ME ME ME ME ME…MY FAVORITE SUBJECT

selfieleaning

Old school camera snap selfie!

A Self Indulgent “Happy Anniversary to ME!”

About two years ago, I started Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife for one reason — because my DIL told me I was kinda funny and I should start a blog.

So I did.

My son went through the process of setting up my WordPress account; I had no excuse — I had to start writing, right?

So…in my own chaotic way, I’ve forged a meandering path around the infobahn sprinkling sparkly snarky thoughts and convo and opinion as I tap tap tap on my MacAir about a myriad of subjects: never growing up, my obsessive love for Chanel, traveling, hiking, shopping, being married to a tugboat captain, my OCD love of cleaning, organizing, and collecting; cooking and baking veg-style —  oh, and seashells of course!

Did you know that I’m a midlife empty nester? I don’t like to label myself, because it seems so limiting and I am without limits, but those do apply. HowEVER, I don’t ACT like I’m old and decrepit; I resist the stereotypes.

I’m *cough* sixty going on thirteen. For realisies.

Blogging helped me reveal my own unique voice as a writer — now I have one  — or two  – or three personas, depending on the day of the week and which way the wind blows…

Sometimes I’m totes breezy and totes adorbs and srsly snark-tastic. Sometimes I’m full of  self deprecating humor, and sometimes I’m SERIOUSLY a mom (really the only job I’ve ever wanted), TTTT or I’m SERIOUSLY an animal defender. These voices ALL comprise the real ME — ahem, I mean Princess Rosebud.

And nobody puts Princess Rosebud in a corner.

I am a diamond of many facets.

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As of today’s date, Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife has reached 100,742 views with a staggering 10,756 comments.
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THANK YOU!
I’m super happy to have befriended, interacted, discussed, and shared points of view and life lessons with all of you across the universe.

I’m looking forward to meeting many of you in a few weeks at BlogHer 2014 in San Jose.

In the spirit of celebrating ME —  I’d like to invite you to join me on my other avenues of social media (unless you already do, of course)

Twitter  https://twitter.com/EnchantedCshel
Facebook  Princess Rosebud.

https://www.facebook.com/PrincessRosebudEnchantedSeashells

Facebook  Enchanted Seashells, Confessions of a Tugboat Captain’s Wife.        https://www.facebook.com/EnchantedSeashells
Pinterest  http://www.pinterest.com/enchantedcshels/
G+ https://plus.google.com/u/3/
RSS Feed: http://en.enchantedseashells.wordpress.com/feed/

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“Them Beeyotches Be Cray”

“Them beeyotches be cray.”

That’s what Jeana Keough‘s daughter, Kara, said about Bravo’s Real Housewives of Orange County during the grueling two-hour test of RHOOC endurance celebrating their 100th episode.

Some of the original beeyotches

Some of the original beeyotches and their breasts.

I’ve been watching RHOOC since the beginning. I really hate myself sometimes for how much I love this real/fake/scripted show. Almost as much as I loved The Hills and Gossip Girl. (Yup, my real age is about thirteen. I admit it.) My tugboat man REEAALLLY hates it; in fact, it’s a deal breaker with us when he’s home. He REFUSES to be in the same room when it’s on — so I watch it when he’s out to sea or when he’s surfing.

I’ve seen all the different franchises; New York, Miami, Beverly Hills, New Jersey — I was totes obeshed with the original New York —  crazy Kelly and Bethany with her “satchels of gold”, but then I lost interest ‘cos it seemed like they were trying too hard for the camera and lost focus. Gia Guidice

At any rate, they lost me as a viewer. New Jersey kind of disgusts me; mostly I feel bad for all the children. My overall impression of NJ is that they all seem to be involved in some sort of criminal activity.

I don’t feel a connection to any of the cities except for OC, maybe ‘cos it’s just up the road from Casa de Enchanted Seashells.

I feel like SUCH the dirty voyeur peeking through the drapes when I watch the  drama and bad behavior. Even tho I know most of it’s not real, I’m drawn into it anyway.  When I see a row of Chanels in every color of the rainbow, I am so jel, I drool. Really. The pink Chanel. Drool.

heather-dubrow-picYa know how sometimes you meet someone and totes have the hate on for them immediately? That’s how I feel about Heather Dubrow, one of the newer cast members. OMG, I just Googled her name and it’s like Google can read minds with their predictive text. How did they know that I was thinking Heather Dubrow crazy eyes? Her eyes ARE weird; they look fully dilated ALL the time, very strange, very off-putting. Don’t get me wrong, I can throw down with the best of any mouthy Jewish girl, but she seems so mean spirited and supercilious — and she ain’t all that. I think she’d contrive to be a bit more humble – her weirdly Joker-like pointy scary face isn’t the best advertisement for her plastic surgeon hubs, if ya know what I mean. SUH-NAP…

I found these comments about her on Google, so it’s obvs I’m not alone in my opinion:

“Heather Dubrow has black zombie eyes with a face stretched like the Joker. Horrible underbite too. All that money, nosejobs, botox, etc etc and they can’t undo some genetics like her junkyard dog neanderthal underbite…”

“I think she is a plasticized, botoxed, wide-eyed frozen face horror movie doll.  This crazy needs to keep her big mouth shut.”

“She comes across as very overbearing and manic. She doesn’t look like she ever relaxes or is mellow. Almost as if she were on amphetamines. I don’t like her personality. It’s like she’s always studying others and her mind is never at ease. You get the feeling she’s never kind and gentle and has a Type A personality.”Jesus jugs

You know who I have sympathy for? Jesus Jugs, aka Alexis Bellino. I agree with her that the other beeyotches pick on her — I don’t know why she continues to allow the bullying, but everyone has their price, I guess.

I know what my price is; as much as I would love to be on a show called The Real Housewives of SoCal Tugboat Captains, I have a feeling it would be non-negotiable with Mister-Don’t-You-Ever-Tell-Anybody-My-Name-or-Post-a-Pic and that’s just for this blog. I can only imagine his response to being attached to a microphone and filmed.

Not. Gonna. Happen.

Lots of divorces are the intentional or unintentional fallout for exposing your life and secrets on a reality show. I’m not sure I’d want to sacrifice mine — but you never know…the lure of those Chanels is a powerful game changer. I could film it while my tugboat man is out to sea and he’d never know, right?

Do you watch any of the Real Housewife shows? Which one(s) resonate with you?(Just another way of asking which one is YOUR dirty little pleasure?)

My First Three-Way: Menage a Trois With Three Women…and Video

menage-a-trois-smallOh c’mon, did you really and truly think that Princess Rosebud finally got sick and tired of her tugboat man being out to sea for such a long time that she decided to –ahem –experiment with an alternate sexual lifestyle to pass the time?

A little of “when the cat’s away, the mouse will play” scenario?

So sorry to disappoint you –but I was just pulling a little word bait and switch with you — if you clicked on the title expecting to read a salacious account of steamy lesbian kisses, you’re in for a major disappointment.

hellokittyonphoneThe three-way I was referring to was my very first Google + Hangout with TheFurFiles and blondmondays.

VIDEO CHAT. 

To clarify, that meant that the three of us — THREE GIRLS –
were chatting and looking at each other, like Skype — more like a video conference call. It was totes cool and a fun way for all of us to connect from all over the world. I’m in SoCal, TheFurFiles is in Ottawa, and blondmondays is in Idaho, although to be very honest, I wasn’t sure where Idaho was…’til I looked on the map. I’ve never really known anyone who hailed from Idaho. Until now, that is.

map

Again, apologies to those of you who thought you were getting some erotica…maybe next time!

Lists. Google. Is it kismet?

I’m trying to figure out how to make sense of Google’s Hot Searches in the United States. What’s the big picture here? What does it all mean? What am I not learning? Why are we here? Here, as opposed to there.  Google has its finger on the pulse of the universe, but I’m just not getting it. Tell me what YOU think. All this randomness is taxing my brain.

Lindsay Lohan, 100,000+ searches. Can’t we all agree that we’re glad she’s not our daughter and move on? THIS GIRL NEEDS HELP. Haven’t we watched too many young people die too soon? There is no good end to this one. In my opinion–not that you asked for it–we should put all the same energy we’re obviously devoting to laughing (or crying) at LiLo into paying down our credit card debt with Rolling Jubilee.  Seriously, let’s help each other climb out of this financial quicksand.

Thursday Night Football, 100,000+ searches. Whatever.

Palestine, 50,000+ searches. OK, I guess there’s half the interest in global affairs as there is in whether Lindsay Lohan and her bloated, distorted face goes to jail again.

Powerball Winner, 1,000,000+ searches. We all wanted to know who it was and direct hate his way because our dreams were smashed into one million little pieces.

Zig Ziglar, 100,000+ searches. He was a motivational speaker. I guess on the day he died, his “alarm clock” didn’t ring. Google it, people.

I’m not interested in people who Google “lunar eclipse” so I’m gonna skip that one and move on to Jessica Simpson with 100,000+ searches. Is she pregnant again? Even I Googled that. I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to see those pix of her at the airport with her fiancé (get married already, would ya? What are you waiting for?) Is that loose shirt hiding a baby bump? What has become of me that I’ve stooped so far below my intellectual potential that I searched the series of photos to see if I could detect a baby bump. I really did.

I don’t know what it all means about the future of our country, but I’d hazard a guess that it means I have way too much free time on my hands.  Raise your hand if you know who Honey Boo Boo is. If you do, you’re worse off than I am.

P.S. And that’s the way to incorporate all of the top SEO words in one blog. Thank you, thank you very much.