Life sucks and oh, yeah, there are a-holes everywhere

I added a little tease to yesterday’s post about Anne Hathaway‘s wayward vagina that was awinkin’ and ablinkin’ at the photogs. It was like she had a big arrow pointing to what’s called a fannie in UK SPK. (Trust me, DO NOT go to England and ask anyone where you can buy a fanny pack). It was all waving back and forth, “Hey, look at me! Don’t waste time following LiLo or Honey BooBoo. Come on in, y’all! Take a peeky-weeky.”

end of the world

Is this for real?

I was full of brag and swag a couple weeks ago when all the planets were aligned and I got the vintage Valentino and that handbag, and I was skipping through my days throwing a little enchanted fairy dust to the right and to the left, la la la. The extra shot of Grand Marnier in my Perfect Margarita was the Missoni sweater I got at that same consignment shop. BTW, I really have two arms, one was busy snapping the pic.


Well, it all came to a crashing halt. Nothing catastrophic–just a minor mis-alignment.

Signals of doom and gloom

The first harbinger of misfortune is the apparent neverending absence of my hubs whom I had expected home for sure by Christmas. Now I’m gonna be lucky to see him for our nineteenth wedding anniversary February 20.

The second toll of the bell occurred when I was cutting my lawn and my dumbass bitch neighbor stopped by to watch me for a bit and then snarkily ask why I don’t get a divorce since he’s never here. AND she wasn’t joking, not that it would have been funny, anyway. Way to go to be supportive, bitch. Hey, why don’t you make your husband wear a shirt so the school kids don’t get an anatomy lesson in old man buttcrack and wrinkly manboobs, huh?

And the third (‘cos things like this come in threes, right?) happened at my gym. I don’t know why these things always seem to happen when the captain’s gone–that’s part of the whole message, I suppose. The boot camp class I attend starts at 9:00 a.m. and I like to get there a bit early to claim my upper right quadrant spot on the floor.

Here’s why: 1. I’m an ex-ballet dancer and I need mirrors to survive. 2. It reduces germ exposure if no one is in front or to the right of me. 3. I like to look at myself (refers back to #1.)

If you promise not to hate me, I’ll offer up a confession here. I LOVE to work out. I love to lift weights, work my muscles ’til they scream, and feel the burn. I enjoy challenging my body to exceed the previous day’s reps, weights, or endurance. For me, it’s very empowering to feel and be strong. Short girl syndrome.

I’ve turned left at the stoplight into the center where the gym is located.driving into the gymI’m in the left of the two one-way lanes. The car next to me drifts into my lane, cutting me off, so I honk and keep honking because I have to slam on my brakes to avoid getting hit and also ‘cos I have nowhere to go except up on that grassy median. The car turned right at that first entrance to the gym.

I couldn’t see who it was, but I assumed it could possibly have been an elderly driver who was going to attend the “Silver Seniors” area of the gym. I checked in and walked down the hall to the room where they hold the Group X classes which is directly across from the weight room. I saw a friend of mine, said hello and then,

“I sure wish I knew who cut me off when I was driving in here.”

From behind us, we heard a voice,

“It was me.”

Cool, an admission of guilt with a witness. It wasn’t an elderly lady; it was a sour faced older guy with greasy gray hair and a straggly beard. I said,

“Hey, you cut me off back there. You were taking up both lanes and I had nowhere to go. You should really be more careful.”

Well…he went batshit crazy, ballistic, out of control, yelling at me in front of what was now a whole group of my friends who were waiting for our class to begin. I have never seen this person before; we had no history, nothing.

“Just shutUP and get your ass in that room for that bullshit you guys do. And fuck you! And shut the fuck up!”

and then some random crap about how I didn’t have to be driving next to him at the same time that he was there ?? and a few more “fuck yous” before he walked into the weight room.

I didn’t ever respond back to him cos I got it, he was crazy–but I also don’t think any woman should accept any kind of abuse from anyone, and I know he never would have been so abusive if the captain had been around, and that pissed me off even more. I went to the front desk and explained to the manager what had occurred and asked him to document this incident and have a talk with the guy cos not only did I not accept being mistreated but he shouldn’t allow that kind of behavior in the gym. The big 6ft 4inch baby didn’t want to do it, but I was pretty insistent so he had a talk with him. By that time, some of my body building friends were on the scene and they were enthusiastically providing me with security. Apparently, that guy is known as being a jerk in general, but has a real problem with women. It was very unpleasant and I was pretty stressed out by that attack, but my friends convinced me to stay. Since then, I’ve been driving the hub’s truck in case he wants to hurt my car since he obvs knows my wheels, and I’m being extra careful not to make eye contact with any other potentially unstable lunatics who want to bully me.

The pic makes it look like the carpet is stained, but it's not.

The pic makes it look like the carpet is stained, but it’s not.

Things just don’t seem to be going my way right now. Look at the empty space where our Christmas tree would be. No wonder I stay here and glue seashells all day. It’s a jungle out there. I’m all set for 12-21-12. How about you?


31 thoughts on “Life sucks and oh, yeah, there are a-holes everywhere

  1. Take a deep breath,Shelly; you are in the middle of all the holidays,(it’s the middle of Hanukkah and Christmas is coming), your son isn’t there and neither is the Captain.Yep, that guy was a jerk and so is your neighbor.They obviously don’t have the relationship you have with Captain Nice.I don’t mean to say that you have to pity them, just don’t let their sorry patooties get your panties in a bunch.(With any luck; I hope you aren’t going all ‘Anne Hathaway’).
    I should hate you for loving to work out,but I admire you more.Enjoy your health,Kiddo.
    (And coincidence # 82; my “Angel Boy’s”[grandson’s] birthday is Feb 20th!)


    • Happy Birthday to your grandson! Feb 20 is a great day. Don’t hate me for loving to work out, hate me because I used to teach aerobics ha ha! It’s just hard to have to see people every day who are mean. Thanks for the –well was it a pat on the back or a kick in the butt?


      • It was a ‘pat-pat-pat-pat-pat’, “there, there” on the back!
        I don’t hate you for teaching people to be healthy and toned…I just hate that my lousy joints and entire spine and everything else that is falling apart that won’t let me be little miss aerobic…I ‘feel the burn’ when I’m sitting still…(cue the violins!)


  2. “Here’s why: 1. I’m an ex-ballet dancer and I need mirrors to survive. 2. It reduces germ exposure if no one is in front or to the right of me. 3. I like to look at myself (refers back to #1.)” Funny, stuff ES. This made me laugh. I’m sorry about the a-holes and the captain being gone, but thank you for writing about it because it cheered me up in a weird way. Knowing people all go through rough patches. I admire your authenticity. Great pictures, too.


    • Oh yes, I love it! Spinning, boot camp, pilates, yoga, so much fun! I used to teach aerobics there before it got sold to 24hr fitness, and that was really cool.

      On Thu, Dec 13, 2012 at 6:02 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


  3. Well you see I did not include a picture of my sad, little tree. Hell, I feel sorry for it and want to give it a
    As for the Jerk man, you had way more self Control than me so high-five..I am sure an eff-u would have come flying out of my mouth.. He’s a miserable sort.. and Just think, come Feb. your sweetie returns and that will be amazing with a Capital A!!


    • Oh ok, thank you. I am just wallowing in it right now! I only didn’t go off on that ahole cos i wanted the witnesses to testify (just thinking ahead!) that the mean man verbally abused the defenseless little lady and she did not respond in kind. Looks good in a legal sense. 🙂 no i’m not an attny but my dad was!

      On Thu, Dec 13, 2012 at 6:47 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


    • Thank you for caring; he wasn’t one of those guys, he’s not built or anything, just a bitter guy who probably has to pay child support and hates all women.

      On Thu, Dec 13, 2012 at 7:24 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


      • thank you! My big mouth has gotten me in so much trouble, it’s about time I finally learned when to NOT react. Plus, I was afraid he’d key my car!

        On Thu, Dec 13, 2012 at 8:36 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


  4. Wow. Had I read this last night, I would’ve been all “You need to freakin’ hit somebody. That’s so shitty.” But this morning, I’m in my calm place. Number one, you are a great mother and a great wife and your husband loves you very much. He’s just at work. My husband may not actually go away like yours, but he’s not really available even when he is here. Some people’s jobs are just busy like that. It gets lonely sometimes, I get it, but you’ve made it this far. It shows how strong and committed the two of you are to each other. Two, as for the guy at the gym, some people are just idiots. Don’t let him phase you. And you pump iron. And you are a dancer. You could probably scissor-kick him right in the nose and knock him out if you wanted to, if that’s even a move LOL. Just do some extra cardio and a few more hundred squat jumps and you’ll feel better! Sorry that your hubby isn’t coming home for Christmas though. I am making something fun (for you and for Stacia) that I think you’ll like. Probably be ready next week, fingers crossed. xo


    • Thank you! Right now whatever my little problems are seem hardly worth talking about. The school shooting with all those kids dead has stopped me in my tracks. I called my son in Connecticut just you know to hear his voice cos I know he’s nowhere near there but, you know. We live across the street from the elementary school in Carlsbad that a shooter came on campus and shot two little girls a couple years ago. It’s beyond horrible. But…back to me. I’m excited to see what’s going on, what are you making for us????

      On Fri, Dec 14, 2012 at 8:33 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


      • I just read about the shooting right after finishing your post. You are so right. There are no words. It’s unfathomable. As for what I’m making, you’ll just have to wait and see. I’ll give you a hint – gold 😉


  5. Sorry to hear of all you went through. I hope life is going much better for you now, and that you’ve had no more problem with the guy who went ballistic on you. FWIW, I feel sorry for him. Any man who would do that to someone and then react the way he did, needs help–or at least a major attitude adjustment–and must be dealing with some very awful stuff in his life. I’m not making excuses for him. If he’d have done that to my wife, my reaction would very likely NOT be to feel sorry for him–at least in the moment. Perhaps later, after his attitude–or mine–had been thoroughly adjusted.



    • Thank you so much for your kind words, Russ! I wish you had been with me that day, that’s one of the negatives when the hubs is out of town all the time. I’m glad there were people around me “witnesses” in case it got ugly, but I haven’t seen him since the caps been back. All is good!

      On Thu, Jan 10, 2013 at 2:00 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo


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