Spit or Swallow?

Are you blushing? I surely am. And giggling like I’m in junior high, too.

watermelon I meant WATERMELON SEEDS, of course. Geez. Head out of the gutter, people, pull-eeze!

It’s almost Memorial Day and everyone’s gonna be barbecuing and eating watermelon, and I was just wondering…do you spit or swallow?

What did you think I was referring to?

Now that I have your attention — er — way back in 1892, where would you go to discuss intimate topics?

Hmmm?

Have you ever thought about that?

The Cottage PhysicianYou certainly wouldn’t have found the answers in The Cottage Physician, the old medical book that’s endlessly fascinating to me.

(Every so often, I’ll blow the dust off and share interesting tidbits here on Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I do.)

As I was thumbing through the yellowed and worn pages, I discovered a chapter about marital relations.

That was before the days of sex education in school, “Our Bodies, Ourselves“, and even Mr. Rogers‘ “Everybody’s Fancy”.

If you can wade through the gobbledygook and read between the lines, let me know if you are as confused as I was.

Excerpt fom The Cottage Physician:

Man and Wife

A Plain Exposition of Their Duties, Moral, Mental, and Physical

vintage weddingpicWe now meet, as it were, two pure beings at the altar, who have profited by the advice and example of judicious parents or guardians, of sound morals and social views; but notwithstanding that the crowning happiness of the two lovers has been achieved in their becoming man and wife, there is yet much to be considered and accomplished on the part of both before their feet are established upon a rock.

In the first moments of his matrimonial existence, then, the newly fledged husband must not suppose for a single instant the ears or the eyes of his wife are less chaste and pure than they were before she had become his in the sight of God and man.

Here is a point of vital importance, and one upon which such grave issues hang, that we place it in the very first rank our present observations.

Save in one instance alone, the conduct and consideration evinced towards the maiden must be mainly observed towards the wife; for through this manifestation of respect and delicacy, the freshness and novelty of courtship may be continued for an indefinite period.

Let the wife be preserved by the husband a beautiful mystery in part—let the natural veil of modesty which shrouds every pure woman be never ruthlessly torn apart, or her sense of propriety be blunted by coarse or indelicate remarks, and the charm of her being will never pall upon the sense, but, on the contrary be, as Shelley has it “A joy forever”.

tumblr_inline_mi33458irI1qz4rgpUh, OK. Right. Clear as a bell.

Eye roll.

Obviously — spit.

Click on Tina Fey’s pic for the gif animation if it doesn’t activate automatically. I’m tech-challenged.

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33 thoughts on “Spit or Swallow?

  1. Spit of course…watermelon seed that is :). I’m laughing as I love your posts and you just never know what you will come up with but it’s always good. As far as that article about marriage it’s clear as mud!

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  2. Spit of course! I’ll never forget how my dad told me when I was 7 that if I swallowed a watermelon would grow in my belly!

    Loved the “gobblydegook” … to me that was a very long way of saying treat your wife with resect! Gotta love it.

    Like

  3. I’ll bet this will become your most read post here at “Confessions…” Last summer I wrote a post called “Sex and the Single Kayak” – which had nothing really to do with sex – but people find their way to my blog all the time through that post 🙂

    Like

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