos he’s lost a bit of weight under my watchful eye.)

We were so close last night. It lasted for forty-five minutes, the longest its been since we first met. He leaned against my head, whispering in my ear in that special way. I was pleasuring him the same way, my lips to his…EAR. What did you think I was talking about? We were on the phone, for goodness’ sake, get your mind out of the gutter!

He called and systematically solved my two pressing dilemmas. If you’re wondering why we didn’t Skype, it’s ‘cos he doesn’t have the bandwidth to do anything complicated like that. It didn’t matter. It was almost like he was right here instead of just being a disembodied voice emanating from a happy pink phone. I put him on speaker so he could hear the beeping and chirping sound that had me once again straddling that tenuous line of crazy. It seemed to come from the garage area so we went into the garage together. At first I thought it was coming from my new car radio he installed last week. Could it be a type of alarm that was beeping even though the car wasn’t running? He didn’t think so. Then I hauled him over to the driver’s side door that he’d been messing around with, and it’s electronic and all so I thought he had screwed something up. He didn’t think that was it. I set him none too gently on the stool and the beeping stopped. Weird. Then it started up again. He told me to open the hood, so I did, ‘cos I’ve been taught how. Maybe it was a bird that got in there somehow! Nope, that wasn’t it either. (Check out my cool diesel engine.)  He shared some thoughts about the possible sources of beeping. I think he said it could be a sensor to something called a vacuum booster but to me it sounded like “Blah, blah, blah, vacuum, blah, blah, blah.” I actually asked him if he remembered who he was talking to and did he think that while he was gone I magically turned into someone who gave a shit about stuff like that. I really said that. I was joking (sort of). Most of the time he thinks I’m really funny and I think he has a great sense of humor ‘cos he thinks I’m funny. We’re a great team. There I was, being my witty self once again. His new thing to say is, “Are you going to blog about this?” “Well, DUH, Captain Dorky, of course I am!” Keep reading, I’m almost at the end of this part of the story. Even if you think you know how it ends, continue reading, please. He put me on hold for a minute while he checked with the engineer. After they conferred, they came to the conclusion that it could not have been the whatever he thought it might have been. We were back to square one. The sound stopped. He told me to check the time. OK Captain Kirk (he was sounding very StarTrekky to me.) There goes the damn chirpy beepy crap again. He said to time it and I said it was just like timing contractions and he said I should try to stay focused. We counted together….thirty seconds and another one. Thirty seconds and another one. He said he was totally stumped. Then I got a cosmic message from the universe and looked up on the wall near one of his quivers of surfboards. Oh. My. God. There was a smoke alarm up there. I said, “Hey, there’s a smoke alarm in here, did you know that?”

“Are you kidding me? Didn’t you check the smoke alarms before all this? I thought you would have done that days ago!!”

“What? How was I supposed to know there was a smoke alarm in here?”

I stuck him in my pocket and climbed up on the big somekindofsaw table so that I could reach the smoke alarm. I’ll be darned if that stupid thing wasn’t beeping and chirping his little heart out! Now he has a new battery and all is quiet at Casa de Enchanted Seashells. At least we didn’t tear the walls apart to find the source of the beeping like that couple in the UK (see article below).

The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew worked together and solved the mystery; what a great team we are! Now on to the next problem-my bleeding car. The captain had me describe to him in exquisite detail about the little drop under my car. It was about the size of a contact lens, blood-red, and kind of oily. He determined that it was probably a bit of transmission fluid and not to worry unless there was so much gushing out that it looked like a burst carotid artery.

Seashell tree atop a seashell table

All of that took a lot out of me. I so deserved a bit of retail therapy. I found a simply awesome seashell tree to kick off  the holidays.

It is a daunting task to be married to me. I raise my glass to the captain for maintaining his even temperament and composure through every screwball situation.

26 thoughts on “Bleeding car and chirping house, Part Two

  1. I am so sorry for that UK couple…and you.I have been in the same spot myself.The first time ,I kind of felt like The Beverly Hillbillies looking for the music of the doorbell. And even after years of knowing what the smoke alarms sound like,(yes,I said ALARMS; my son is a firefighter), there was a different chirp that started that I could not identify….it was the carbon monoxide detector’s battery dying.(Why do we have one? We have an all-electric house with no fireplace , for crying out loud!).
    I love the seashell Christmas tree on the darling nautical table!
    You can rest assured that every thing you pulled worked perfectly on me! (You have a MaryJanice Davidson sense of humor;I hope you read her.)
    My hat’s off to the captain, with or without his hat…


    • You are such a lovely lady, thank you so much for your comments! Your son is a firefighter, lucky you, what a hero. Good job, momma. I have not read that author but I’m googling her right now and going to get her stuff. I’m looking for my “voice”. I have a lot of constraints about what I can’t say so I don’t embarrass my son/DIL/husband. I wish I could be freer sometimes and be more “colorful” but I can’t! My husband really is a saint, I know I’m not always a walk in the park! Regarding the table, it’s one of my creations, too. I was going to sell it but I became so attached, I couldn’t part with it!

      On Wed, Nov 14, 2012 at 8:19 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


      • Thanks! (Lovely lady!) Back at ya! I knew that table had to be something of your creation!
        Be forewarned, MJ Davidson is naughty, but you can handle it! After seeing the way you write,(and think) I know you’ll enjoy her.(I’d start with her short stories in anthologies or her “Undead” series). Let me know!


      • Naughty is OK as long as it’s not 50 shades naughty, I can’t handle that! it might be a while as I am in high prep mode for son, DIL, sister wife. I have to magically change myself into their servant/slave/cook. Happily so, I might add, not a real hardship.

        On Thu, Nov 15, 2012 at 7:23 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


      • Oh, Jiminy Cricket, NO , not 50 Shades! I darned near keeled-over when I found out what all the old gals were so excited about .(SHUDDER!)
        Nope, MJD talks very much in your style,(and maybe more like you’d like to cut loose?).Anyway, it’s mostly talk, some “activity” but it is usually between husband and wife or pretty much ‘serious’ mates.(For all her tough talk, she loves a happy ending!)
        The Fred-the-Mermaid series is fun.The ‘Betsy, Queen of the Vampires’ is my favorite of her series (The ‘Undead’ books).The early ones are a riot.She turned it a bit dark for a while , but she’s turned it back around now.
        Enjoy all the time you have with your son.As I once wrote in a poem,
        “As years go past, they travel fast,
        Though days can seem so long”.
        Kids just won’t stay kids!


      • I suh-wear, do you know me? How did you know I wish I could write a little more “free”? I have constraints here, but was actually thinking about another blog that would be anonymous (but I’d tell you of course!) I don’t think it’s my style to do a 50 shades LOL, blush, but maybe 25??10? probably just 2.

        On Thu, Nov 15, 2012 at 12:49 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


  2. Interesting cone-shaped tree you have there. JK, it’s lovely. The captain’s hat – hot. That’s all I have to say about that. And yes, my mind IS in the gutter. And you and the captain are both down there with me – in the gutter, that is! LOL


      • Man, too bad The Captain is camera shy! Roger Moore was the only James Bond who successfully pulled-off the commander uniform complete with cap.Would love to see yours in his.


      • I made him try out for the new Tom Hanks movie, the one about the pirated merchant ship. I MADE him send in a video after the casting agent liked the one I sent of him playing a uke. They sent a script or “sides” as it’s called in the biz. No luck tho. I think he was better looking than the part called for (not kidding.) He was actually gonna do it if he got the role and I was gonna go with him to Morocco or wherever they were filming. He’s social media-shy. I should blog about it; ya think?

        On Thu, Nov 15, 2012 at 12:51 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


      • Do you seriously think I have to answer that question??? Are you kidding me?
        Hey, can’t you post a few random shots here and just suppose the Captain just happens to be in one of them,I mean, you never put your name and with all the people around this world…I mean shoot, you narrowed it down to S.Ca, but even my husband was born in S.Ca! I have a load of in-laws and cousins-in-law. We could just guess ….you would not have to confirm or deny anything….just throwing it out there..(!)


      • I’ll think about it…but since I’m still in full nag mode to get my special gift, I think it would be foolhardy to do anything egregious! Unless you have a random extra Chanel around your house???? Trade?

        On Thu, Nov 15, 2012 at 3:12 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


  3. This cracked me up because my room mate and I were outside (she was in her robe) trying to figure out where the oil leak was coming from my car. It’s not that I’m clueless about cars, I find this stuff incredibly boring, kind of like a man in a fabric store, or picking out paint colors. We were talking about how we long for the old days when you could just pull up to any gas station and an attendant would check it out for you. Smoke alarms are the bane of our existence. I wonder how many people are truly saved by them versus driven crazy by them?


    • Exactly. It’s all blah blah blah to me, I can’t hear a thing, boring is right. How about having to go to a car parts store? Horrible. I do long for those days when gas was $1 and you could tell the guy to fill it up and he checked stuff and washed the windows.

      On Thu, Nov 15, 2012 at 8:41 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


  4. I have so been there! I have pictures of my brother and BIL changing the batteries on a firealarm that kept us up all night Christmas Eve and would you believe I didn’t have a single battery in the house to change it myself! I have gotten really good at telling the alarm company “Please put the house in test mode for the next 72 hours so I can go find some batteries.” I love the seashell tree… I want one. I’d leave it up all year.


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