This isn’t an especially sparkly or edible post, no mention of retail therapy — I thought of this as we were driving home from the gym and running errands.
We’ve had pretty much the same exact conversation fourteen billion times over the last twenty-plus years and now we’re gearing up for a long drive up the coast to San Jose for BlogHer 2014, which means we’ll be spending several hours in the car…here is a condensed version of what a lot of our “car” time sounds like.
(Don’t you think it’d be funny to record it and not have to say a thing for the first twenty miles?)
Tugboat man: “Buckle up.”
Me: “Did you bring water?”
Tugboat man: “No, I thought you were going to get it.”
Me: Did you turn the alarm on?
Tugboat man: “No, I thought you were going to do it.”
Me: “I’m cold. Turn the AC up, OK?”
Me: “But don’t open the window. It’s blowing my hair.”
Tugboat man: “Did you see that guy race through the stop sign?”
Me: “It’s only a suggestion, remember?”
Me: “Look at the car next to us. She’s texting. The light’s green and she doesn’t have a clue.”
Me: (In Trader Joe’s) “Don’t talk to me while I’m thinking. ‘Cos you distract me, and I might forget something that I forgot to put on the list that I forgot and left in the car.”
Me: Can’t you walk faster? You are SO slow!”
Me: “What do you want for dinner?”
Tugboat man: “I don’t know, it’s only 9:00 a.m. How about if you ask me after lunch?”
Me: “You just missed the BEST parking spot.”
Tugboat man: Laughing…”Do you have any idea how annoying you can be?
Me: “It’s not as if this is breaking news. I’m the exact same person I’ve always been.”
Tugboat man: “Yes, and you’ve always been annoying.”
Me: “But you love it, don’t lie.”
Tugboat man: “Well, you got me there. But for the love of all that is holy, can you dial it down just a notch or two? Give a guy a break once in while, OK?”
Me: “Well, since you’ve asked so nicely…all right.”
I AM annoying. It’s one of the words that describes me perfectly.
But don’t worry, I’m not ALWAYS annoying, and I am a good traveling companion!