A Generation Fabulous Blog Hop: The Best Thing I Learned From My Mother
Me: “Hey, Mom, guess what?”
Mom: “You’re pregnant.”
Me: “How did you know that’s what I was gonna say?”
Mom: “A mom knows these things.”
That’s my mom. She was born in 1915 and died in 1989 from pancreatic cancer. She lived with us until the end. I cared for her with the help of a wonderful hospice team.
I was a mid-life baby –born in 1954. She was afraid that I was going to be affected with Downs Syndrome, although they didn’t call it that. At that time, it was referred to as Mongoloidism, which is no longer in technical use as its considered offensive. They didn’t have genetic testing back then and it scared her that I was such a good baby, always happy and never cried.
The doctor told her I would make up for it by causing her heartache when I was a teenager, and I did — but that story is for another time…
My mom became a registered nurse at a time when abortions were illegal. She often told me that the horrible things that she saw in the hospital — the aftereffects of a botched backroom abortion — were the reasons she was one thousand percent pro-choice right from the beginning.
“A woman has the right to choose whether or not she wants to have a child.”
That’s something I learned from my mom.
“No man has the right to tell a woman what to do with her body.”
I learned that from my mom, too.
These forward thinking ideas were even more remarkable when you consider that her father — my grandfather — was a Rabbi. My mom was one of seven children. They moved from town to town as my grandfather moved from synagogue to synagogue — a nomadic life. Although she was born in Minnesota, my mom spoke with a slight southern drawl because the family spent many years in the south.
They eventually ended up in Detroit. I loved hearing my mom tell the story of climbing onto a city bus and walking to the back along with an African-American girl who had been told to “get to the back of the bus”. The bus driver kicked my mom off for being a troublemaker.
Obviously, that’s where I got my big mouth. I learned to speak up for those less fortunate — to fight for those that have no voice. I learned to speak up when I see child abuse or animal cruelty. As proud as I was of her, I know she’d be equally as proud of me.
My mom taught me what it meant to be a mother. She abhorred daycare and nannies and was disdainful of mothers who worked. She told me that people shouldn’t have children if they don’t want them and if they can’t take proper care of them.
No stranger would raise HER grandchild.
“A child deserves to have a mom who will selflessly dedicate her life to her child with unconditional love.”
I always knew I would be a stay-at-home-mom — my mom showed me how.
And also thanks to my mom, I wear perfume every day — Chance by Chanel. It’s my signature, even if I’m just going to the gym. I learned that from my mom, too.
“Don’t save perfume for special occasions.” Fragrance can turn rancid and sour smelling. This is what she said when she presented me with my very first bottle of real parfum — Joy by Jean Patou.
“Wear it every day. Wear it for yourself.”
Along with a love for cleaning the house with bleach, collecting seashells and blue glass, my mom passed on the shopping gene.
My passion for the finer things in life are directly related to that first mother-daughter dress, my first pink satin ballet shoes, my first silk blouse, and my first treasured cashmere sweater.
When we enjoyed a bit of retail therapy, Mommy (yes, I called her Mommy) liked to buy me things because she said it made her happy.
Her favorite saying was, “It’s only money.”
That cracks up my tugboat man — although she passed away a few years before we met– he says he’s now paying the price (literally) and carrying on the tradition – under duress. Ha ha ha!
Thank you, Mommy. I miss you so very much.
This is a bloghop!
Glad that you had such a great relationship with your mom.
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Thank you, she was special!
On Sun, May 5, 2013 at 10:55 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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It sounds like you had a wonderful mother! I don’t have fond memories of times with my mother, we didn’t shop together, she hated having someone else in her kitchen so we didn’t bake together either. I tried to do better with my own daughter, but I still hate shopping, so she had to go with friends. But I was always there for her to talk with whenever she wanted.
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You are so wonderful to have learned from what you didn’t get when you were young instead of being the same way. Shopping isn’t all that important-being there IS! i hope you have a wonderful mothers day. I had to post it early to participate in the blog hop, now what will I do for mothers day? Maybe I’ll make my son write something about me and post it here.
On Sun, May 5, 2013 at 10:57 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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Lovely story. So enjoyed learning a litlle bit about you and your mother. Sweet smelling.
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Haha! I have to say that I really do smell very good….Thank you and thank you for stopping by.
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What a beautiful tribute to your mother. She sounds like a truly incredible person and I’m not surprised you miss you so much.
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I do miss her a lot. For a lot of reasons including that she missed my son’s phd last year, but personally I miss her cos she was so fun to shop with! 🙂
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Your mother sounds like a real character, someone who definitely made up her own mind when it came to controversial subjects and wasn’t swayed by others’ opinions. She’s passed that strength on to you, I can tell!
W.
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I think that’s a wonderful assessment of her; she became more outspoken the older she got!
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Smart mom. 🙂 And very courageous!
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She was pretty cool. And really funny!
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Now I need to go get me some good perfume. I’ve started using my “good” dishes more often, but I haven’t thought about snazzing things up with perfume. Nice post with great pics.
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How very kind of you! Yes, you spray that good scent, girl! You deserve it!
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You and your mom sound a lot alike. I love your yellow dress; it looks like you learned the art of dressing well from your mom, too.
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I love the dress too, and my mom’s dress, but I think I had a bit of a weight problem–I look a little chunky! But I was 9, I think, and sometimes that happens…Glad you stopped by! Happy early Mother’s Day.
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 6:58 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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Many children get a little heavy right before they grow, but you do not look chunky to me.
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Thank you for that. I was a ballet dancer and skinny was the key to being a perfect dancer. Sigh.
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 7:12 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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This was lovely about your mom! You and I have a lot of things in common, too, about growing up and motherly advice. And, of course, I was also a perfectly wonderful daughter until about age 16 when all hell broke loose.
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My hell broke loose at the age of 13, ha ha ha! I wish I had listened to more of her advice, that’s for sure.
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 7:07 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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My Mom was a nurse too, wore perfume daily..I still recall that Charles of the Ritz silver bottle I swiped from her dresser in 5th grade..went to school smelling like a perfume factory.. she never said a word either..you and i were most fortunate to have such wonderful Mother’s..I miss my Mom more than I can allow myself to realize..
Happy Mother’s day to us!!!
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Charles of the Ritz, I remember that too! Did your mom wear that white nurse’s cap? Mine only started working when I was in high school and I remember her white hose and that hat. I still have it somewhere, too. Yeah, it’s tough to not have a mom around, I agree.
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 7:20 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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Loved the story and loved the pictures. The first one reminds me of my mom and the house I was raised in. Sweet memories.
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Thank you, Connie! Nice to meetcha. Those old houses had the best front porches. We don’t have that out here.
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 8:17 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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I love your mom! And, a lot made sense to me when I read this, of why I feel drawn to you, not just the blog site and your posts but a sense of you, a kindred spirit. I wish I could have met your beautiful mother, she could have been an aunt. She’s lovely and my kinda woman. (a tiny aside: my mother was from a family of 8 from Chicago. My father a family of 9 from England and his father was a cantor). For all we know, we could be related somewhere down the genetic line. Thank you for this marvelous post. Big cyber hugs, Paulette
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A cantor, how cool is that! And what a big family, maybe that’s why my mom was pro-birth control, too! She thought there were too many kids in her family. My mom was even shorter than me and very soft spoken (not like me!) but she had a lot to say. yes, we do have a lot in common! 🙂 PS Rain here today, how are you doing? Is it helping the fires?
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 8:43 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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Thanks Goodness 80% contained and hoping that the rain does the trick. Big happy dance for the rain. Love love love it! 🙂
My mom was a shortie also and I’m only 5’2 3/4″ (shrinking as we speak, lol). She wasn’t big on verbalizing things. I grew up with cousins and relatives over to our place, singing and carrying on. Can’t recall ever meeting my grandpa the cantor but figure that’s why living and being around my family was like living in a Broadway musical. You couldn’t breathe a word without it triggering a song (of course I’m exaggerating).
Been great chatting. 🙂
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🙂
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 9:34 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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I love the part about the doctor telling your mom that you’d make up for your good baby behaviour when you got to be a teenager. So funny. And I also love the perfume suggestion. Every day is a special day – she was so right about that. She sounds like she was a wonderful woman, and she has a wonderful daughter!
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Thank you so much, she was really the best. she would have been so proud of my angel boy. 😦 gotta get back to that cleaning! hope all is good with you!
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 10:31 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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Let’s chat soon!
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Yes! 🙂
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 12:58 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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Let’s say next week one night, after Mother’s Day?
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I’m not sure when my son is leaving, so I’ll keep you updated!
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 4:25 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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Okie dokie!
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What a woman – I LOVE your mom. What a forward thinking, courageous, wise woman. Thank you for sharing her wisdom with us.
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You made my day. Thank you!!! What a very nice thing to say. I have no idea what she would think of FB or Twitter or blogging; she died long before social media, but she was always up for trying new things so I bet she’d enjoy everyone reading all about her!
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 6:03 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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You’re mom was a very special lady. Thanks for sharing her with us!
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You are welcome and thank you!!! We had a lot of fun together and she was an awesome grandma.
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 6:27 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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You’re lucky 🙂 and blessed
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I gotta agree with you. I miss her a lot. 😦 That’s what happens when you have a baby when you’re older. There’s less time to be together.
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 6:33 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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I wear Chanel #5 like my Mom. I love how your Mom fought for women’s right’s one view point at a time.
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Chanel #5 was her favorite scent too! I love it as well, but I’m really into Chance by Chanel now. For several years I wore Chanel’s Allure but switched it up a couple years ago. I guess I love everything Chanel…
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This is wonderful! My mom was a nurse and she, too, passed away from cancer. I miss her, too! 😦
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Poor you, I know how hard it is to wish mom was around. Happy Mother’s Day to you!
On Mon, May 6, 2013 at 8:31 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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I love the values your mother instilled in you! What a lucky daughter you were, to have such a strong role-model – and what a lucky son you have, to have such a mother. 🙂
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When my son’s here for Mother’s Day, I’m gonna make him read your comment so he can see how wonderful I am, hahaha! No really, thank you so much. My mom was so cool, I wish I had told her that when I had the chance…
On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 1:08 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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I love that your mom told you to use the perfume that day instead of waiting! I love her attitude and courage.
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Thank you! I wish I had appreciated her more…I do feel so wonderful with a spritz of scent every day. Hubs loves it too!
On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 4:19 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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I enjoyed this post about your mother. What a wise woman. I’d like to hear about the story about your teenage years. Curious minds want to know!
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I’m so glad you liked it! I can’t imagine what my mom would have thought of social media and blogging, but she had a Mustang when she was in her 70s so I think she’d be cool with it. I might have to stealth post my teenage stories so my son never finds out! LOL
On Tue, May 7, 2013 at 5:54 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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What a wonderful mom. No wonder you miss her.
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Sigh. I think I mostly miss her cos she’s not around for my son. She’d be so proud of him. Thank you for stopping by and come back again!
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Love that you got the shopping gene! And LOVE the phrase it’s only money! Amazing pictures. What treasures. Love DIL xoxox
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Glad you liked it!
On Wed, May 8, 2013 at 8:58 PM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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What a warm relationship with your Mom. And what a lovely tribute.
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You are very kind. She would be very proud of her grandson. Another post I’ll do one day is how we all lived together when she retired and my son called us both “mom” and we’d say, “Which one do you want, honey!”
On Thu, May 9, 2013 at 6:43 AM, Enchanted Seashells…Confessions of a Tugbo
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