Heart/wrecked

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Like a ship that runs aground because of low tide or unseen rocks or fog or navigational errors, our beautiful heart can be damaged when blood flow is restricted or when it flows unregulated.

Heart/wrecked.

I grew up hearing the term, “Stress kills.”

I was never quite sure what that meant, but then I did when it happened to me.

Uniquely & Brilliantly Adorned: Can Your Job Kill You?
http://www.uniquelyandbrilliantlyadorned.com

After a seemingly nonstop barrage of a personal stressful situation–like a ship hitting the rocks over and over again–it all finally took an undeniable toll on my physical health.

One of my favorite places to live is in the state of Denial, but I’ve been forced to temporarily move to a new town called Reality. Hopefully, I’ll just visit there for a bit until I can come home again.

After experiencing some intermittent and strangely terrifying heart pains, I went to the doc who took my blood pressure and was concerned about the results. It was super high. I had always had enviably LOW blood pressure since I exercise regularly, am vegan and never smoked, so this raised concerns.

Over the course of a couple weeks, my BP was checked daily and it stayed consistently high; dangerously high, which only made me more anxious and more stressed, and at one of the office visits, I started hyperventilating and had a panic attack. (Super embarrassing for the doc and absolutely mortifying for me.)

This led to an order for an Echocardiogram along with all the other heart-focused tests. The echo was done at a local hospital–a definite trigger. No one wants to go to a hospital at any time, but especially during Covid. It seemed like I was being admitted, with a wrist band and lots of little stickers, and I was devastated.

I almost bolted out of the front door at that point, but I persevered. I can share with you that it’s a scary time when you have to figure out why you don’t feel great. I’ve been a medical advocate for several loved ones, but it’s radically more difficult when you have to care for yourself. Poor me.

The technician was amazing, especially considering I tormented her with a million questions. I know enough about medical stuff to see that she was concentrating on a certain area of my heart. I really appreciated her patience with me and her detailed explanations during the hour-long ordeal.

The results showed a dilated aortic root valve and regurgitation of the mitral valve.

Risk Adjustment Coding Academy- Coding Focus

What this means is that the accumulation of stress and panic attacks and PTSD that I’ve endured during the last four years manifested medically and physically and caused structural damage to my heart.

Mitral valve regurgitation - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

“Severe physical or emotional stress increases blood pressure to the point where the tensile limit of the aortic tissue is overwhelmed, causing the rupture.”

“Over time, certain conditions, such as high blood pressure, can cause your heart to work harder, gradually enlarging your heart’s left ventricle.”

“Mitral valve regurgitation can cause complications such as atrial fibrillation, in which the atria of the heart don’t contract well. This leads to increased risk of stroke. Also, elevated blood pressure in the lungs (pulmonary artery hypertension).”

Hypertension makes the blood push harder against the valve and causes it to dilate, enlarge, and that’s pretty much the same scenario for the mitral valve, which seems to be the cause of the intermittent chest pain.

I’ll need to be monitored regularly because if I can’t control the stress/blood pressure and the valves stretch to a dangerous size, the only solution is surgical intervention–or death.

Reducing stress and hypertension can possibly keep the valves from enlarging any further, but the damage is done–nothing will make them reduce in size back to normal, except surgery.

Let me tell you that it’s true. Stress kills.

Now I’m off to change course, take some magnesium, eat more beets, meditate, calm down and regulate my breathing so that I don’t have a stroke or an aneurysm.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Heart/wrecked.

Shipwrecked.

Disturbing Dreamland

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After not being able to recall my dreams for a while, this one was so unsettling, I can remember most of the details. I don’t know what part of my brain decided to spew these strange thoughts…

The first image is of me in a hotel room with two cats. One was all black and the other was more fluffy and furry like a Maine Coon. There was a balcony with a sliding glass door which I kept closed and locked. I can’t explain why I was traveling and had made the poor decision to bring the cats with me which is NOT something I’d do in real life. The cats were chipped but weren’t wearing collars or ID tags, also something I’d never do. My kitties always had stylish collars.

Maybe it’s the right time to explain that I don’t have any cats at the present time which makes this an even more bizarre dream scenario.

I felt extremely worried about them getting out of the room and getting lost. I have a distinct memory of feeling a lot of anxiety.

I don’t even like hotels because I think they’re inherently unsanitary and the impermanence of temporary lodging where hoards of strangers have been is unsettling. I love my homespace. (There’s really no place like home.)

I’d much rather camp or even sleep in a car than stay in a hotel, even a five-star one.

Funnily enough, even my dreamstate knew that!

After one night, I checked out of the hotel, carrying both of the cats in my arms, along with pulling my suitcase. I don’t know why I didn’t have cat carriers because that would have obviously made it all so much easier, right? I remember being so afraid that I’d drop one of them and they’d run off. The fear was palpable.

The next part of the dream took place at a camp site which I believe was in Yosemite. Someone had kindly set up a red tent along with a litter box. However, I was quite distraught, consumed with keeping the cats safely IN the tent so they wouldn’t run away. The thought of them lost in the woods was intensely disturbing.

In a state of wake/asleep, I thought to myself, who brings cats to places that they aren’t familiar with? The cats wanted to escape, pawing at the the tent stakes, and I was becoming overwhelmed.

I wasn’t having any fun, that’s for sure.

I don’t know what happened after that. There was no resolution to my dilemma because I woke up.

My entire morning was tainted with agitation, apprehension, and dread — not a calm and peaceful way to start the day, so I decided to research what that kind of dream might mean.

Now that I think about it, the fact that I made myself wake up BEFORE the kitties got out of the tent was the best possible outcome, because I couldn’t forgive myself (awake or asleep) if they got lost and I failed to protect them.

Here’s a few thoughts:

Two Cats: In dreams, pairs often represent duality or a decision you are currently weighing. Cats typically symbolize independence, intuition, or personal freedom.

Hotels represent temporary situations, transience, or being “away from home.” It suggests your subconscious is trying to process a situation that feels foreign, unstable, or out of your usual routine.

Feeling Overwhelmed: Too many cats in a contained space points to sensory overload. You may be juggling too many responsibilities or dealing with conflicting demands from others.

Campsite: Dreaming of multiple cats getting lost at a campsite typically reflects underlying anxieties about a loss of control or feelings of vulnerability. Because campsites represent unstructured environments and cats symbolize independence and intuition, this dream points to wandering emotions that are difficult to corral.

Getting Lost: Losing a pet in a dream often mirrors waking-life fears of abandonment, a lack of trust, or a feeling that you have lost control over certain aspects of your ilife.

All I know is that I hope I don’t have that dream again, and because I can’t seem to help myself, this dream made me think about Leon Russell’s song, Out In The Woods, about being lost in actual woods as well as the feeling of being lost in life.

When Leon wanted to learn the Zulu translation for being “lost in the woods”, he was told that there isn’t one because the Zulu don’t get lost in the woods. 

At about the seven-minute mark , Leon explains the story behind the the chorus: “Doda koo panga-ma, doda koo kala, Doda koo panga-oo, kala shatini.”
https://youtu.be/b7IYrFkYyJA?si=gY44_a3kn_11ls2d

Tragedy At The Islamic Center of San Diego

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As much as I try to never take off my rose-colored glasses that block out bad/sad news, sometimes it’s not possible and reality sneaks in, like what happened yesterday in San Diego where two teenagers are suspected of shooting up the San Diego Islamic Center, killing three before taking their own lives.

Law enforcement reported that several hours before the attack, one of the boys’ mothers told them he was suicidal, had taken multiple guns, and her car was missing. This set off a frantic search to find them using license plate reader technology.

The two teenagers, Cain Clark (17) and Caleb Vazquez (18), attacked the Islamic Center of San Diego. They killed three men—including a heroic security guard (father of eight) who ushered others to safety—before being found dead a few blocks away in a car from apparent self-inflicted gunshot wounds

Cops say they were interviewing the mother and searching for the teens when the first shots rang out Monday at San Diego’s largest mosque.

According to local news reports, the teenagers met online and shared a “broad hatred” toward different religions and races, authorities said Tuesday during a press conference.
The teen suspect whose mom called police was reportedly enrolled in a virtual learning program within the San Diego Unified School District … he did not participate in any on-campus activities this school year but was on track to graduate at the end of this semester.

Three men were killed in the attack, including a security guard, father of eight children, whom officials credited with preventing a more deadly massacre at the mosque.

The suspected shooters — including the woman’s son — were found dead in a car nearby, the police said.

Hate speech was scrawled on one of the weapons, law enforcement officials told CNN. It was reported that a suicide note containing writings about racial pride was also found.

On Monday, at a news conference only hours after the shooting in San Diego, Taha Hassane, an imam at the Islamic Center, spoke of his shock and grief:

“It is extremely outrageous to target a place of worship,” he said. “People come to the Islamic center to pray, to celebrate, to learn, not only Muslims, but we have people from all walks of life.”

According to Mark Remily, the special agent in charge of the FBI’s San Diego Field Office, “So far in this investigation, we’ve seized over thirty guns and a crossbow. We’re continuing to process the information from all the locations, and we will provide more information when we’re able to do so.”

From Amy Reichert’s Twitter: The San Diego Police Department Northern Division is where the Islamic Center shooting happened and they were seven officers understaffed today for morning watch. The mother of one of the shooters called PD at 9am to report her son stole her car and the father’s guns and left a note about “shooting up a place.” The CALL HELD for 2 HOURS before an officer went to handle it. The active shooter came out while the unit was speaking with the mom. This whole thing could have been stopped if we had adequate staffing. The City of San Diego has failed us by supporting Defund the Police and not having a balanced budget.

There are so many unanswered questions…

Are you wondering, like I am, why the mom had “multiple” guns at her home? And like me, are you wondering how two families didn’t know what kind of hate rhetoric their children were involved in? Is this the family norm? How did all of this happen without parental knowledge, IF it happened without their knowledge?

So many questions, so much sadness…

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of violence and racism and hatred. We need to be the light that shines into the darkness.

If you’d like to support the victims, here’s a link to the victim-family fund:
https://goodbricks.org/campaign/icsd.org/official-icsd-victim—family-support-fund

Learn And Love

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You will learn by reading,
But you will understand with LOVE.
— Shams Tabrizi

Image from Pinterest

It’s Always “Time For Love” AND All Roads Still Lead to Leon Russell

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Crazy random connection time…I read something on Facebook about Oak Park High School where I briefly attended before moving to California.

The post shared information about a former classmate who became a famous singer/songwriter; Marcy Levy/Marcella Detroit.

Because I’m obsessed and have a one-track-mind, I messaged her and asked if she had ever known Leon Russell because I knew he spent a lot of time in Detroit around the early ’70s.

Her response blew me away! Not only did she know Leon, she toured with him before going on tour with Eric Clapton and co-wrote some of his songs, including my favorite, “Lay Down Sally.”

ERIC CLAPTON, OMG.

I’m not at all embarrassed to tell you that I asked her if Leon’s eyes were as amazing as everyone has reported, and her exact quote was, “Oh yes his eyes were incredible.” I have so many more questions. So many. I can be SO annoying.

As a teenager, Marcy had posters of Russell on her walls. She later achieved her goal of singing with him, joining his touring band as a featured female vocalist for the Stop All That Jazz album (which also featured The Gap Band).

Leon Russell wrote the song “Time for Love” for her. The two developed a personal and professional connection in the early 1970s, during which time they dated for approximately nine months. 

Detroit has reflected on their relationship in interviews, noting that Russell was a childhood idol. She viewed him as an incredibly gifted songwriter, musician, and arranger. She specifically recalled him creating an amazing live arrangement of “Unchained Melody” for her to sing on tour.

We’re fortunate to see Marcy as a background singer with Ann Bell on the Midnight Special with Leon, too. It’s an amazing video:

One more brick in the path that leads to Leon. One more step.

Another Happy Solar Return!

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Something to think about on the day of my birth, in addition to yummy cake and prezzies!

Listen up
Then just pipe down
Speak up
but don’t speak too loud

Don’t be dull
but don’t be wild
Be fun
but don’t act a child

Age gracefully
but don’t look old
Know your mind
but do as you’re told

Embrace your curves
but don’t get fat
Love yourself
but not like that

Know your worth
but not too much
Else they might feel
inadequate

Wear make-up,
look natural though
Stand your ground
but don’t say no

Choose the right path
but for who?
Right for them
or right for you?

Right for who
they’d rather see
Or right for
who you’d rather be?

Listen up
I’ll tell you this
This life of yours
is yours to live

Becky Hemsley 2023
Excerpted from: What the Wild Replied

Ancestral Acting: Josephine Victor

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When I told my mom I wanted to become a famous actress, she said it was in my blood and shared a story about my grand-aunt, Josephine Victor, who WAS a well known performer, often in productions at the Belasco Theatre on Broadway.

Josephine Victor

Josephine Victor (born Josephina Gunczler/Ginzler; June 28, 1885 – 1963) was a Hungarian-born American stage actress and director active on Broadway from 1905 to 1939.

Her father was a Hungarian vintner. The Ginzler family originated from the Tokay wine region, where viticulture played a central role in local economy and culture during the late 19th century.

Josephine had several siblings, including a half-brother, my grandfather, Rabbi Arthur Ginzler.

Known for her versatile performances in dramatic roles, Victor appeared in many Broadway productions, frequently as part of original casts in plays by prominent playwrights such as John Galsworthy and Elmer Rice.

Her career highlights include leading roles like Zabette de Chauvalons in Martinique (1920), for which she received praise for delivering a powerful and tender performance in the play’s pivotal second-act scene, and Chloe in Galsworthy’s The Skin Game (1920).

Later, she transitioned into directing, helming the Broadway production of Doctor X in 1931, and continued acting in sophisticated dramas such as Judgment Day (1934) as Lydia Kuman and Wise Tomorrow (1937) as Diana Ebury.

She also ventured into vaudeville, debuting at New York City’s Palace Theatre in 1921 in the one-act play Juliet and Romeo by Harry Wagstaff Gribble, where she co-headlined alongside Adele Rowland.

Victor’s personal life intersected with the theater world through her marriage to Francis E. Reid, a theatrical publicist and drama critic.

Victor’s combined directing and playwriting output, though limited in major productions, bridged her acting with creative authorship, fostering narratives that amplified immigrant voices and familial tensions in early 20th-century drama. Her works contributed to the era’s exploration of social undercurrents, paving subtle paths for women in theatre leadership during a male-dominated field

Widowed after Reid’s death in 1933, Victor’s contributions to American theater spanned acting and directing, cementing her legacy as a multifaceted figure in the era’s stage scene.

In her post-retirement years, Victor maintained a low public profile.

It’s interesting to observe that one sibling became a rabbi and another became an actress, as they are very different and also very similar careers, if you stop and think about it. Performing is performing, whether it’s for an audience or a congregation.

She died in 1963, and I’m not sure that my mom ever met her, but wish I had so I could have asked her when she got the acting bug and maybe I could have picked up a few helpful acting tips from her, as I didn’t really win many auditions or perform regularly, so I gave up that dream…

What Is a Mom?

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I’ve always thought that being a mom is a neverending labor of love.

After Angel Boy 2.0 was born, DIL coined the phrase, “Live to serve, serve to live”, and that became doubly true when Angel Girl 2.0 entered this world.

I think it’s sad that some mothers weren’t born with the unconditional love gene, and I wonder what their reasons were for even having children, because once you’re a mom, life ceases to be centered around SELF, and will instead be forever all about one’s children.

With all the rampant narcissism in this world, I grieve for the children who don’t experience heartgiving love.

But…Mother’s Day is all about ME, and I choose to extol my mommy-ness by agreeing with the original Angel Boy who claims the day for himself because, if not for HIM, I would have no reason to celebrate, and he’s right!

No matter how old he is, he’ll always be my very own angel boy.

And but for the original Charlotte, I wouldn’t be here, either, so Happy Mother’s Day to my very own always-missed-but-forever mom!

This is the perfect day to raise awareness about ALL mothers of all species.

We have the power to help mothers confined and abused on factory farms by adopting a kind and compassionate plant-based lifestyle. 

Did you know that the first few minutes after birth can mark the beginning of a lifelong bond between a mother cow and her calf? Cows carry their young for nine months and they nurse them for nine to twelve months, much like human mothers. Their babies don’t deserve to be stolen from their moms so humans can consume the milk that wasn’t ever meant for us.

Chicks bond so closely with their mothers that scientists call it “imprinting.” Mother hens take their chicks under their wings, providing protection and shelter, and chicks spend their first few weeks learning to scratch for food by watching the techniques of their mothers.

Pork producers confine mother sows in crates so small they can’t move without scraping against the rails.

Oh, and wolves are wonderful, caring, loving moms, too.

To paraphrase Maya Angelou, When we know better, we need to do better.

Go VEGAN.

Bob Dylan + Leon Russell = Magic Music

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Enjoy all of these songs on this beautiful Friday before Mother’s Day.

Did you know about Dylan and Leon?

Leon Russell considered Bob Dylan to be one of the greatest songwriters of all time. He enjoyed playing on covers of his songs by other artists, and even produced Dylan Jazz, an album of jazz versions of Dylan songs for GNP Records in 1965.

Their friendship lasted decades. Leon Russell joined Bob Dylan for a series of U.S. dates during Dylan’s Never Ending Tour in the summer of 2011.

In March 1971 Leon was the producer as he and his group, The Tulsa Tops, worked with Dylan at Blue Rock Studios in New York. When I Paint My Masterpiece and Watching The River Flow were recorded live with no overdubs with Dylan on vocal as Leon played an acoustic grand piano, Jesse Ed Davis was on electric guitar, Carl Radle played electric bass with Jim Keltner on drums.

I prefer Leon Russell’s version (below) as I always do, but you can definitely hear Leon’s magical contribution here:

I discovered Steve Liddycoat isolated Leon’s piano umami here and it’s awesome:

When I Paint My Masterpiece studio outtake:

On the Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour, Leon and Joe Cocker sang a beautiful duet of Girl From The North Country to serenade Dylan who was in the audience. Listen to what Leon had to say about Dylan….

Bob Dylan is coming to my area in June. I’m sure all tickets are sold out, but I’d love to see him if anyone has a spare????

Lastly, Leon’s version of Dylan’s Masters of War is especially poignant today; as fresh as when Dylan originally recorded it in 1963.

Featured image found on Pinterest; credit to owner.

Act of Kindness

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“Your acts of kindness are iridescent wings of divine love, which linger and continue to uplift others long after your sharing.” Rumi

Here’s my act of kindness…with literal iridescent wings…

As I was on my hands and knees cleaning out winter’s leaves from my little pond/waterfall in the garden, prepping for no more rain so I could fill it again, I heard a strange fluttering sound.

I looked up, and right above my head, I saw a Mourning Cloak butterfly held captive in a spider’s web, desperately trying to break free.

I immediately sprung to my feet (well, not SO immediately because I’m still careful not to further injure my torn meniscus that I’m stubbornly refusing to surgically repair) and freed the butterfly from certain death.

S/he fell to the ground because a very tiny bit of sticky web was holding freedom hostage and s/he couldn’t open her wings and fly away.

I sat next to her and very gently pulled off the remains of the spider web, hoping I hadn’t damaged anything, and the butterfly took off like a rocket. I couldn’t believe how fast s/he was. I never saw it again.

Poor little thing was a bit battle weary and bedraggled, but seemed to be OK after the ordeal with the spider web.

Photo by Enchanted Seashells

Have you ever touched the wings of a moth or butterfly and gotten some “powder” on your fingers? If you look through a microscope, that powder is actually tiny scales.These scales give butterflies and moths their scientific name Lepidoptera (from the Greek Lepido = scale, and ptera = wing). Each scale can be a different color and when placed next to each other, the mosaic makes up the color patterns we see. Curated from essig.berkeley.edu/exhibits/butterflywings/

Interesting, huh?

While it’s best not to touch a butterfly’s wings because it might inhibit their ability to fly, there was really nothing else I could do to save him/her. https://essig.berkeley.edu/exhibits/butterflywings/

Here’s the spiritual meaning of a butterfly with its wings stuck together by a spider web: It holds a powerful, dualistic spiritual message, often representing a, tension between the need for transformation and the reality of entrapment or stagnation. It suggests that a, period of metamorphosis or personal growth is being hindered by fear, limiting beliefs, or external obstacles. That’s pretty intense, don’t you agree?

No matter what it means, it’s a good feeling to help a wld creature.

What Is Enlightenment

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“Enlightenment is when a wave realizes it is the ocean.”

Photo by Enchanted Seasells

It’s always a good idea to start out a new week with a positive message from Thich Nhat Hanh, even if I’m not 100% sure I know what it means.

I’ll have to cogitate on it because the nuance is a bit elusive right now, like I think I get it, but it’s just out of reach, which is annoying.