Don’t Worry, Martin Scorsese, I’m not a threat to your career…for now

Maybe this is the new path of my life’s journey–what do YOU think?
I’m sorta new to Facebook and Twitter and all other forms of social networking, but I wanted to upload the video I shot of TheFurFiles during our most recent Skyped chick date–a shopping adventure and the final reveal of the chosen gown.

After spending two days researching “how to” on Google and WordPress.com, I discovered that I can’t upload self-made video the same way as photos are uploaded unless I purchase the upgrade–which I’m not about to do YET–and you’ll most definitely agree with that decision–as soon as you view my first foray into filmmaking.

The only way I could figure out how to accomplish this was to first upload to my Facebook account and then inbed it as a link. This took about two hours, not kidding.

Attempts to be famous
I tried to create something spectacular in iMovie. As you will see and AGREE, that didn’t happen. What is most upsetting to me–and which I will share with you as a tugboat wife’s confession– is the knowledge that I studied filmmaking in graduate school at San Diego State University.

Yup, I switched mid-stream from Education to the Dramatic Arts with the hopes that I would be a force to be reckoned with behind as well as in front of the camera. And we know where that led to, right? It led NOWHERE.

Has anyone ever heard of me? Am I on any Red Carpet? Are paps following my every move? Do I have a plastic surgeon on retainer? Is Johnny Depp in my Rolodex?

Six degrees of separation from Dustin Hoffman without a restraining order
Well…at one time I did have Dustin Hoffman’s dad’s telephone number, but I called so much, they changed the number. That is a possibly true and possibly not true story. I won’t tell.

How I annoyed Gene Wilder
During the aforementioned carefree college days, I worked part-time at a restaurant in a fancy shmancy area on the a beach. I won’t give the restaurant a name because they weren’t very nice to me and I quit. If you must know THAT story–well–here it is.

I was the hostess/cashier and one day I had to leave my “post” to use the restroom. I’m a girl–we pee a lot and my mom said we should never hold it or we’ll get a UTI, right?  The maitre de (asshole) told me I COULD NOT GO UNTIL MY APPROVED BREAK TIME. Being the quick witted girl that I was learning to become, I told him that was FINE WITH ME as long as he cut a hole in the stool I was sitting on and put a bucket under it, because I was going to  urinate (yes, I said urinate, not pee) one way or another.  And then I got up,  flounced out, and never came back. True, true, all true, hand over heart, pinky swear TRUE. This incident happened AFTER the Gene Wilder adventure in humiliation.

Back to Gene Wilder. He was there. Eating. Not with Gilda Radner, but with a group of men. I can’t remember the year, but it was prolly around 1975-ish. Picture this. I see him. I’m thinking to myself, he’ll see me, want my number, my agent’s number, he’s gonna cast me in a film, I’m gonna be discovered, I’m gonna be famous, I’m gonna have a starring role, I’m gonna be FAMOUS with capital letters!!!! So…I fluff out my hair–you’ve seen it and you know that it needs no fluffing. (I can picture you shaking your head in agreement.)  I then UNBUTTON PRETTY MUCH MY ENTIRE BLOUSE so that my non-existent cleavage is fully displayed. I’m so excited that I’m hyperventilating, right? Can you see it? I smear on more lipstick and and lip gloss-a little pouty lip action–and saunter across the the dining room to his table. I channel my inner Marilyn Monroe….jutting our my best assets, and with a throaty voice, bend over to show it all, and I say,

“Uh, helllooo Mr. Wilder. I just love—“

That was IT. That was as far as I got, because he turned to me with his stupid blue eyes and ratty curly blond hair and replied in a curt and abruptly dismissive tone,

“Could you please go away and stop bothering us?”

and to make it even worse–if that was even possible–he followed that with

“And I’m not giving any autographs, either.”

Of course I turned the brightest shade of fuchsia, flop sweat formed under my armpits and dripped slowly down my body, and I tripped over myself as I swiftly slinked away, dying a little bit with every step. If only I could have had the courage THEN that I have NOW,  I would have told him he didn’t have to be so mean to a sweet and innocent nineteen-year-old with stars in her eyes. A little empathy–a little compassion-goes a long way. Perhaps events like this helped to form and engender the unleashing of my inner beeyotch. (And yes, he complained to the management about me.)

Back to the original storyline…

Baking
So far, TheFurFiles and I have had two Skype-dates. Apple pie baking was our first fun activity together. This was her first pie experience and she came through it without a scratch. Her pie looked amazing! (I’m a pretty good coach, if I do say so myself.)

Shopping
This time, she needed a couple of gowns for two special events and I thought I’d tag along to give my valuable input–but really, who am I fooling–I love to shop! Even though we’re 2833 miles apart. (I had to look that up cos I had NO idea where Ottowa was.) Picture this: I’m at home in SoCal, sitting on my pink and grey/green sofa adorned with animal print pillows–and I’m Skyping.

This is my beloved Bandit (deceased) who allowed us to share her sofa-sometimes.

This is my beloved Bandit (deceased) who allowed us to share her sofa-sometimes.

Ms. Furry is in a department store (geez, do they even have those things in the wilds of Canada?) with her husband wielding her iPhone and Skyping me. I have my basic point and shoot camera videotaping the “trying on” of gowns and cocktail dresses. It is her HUBS that can’t keep the phone horizontal. THAT isn’t my fault, but I left it in my clip thinking it made a sort of artistic point-but upon further reflection, I’m not sure what that could BE.

THE VIDEO
A disclaimer is important to post here. This is not quite the worst video you’ll ever see. The worst one EVER is the vid of my son’s commencement ceremony. Without a doubt, it would win every “worst ever” contest. This is a close runner-up. Go ahead and laugh, it’s OK!  Like the title of this post admits, I know I’m no threat to Scorsese! (One day I’ll figure out how to post my son’s vid and embarrass him and yes, that’s a threat.)

http://www.facebook.com/video/embed?video_id=159952094154849

Advertisements

34 thoughts on “Don’t Worry, Martin Scorsese, I’m not a threat to your career…for now

    • I think we are on to something, don’t you? Honestly, I thought you were directly north of me, I thought you were near alaska or something. Imagine how I laughed when I saw you are closer to our east coast! Duh, guess geography wasn’t my strong suit–like filmmaking! You look so cute.

      On Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 10:58 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

      • Yeah, we are pretty far apart. It takes longer for me to get to you than it does for me to get to Jamaica. And yeah, I do think we are onto something. Not sure what yet, but all will reveal itself in time. We just have to keep experimenting. 🙂 And I suck at geography.

        Like

  1. Watched the video and it isn’t bad. Love the dress and it looks great. One site I have used in the past is One True Video but you have to have Jpgs since it’s a series of pictures and you add music to the background. It’s free. Once you complete it you have the option to send it to You Tube, Have used it for the business. Just a thought for the future if you and Amanda do something else!

    Mad a Gene Wilder now. Sounds like a complete jerk!!

    Like

    • I’ll check that out and thank you! I might go to Apple and take an iMovie class.Also need a youtube acct. when i took filmmaking, there was no internet, haha! You would think that cherubic looking gene wilder wouldn’t be such a jerk. I mean, come on, I was so cute and naive and hopeful. Way to go, jerk.

      On Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 12:04 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

      • That would be neat if you took a course. Yes, you should get a You Tube acct. It’s easy. I posted about 5 videos on there. Very time consuming but fun. Remember when there was no internet..lol. Yes, can’t believe he was such a jerk. I have heard that about some celebrities. His Loss!!!!

        Like

  2. I like the slight shaky camera movement, very reminiscent of early 1990’s Woody Allen films, or old episodes of NYPD Blue! Of course, no one in that series or Woody’s movies was ever as well dressed as that northern vixen, Fern! I give this film two snaps up in a “Z” formation! =)

    On a side note, I have was hit on by Penn from Penn and Teller when I was in college and working in a Barnes and Noble cafe in Chelsea (NYC). I took my co-worker aside and was like, “That creepy guy just hit on me.”, and he was all, “You mean Penn? As in Penn from Penn and Teller?”. “Dude, ok, you mean he’s a famous creepy guy?” LOL

    Like

    • OMG what a great story! did you run back to him and say now that I know who you are, you’re still creepy but in not such a creepy way? LOL Shaky camera angle, I like that. I’m a ground breaking shaking artiste! geez, filming an iPhone skyped convo is hard!

      On Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 12:48 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

      • Nope, I don’t remember what I said to him, but it probably was like, “Here’s your coffee” That cafe was all hustle and bustle, so you were in and out in the blink of a starstruck eye. LOL

        Like

      • Your iPhone filming is revolutionary! you’re boldly going into the dressing rooms that no one has gone into before…well, unless Fern is kinkier than I suspect, that is! LOL

        Like

      • I should have set it up better. I’m home on my mac with a camera. She’s in Canada with her hubs who’s wielding the iphone. It was all very cutting edge, oh yeah! and I don’t know how kinky Fern is…hmmm, something to ponder!

        On Sat, Feb 9, 2013 at 8:39 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

        Like

  3. Nicely done. Question: can’t you create a youtube account upload your video and then embed the link on a post?
    Gene Wilder–GACK
    Hope your son is weathering the storm ok

    Like

    • NOW you tell me! That’s what MS Furry said too, but I had already done it the other way and it worked. When I upload my son’s graduation video, I’ll do the whole youtube thing. And thanks for asking about him-ever the child, he got his XC skis out to go up to East Rock tomorrow. Another adventure in the life of…How are you doing? Your daughter OK?

      On Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 3:33 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

      • I haven’t heard from her. Not surprised. I hope she is out having fun wth her friends. She is a freshman in college–
        We are fine. Cold and filling up containers of water in case we lose power. Going to get down to -2 tomorrow night. UGH
        Thanks for asking too. 🙂

        Like

      • you poor dear! if your planes were flying, id tell you to hop over to my coast and play outside with me! oh well. take care and keep warm!!!

        On Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 3:39 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

        Like

    • I appreciate your understanding and kindness. Another post will be how my casting couch nightmare ordeal stopped me from pursuing that career. I could name names too if I wanted to. He’s still around. WHEN I become a famous writer (haha) I will not be mean, especially to young girls who look up to me. And he deserved your barf! I’ll carry the Altoids.

      On Fri, Feb 8, 2013 at 3:35 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

      Like

  4. I definitely need to open up a Facebook. I just have never gotten around to it. I am missing the video! I don’t blame you for not wanting to add the video quite yet to WP. I did purchase more space for pictures but I probably won’t ever need the video portion. You two are too cute! It is so much fun to hear about your ongoing plans via online!

    Like

  5. Pingback: The Matticus Kingdom # 200 | thematticuskingdom

  6. Pingback: Guest Post: (Aunt) Princess Rosebud writes a letter to the Jester | thematticuskingdom

Now it's your turn to share your pearls with me. Cheers!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s