rock paper scissors. I thought we were soul mates but I guess we aren’t.

By quickmeme.come

By quickmeme.com

This isn’t the way the game is supposed to be played.

In the past two days, I’ve fallen on rocks (and gravel) and gave myself a nasty paper cut (opening the mail this morning).

I’m staying away from all forms of scissors just in case.

It seems prudent, don’t you agree?


IRL convo with faraway tugboat man

Me: “You failed me.”

Him: “Hmm? What? How?”

Me: “Because you didn’t immediately psychically sense that I was injured and call to see if I was OK.”

Him: “What did you do THIS time?”

(He’s referring to my broken wrist, falling off the kitchen counter, broken ankle, OTHER broken ankle, and an assortment of other bloody injuries sustained on a regular basis.)

Me: “I was walking around the lagoon, the long way, (about a four-mile round trip) and you know where there’s no sidewalk on that one side, and only rocks and gravel?”

“Well, I was walking pretty fast, must have hit an unstable rock, and before I could catch myself, I fell HARD.”

Him: “Do you need to fill out a currents report?” (Insider mariner intel about what goes on with an accident on a tug.)

I refrained from chuckling at his lame joke, and listed my fresh injuries:

1. Sprained wrist and knee. (Same wrist broken a couple years ago.)
2. Bloody wrist, both knees, hand.
3. Torn skin and major six-inch gash/wound underside of left arm. Dripping blood, Very painful.

Him: “You poor dear! How did you get home? Why didn’t you call me immediately? Do you need stitches?”

Me: “First of all, I walked home, holding a tissue to stop the blood, but that’s not the point.”

“I didn’t call you, because I was telepathically sending you messages to call ME, and I waited here for two hours hoping you’d do the right thing, and you didn’t.”

“I guess we’re not as in sync with each other as I thought. You are not my soul mate any more, I’m sad to say.”

Him: “Oh, honey. I’m sorry I failed you.”

Me:  *sniff* “It’s OK, but next time, try to do better.”

Him: ” All right. I will try. Now go have a glass of wine.”

THIS is how you do it, men. Sympathy and wine. That’s all we need.

Advertisements

23 thoughts on “rock paper scissors. I thought we were soul mates but I guess we aren’t.

  1. I would have looked at my fiancée (she will be my wife as of Friday) and told her that I could fix her arm with a pint of Scotch and some super glue. She would yell at me, and I would take her to the ER. It’s our thing.

    I really could fix her arm with Scotch and super glue though. Or maybe Scotch, a needle and some fishing line.

    Liked by 1 person

Now it's your turn to share your pearls with me. Cheers!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s