I tried out for The Next Food Network Star-Sunday Confessions

NextfoodnetworkstarA couple years ago I tried out for The Next Food Network Star but I didn’t make it past the first audition. Apparently, they just weren’t quite ready for a mouthy little vegetarian.

No really, everyone with the production was super nice. They told me I’d fit in well with their team in New York. I’m never going to move there, but it was nice to hear that anyway.

tina-fey-amy-poehlerTina Fey and Amy Poehler ought to host everything. Forever. Watching the Golden Globes makes me think of all the movies I haven’t been in and a few that I was in. Briefly.

I envision myself in the audience at the GG as a nominee and then hearing my name called. I know that anyone who has ever acted at all has practiced their acceptance speech just like me–in the bedroom in front of the mirror, with a head toss and a shaky voice and a tear to wipe away.

My tugboat man has a problem with his truck that necessitated a trip to an auto parts store. We’re toying with the idea of a camping trip to the Grand Canyon–I’ve never been–so we def need a working vehicle. There’s a TJ Maxx across the street from the O’Reilly Auto Parts so I decided to come along for the ride. Hubs dropped me off at TJ and said he’d call me when he was done to come back and pick me up. Perfect. Way better than having him come with me or killing me slowly by forcing me to go to the auto parts store with him. SNORE.

On a completely different topic and because I just heard Lena Dunham mention him–I’m two degrees away from Chad Lowe. A very good friend in college used to  have wild sex with him up in LA. Which means I’m three degrees away from Rob Lowe. Wheeeee!

So…Hubs called me to let me know he was done with buying the spark plugs and blah blah blah, and I should wait out front TJ Maxx for him to pick me up.

When he drove up, I opened the door and he said, “How much for a [insert sexual act here]?”

prostitute pickupIt’s always special when your hubs thinks you’re a prostitute, right?

As an accomplished actress, I fell right into the role.

I’m a natural, you might say.

My answer? A Chanel Grand Shopper Tote, matching wallet, and a vintage 2.50 carat Australian opal ring surrounded with diamonds. Meow.
opal diamond ring

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39 thoughts on “I tried out for The Next Food Network Star-Sunday Confessions

      • Once, when I was 16. We didn’t camp there though, we just went there for the day, I think on the South Rim. You should look into Havasu Falls, I’ve always wanted to see that part of the Canyon. It looks so pretty in pictures I’ve seen.

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    • My eyes and ears and all other orifices are open to the universe dropping a show in my lap! Even a web based show which is sooo easy to do! I’ve so many ideas and never really do any of them. But 2013 is our year!!

      On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 5:45 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • Just make your own show. Put it on the internet. I’d watch it for sure. You just need a camera and a computer and a kitchen and yourself, and you have all those. 🙂

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      • Ha ha! We’ve discussed doing that, how funny. I am not sure I’d like to talk my way through baking but I’ve explored the idea of a show where I interview people, not necessarily celebs. Kind of like my plan to post the interview of my anonymous mariner! I’d watch you, too. I’m not really very photogenic.

        On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 10:15 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • I think we are supposed to embrace our less than perfect qualities and play them up, that’s what a photographer told me once. Don’t hide it with makeup, be, like, this is my (in my case) nose, I didn’t have a nose job, deal with it and then it becomes your signature. Well, whatev, it’s a concept anyway. I’m afraid to put it into practice…

        On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 10:51 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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  1. Stop right there! The Capt. ALREADY got you said items!
    (Yet another thing we have in common…no,not that…I go when THIS Husband goes to Auto Zone and run off to the other shops in the strip mall. And I dare to guess I’m at most three degrees away from Rob Lowe.He’s cute.)

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    • STUPID WordPress messed with the date of the post which is why I reblogged it. I just got the ring on Friday when I posted it on FB. Let me just say, it was an exceptional deal cos a lot of people don’t love opals. I felt it was almost a rescue cos i knew it would go to a great home!

      On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 8:00 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • Oh, I did read that, but I didn’t really consider them a gift (not because I EARNED it ha ha) so much as a found treasure. I am a very good shopper and hubs was with me so it wasn’t like a gift-gift. Opals are ever-changing when they have that beautiful fire and flash of blues and greens and reds and oranges. I don’t know where they got the bad PR. If I didn’t have such ugly hands, I’d photograph it on.

        On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 12:40 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • Shake ugly hands with another bad-hand person!(What else do we have in common?Not much more physically,I hope for your sake.) Opals can shatter,btw…be careful with it.
        I don’t know; i know they have something to do with prophesy, what is bad about that,I don’t know…unless you are Cassandra…and I can’t tell you how often I have thought of changing my name to that…no one ever listens to me!!!

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      • Ha! Yes, opals are fragile, I remember my mom said that. I guess I won’t be gardening while I’m wearing it, ha ha. I broke a diamond once, yes it is possible. It was a nightmare but it got fixed, invisible to the naked eye!

        On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 1:02 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • my new solution is to never wear any rings except a thin gold band with channel set diamonds for housework and gardening…

        On Mon, Jan 14, 2013 at 2:38 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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    • Oh NO WAY. You should be on TV, not me! I’m an inconsistent baker (that could be the name of the show ha ha!) I made two loaves of bread last week and tossed them in the compost bin. I forgot salt. There was no saving them!

      On Tue, Jan 15, 2013 at 6:29 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • You would be great to watch!! Honestly; it would be great for all of us to sit back and say we know her!!

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      • You are too funny. You try talking while you’re baking with a camera on you- no really, try it! I’ve tried it and you forget to talk cos you’re concentrating on the recipe and not burning it. Even with editing, it’s tough to look good doing it. I say YOU do it and I’ll help market you!

        On Tue, Jan 15, 2013 at 6:46 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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  2. It sounds like you and the tugboat captain have a lot of laughs! Definitely keep planning your acceptance speech. Your award might be just around the corner!

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