A mom is a mom forever

I’m an A to B kind of Princess, black and white like the colors of a Chanel Boutique.  Ziggy zaggy paths or gray areas…not so much. I had a clear-cut idea about how I was going to approach my topic du jour but like an annoying kid pulling at my shirt while I’m on the telephone, other ideas were poking at my consciously unconscious subconscious and I had to put aside my wonderfully witty post about vacuuming (!) and take a detour.

Listen up, moms!

Our children are ours to love and protect no matter how old they are — newborn, two years, sixteen, twenty-one, or even in their thirties, like my own Angel Boy.

The fragility of life smacked me in the head a few days ago. You just NEVER know when that call will come that stops you in your tracks.

I wrote a post last week about getting Botox and Juvederm with a couple of my girlfriends.
On Friday, my friend C and I stopped by the Chanel boutique inside Macy’s so she could get her makeup done. She’s doesn’t wear a lot of makeup but she’s going to the Dominican Republic with her boyfriend  for a couple weeks and would be attending a formal event and wanted to be glammed up.

While she’s being pampered and beautified, her iPhone rings. It’s her son, thirty years old, a really sweet boy, her only child. He was sick and didn’t know what was wrong with him. He sent her some pictures. His left eye was completely swollen shut and it looked very puffy and angry. He was in a lot of pain and had a headache. He told his mom (I’m having her repeat everything to me) that he woke up that way a few days before, had gone to an urgent care facility, and they sent him away with some antibiotics (I don’t know what kind) thinking perhaps it was a spider bite. The alternative diagnosis was herpes zoster (more commonly known as “shingles”). The headache was becoming unbearable.

My mom was a Registererd Nurse, and I have a pretty fair medical background because I listened to her a lot and I worked for my doctor cousin back when I thought I wanted to be a doctor myself, but I was no brainiac in math and science. I’m the one people call when they have a medical issue and want advice, and I always tell them to go to a doctor, but try to help them become educated patients or caregivers or parents.

I asked her to ask her son if he had a fever. Of course, he didn’t have a thermometer, (come one, everyone needs a digital thermometer!!) but he was having chills and his girlfriend said he felt warm.

I told my friend to tell her son to go back to the doctor immediately. If it was a spider bite, I was concerned that the location of the bite was near his eye and brain and needed more aggressive treatment. If it was shingles, he needed a more educated diagnosis and a different approach.

At this point, my friend was becoming really freaked out. We’re sitting in two makeup chairs and she’s worrying about her only child, her baby boy. She asked me what I would do if it were my son. I didn’t hesitate. I told her I would be on a flight to him right that instant. Sometimes the most random medical things can deteriorate at an alarming rate and she needed to be with him in a worst case scenario. I would. In a heartbeat.

We left the store and she promised to keep in touch.  He went back to the doctor, had a temp of 101 and a persistent headache. They told him it looked like he had shingles, gave him a steroid injection, and sent him home.

He had a bad night with a severe heachache that kept him awake.

My friend drove to the next state where he lives, a six-hour drive.

She emailed me that he had suffered a seizure and was in intensive care. They were doing tests to try and figure out what was wrong. Along with his other symptoms, a grand mal seizure in an otherwise completely healthy young man is very troublesome.

My last email from her was that the doctors had no clear answers, but he seemed to be feeling better and might be released in a couple days.

Did you think this was going to end with a story about every parent’s nightmare? I really thought it was going in that direction. I’m hopeful he will have a diagnosis and he doesn’t have any more seizures and this was simply a random, aberrant episode in his otherwise happy life. I haven’t heard from her today. Fingers crossed.

But it made me sit back and think. Being a mom is immutable, enduring, never-ending — and that’s the way it should be. The days of changing diapers and nursing them to sleep might be over, but they will always need us to be the one constant in their lives–the one person they can turn to who will run like the wind to wherever they are.

That’s what a good mom should do. That’s a mom’s job.

You never know when it’s going to be the last time you see them. The last I love you. This is a reminder for us all to treasure all of their precious moments, no matter how old they are.

(Before I hear from any dads out there, this is MY perspective and MY opinion as a mom.)

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49 thoughts on “A mom is a mom forever

    • I watched the whole thing unfold and thought about all the kids who get a cut, it gets infected, they don’t take it too seriously and next thing you know they have that flesheating bacteria and….well, you know the outcome. I didn’t want to panic her but I told her what I’d do if it were my angel boy, I’m glad she went.

      On Tue, Mar 12, 2013 at 1:23 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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  1. My eldest is 28, the man-child 18 and I still (and always will) hover and fret..it’s who and what we are as Mom’s..good vibes your friends son is okay and on the road to recovery!

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  2. You know what hot the the most about this, Hon?…It’s the “Her only child” line.I hear that from mothers of only children,(or “my only daughter; my only son”.) Got news for all of you…the others aren’t “SPARES”! There is enough love to go around for more than one kid; trust me. I don’t worry less when #1 son is out fighting fires because his brother is home safe.I didn’t worry less about #2 son when he was in Iraq because my other son was nearby.It is just as horrifying for me every time one of them has been in an accident or hospital for some reason;I never stopped and though,”Oh, well, I have another”; actually, when one is in big trouble, you don’t even stop to think of the other; you MOM-mode goes in full-force and THAT one is your baby right then. Each child is as precious as one. Nope.The world goes around whichever one needs you the most at that time, and they become “My only” when problems arise. Trust me here.
    And please let me know how your friend’s son is.I pray for the best.

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    • Thank you, I’ll forward your good thoughts to my friend. I only know that in my personal decision, I didn’t want any other children and neither did she–it was a choice, so when we say “only”, it’s a fact. If something happens to my angel, I have no other children to love, and neither would she. We can’t begin to know how it is to have more than one for the simple fact that we do not. I never had to say, like for xmas or hannukah, I’ll give my son a gift and then have to have a gift for another child. There is only one and he gets everything and all of me. (whether he wants it or not!)

      On Tue, Mar 12, 2013 at 12:02 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • My point.It’s not like splitting up the Christmas present budget.When they called from the hospital two weeks ago and said that my son was rushed back after surgery because they thought he had a pulmonary embolism, there was no one else in the world but him until they cleared him of that and released him from the hospital.

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      • I hope your son will be OK! It must have been very scary to get that phone call. I’m a very selfish person and didn’t want to share myself with anyone. I didn’t want to have to think about anybody but him and plus, what if I had another one and I didn’t like them or they weren’t as wonderfully smart as he was? If you have two or three or four or 19 kids close in age, I don’t they they (or however many) get all of you-out of necessity you have to cut your time in half or thirds or whatever. I just never wanted to feel like I ever shortchanged him. But everyone is different, I’m not judging moms who can parent more than one. I just know I never wanted to and neither did my son’s dad. Our baby is our world, even tho we’re not married anymore. And yes, someday I’ll write the stories about how we’re all good friends, he and my tugboat man hang out together. (true)

        On Tue, Mar 12, 2013 at 3:15 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • Thanks,#1 Son is back to work but we’re still checking on the problem.Scary as hell,I don’t mind telling you.
        Now, there are some people who play favorites, but I don’t think you’d have that problem.They are different people but they have their qualities.I can’t explain, but you don’t have to worry about it.Angel Boy is in good hands. I have no doubt that he and Capt Tug get along; there is no reason for them not to.I do not understand step-family problems.We’ve had many successful step-families in both my family and my husband’s.If the person cannot love your kid, they certainly aren’t worth anything,let alone your life… that’s my advice to anyone.

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      • correct. there would be no tugboat man if my baby didn’t love him. But I was actually referring to my EX husband and tugboat man being friends and hanging out together, ha ha. We call them #1 and #2. In fact, tugboat man calls Ex to say goodbye every time he goes out to sea.

        On Tue, Mar 12, 2013 at 3:32 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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      • Oh, I had no doubt about that.I have lost track of some of The Husband’s nieces and nephews because I am not sure which ones are ‘blood’ and who are step-kids; there is no difference in the family.My grandfather was his stepson’s best friend and he had the other stepsons close to him. They were never my mother’s HALF-brothers, just ‘brothers’. The oldest died young and his widow remarried.He became our uncle and was so close in the family that when one of his sons,(our cousins’ half-brother), decided to flirt with my(then) teenage sister, his father slapped him across the shoulder and said,”She’s your cousin!” I was truly impressed with Mr.Baby’sFather and the Capt. being so palsy-walsy!

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  3. Came over through a RT by Vikki Claflin. I could feel it in my bones when I read he had a seizure. Im so glad you told your friend you would go to your child. Sometimes we just need a bit of reassurance that we arent overreacting. But seriously, it’s always better to overreact than be surprised at home when that terrifying call comes in. Hoping for good news from your friend.

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    • I so appreciate the RT and I am so grateful you stopped by to comment. I too had a bad feeling, just like you, and I was afraid to panic her, but on the other hand, I couldn’t just sit there and say, “Oh, I’m sure he’ll be all right”. I really thought she was going to call me next and say he was in a coma, but now I’m waiting for another update, fingers crossed that he will at least have a diagnosis, and I’ll post an update. Thanks for supporting my decision to tell her to GO, she’s a good mom but doesn’t have a whole lot of medical knowledge.

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  4. And by that I mean here we are feeling carefree, getting glammed up, and on the other side of the world (or at least one state away) is someone we love sliding into a medical scare. Yikes!

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  5. I love your consciously unconscious subconscious – its always dead on! I hope this message finds your friend’s son much better. On another note – doctors no longer seem to view signs and symptoms as a challenge to be solved. Too many people are sent home from ER without proper diagnosis. Its all about time and not quality now. Sorry for the mini rant.

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    • Love your rant, and you are spot on with this situation. I just got the word that he was released from hosp and feeling better but no clearcut DX. What’s up with that? I’d be all, I want answers and I want them now. If one doc can’t figure it out, let’s get as many on it as it takes. My friend kind of just accepts the vague answers, but not me!!!

      On Wed, Mar 13, 2013 at 10:46 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo

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