Heart/wrecked

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Like a ship that runs aground because of low tide or unseen rocks or fog or navigational errors, our beautiful heart can be damaged when blood flow is restricted or when it flows unregulated.

Heart/wrecked.

I grew up hearing the term, “Stress kills.”

I was never quite sure what that meant, but then I did when it happened to me.

After a seemingly nonstop barrage of a personal stressful situation–like a ship hitting the rocks over and over again–it all finally took an undeniable toll on my physical health.

One of my favorite places to live is in the state of Denial, but I’ve been forced to temporarily move to a new town called Reality. Hopefully, I’ll just visit there for a bit until I can come home again.

After experiencing some intermittent and strangely terrifying heart pains, I went to the doc who took my blood pressure and was concerned about the results. It was super high. I had always had enviably LOW blood pressure since I exercise regularly, am vegan and never smoked, so this raised concerns.

Over the course of a couple weeks, my BP was checked daily and it stayed consistently high; dangerously high, which only made me more anxious and more stressed, and at one of the office visits, I started hyperventilating and had a panic attack. (Super embarrassing for the doc and absolutely mortifying for me.)

This led to an order for an Echocardiogram along with all the other heart-focused tests. The echo was done at a local hospital–a definite trigger. No one wants to go to a hospital at any time, but especially during Covid. It seemed like I was being admitted, with a wrist band and lots of little stickers, and I was devastated.

I almost bolted out of the front door at that point, but I persevered. I can share with you that it’s a scary time when you have to figure out why you don’t feel great. I’ve been a medical advocate for several loved ones, but it’s radically more difficult when you have to care for yourself. Poor me.

The technician was amazing, especially considering I tormented her with a million questions. I know enough about medical stuff to see that she was concentrating on a certain area of my heart. I really appreciated her patience with me and her detailed explanations during the hour-long ordeal.

The results showed a dilated aortic root valve and regurgitation of the mitral valve.

Risk Adjustment Coding Academy- Coding Focus

What this means is that the accumulation of stress and panic attacks and PTSD that I’ve endured during the last four years manifested medically and physically and caused structural damage to my heart.

Mitral valve regurgitation - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

“Severe physical or emotional stress increases blood pressure to the point where the tensile limit of the aortic tissue is overwhelmed, causing the rupture.”

“Over time, certain conditions, such as high blood pressure, can cause your heart to work harder, gradually enlarging your heart’s left ventricle.”

“Mitral valve regurgitation can cause complications such as atrial fibrillation, in which the atria of the heart don’t contract well. This leads to increased risk of stroke. Also, elevated blood pressure in the lungs (pulmonary artery hypertension).”

Hypertension makes the blood push harder against the valve and causes it to dilate, enlarge, and that’s pretty much the same scenario for the mitral valve, which seems to be the cause of the intermittent chest pain.

I’ll need to be monitored regularly because if I can’t control the stress/blood pressure and the valves stretch to a dangerous size, the only solution is surgical intervention–or death.

Reducing stress and hypertension can possibly keep the valves from enlarging any further, but the damage is done–nothing will make them reduce in size back to normal, except surgery.

Let me tell you that it’s true. Stress kills.

Now I’m off to change course, take some magnesium, eat more beets, meditate, calm down and regulate my breathing so that I don’t have a stroke or an aneurysm.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Heart/wrecked.

Shipwrecked.

the butterfly

I love butterflies. I’ll stop whatever I’m doing to point and say, “Look at the butterfly!”

Gifts From Above

My crow cousins have been leaving gifts for me all around the garden and deck.

Shiny and sparkly!

So far I’ve discovered these four baubles. I always look up to see if I can catch the gift giver; so far I haven’t, but I say thank you out loud as I pocket my treasures.

Crows are known to give small gifts to people who pay attention to them or feed them. The phenomenon is actually called “gifting”. I don’t feed my local crow family as there is plenty to eat without my intervention, but I do talk to them and generally love their presence, so maybe they feel that emotion and return the affection. I’ve read that crows (and other corvids) remember the faces of those who are mean to them and those who are especially kind.

Some of my neighbors don’t appreciate our community of crows as much as I do, and I’m positive they aren’t receiving the same kinds of gifts like I am.

I’m full of gratitude to my bird family Thank you, cousins!

Check out another crow post:
https://enchantedseashells.com/2023/01/25/crows-crows-and-more-crows/

Nature and Nietzsche

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.” Friedrich Nietzsche

I like the sensual undulating ribbon dance of this little creek at the lagoon.

“All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.” Friedrich Nietzsche.

I can’t disagree with that!

“The essence of all beautiful art, all great art, is gratitude.” Friedrich Nietzsche ·

For me, nature IS art and I’m grateful for it, especially this lagoon, one of my happy places.

The Good Doctor 🩺

I know that’s the name of a TV show (I’ve never watched it), but I’m talking about a very good doctor I saw today, and that helps to balance the poor experience I had with the orthopedic surgeon last month.
https://enchantedseashells.com/2023/02/18/not-the-bees-knees-%f0%9f%90%9d/

A few years ago, I had a series of white flashes that warned of a retinal tear in my left eye–DANGER AHEAD!

Fortunately I caught it early, so it wasn’t yet detached and therefore able to be repaired by a laser. https://enchantedseashells.com/2022/03/16/i-see-you-eye-health-seriously/

In a roundabout way, that’s how I ended up meeting Vice President Al Gore. https://enchantedseashells.com/2015/11/04/i-met-vice-president-al-gore-at-the-apple-store/

Every year, I return to the retinal specialist for a comprehensive check of both eyes.

This was a completely different situation to the ortho; night and day.

Usually I see the female specialist but she wasn’t available, so I was warmly welcomed by one of the senior doctors in the practice.

We exchanged pleasantries and courteous chitchat while he readied the tools to see behind my eyes.

Continually gentle and respectful, with reassurances and explanations during the exam, including me in the process to let me know what, if anything, had changed since my last visit.

There was none of that disdain, no eye-rolling, no rush to get me in and out. He kindly explained the details of the exam procedure, answered my questions, and eased my worries about any deterioration or new tears or leaky vitreal fluid.

After the exam, which revealed that everything appeared healthy, he shook my hand and told me not to worry and he’d see me next year.

That’s the way to do it. Thank you, Doctor R! Peace of mind is priceless.

Boketto: Word of the Day

Boketto is one of those magnificent Japanese words that doesn’t seem to have an exact English translation. 

Boketto is the act of gazing out into the distance with no specific thoughts, to lose oneself in the vast, mindless, horizon. 

I do it a lot, and for me, it’s a sort of trance; a spaced out, zen-like calm and meditative state.

Couldn’t you lose yourself right here above the Salish Sea gazing at the cloud-shrouded Olympic Mountains?

Rainy Rocky Vibes

This is my one of my dry riverbeds. (The other one is in the front garden.)
I proudly carried each and every rock and placed them with loving intention.

It’s not so dry now! Yesterday’s relentless rain had other ideas.

Today is World Poetry Day | Anne Sexton

Every year, World Poetry Day is celebrated on March 21st with the aim of supporting linguistic diversity through poetic expression.

Here’s one of my favorites by Anne Sexton, elegantly illustrating our shadow side, at least that’s how I interpret her words.

Her Kind

I have gone out, a possessed witch,
haunting the black air, braver at night;
dreaming evil, I have done my hitch
over the plain houses, light by light:
lonely thing, twelve-fingered, out of mind.
A woman like that is not a woman, quite.
I have been her kind.

I have found the warm caves in the woods,
filled them with skillets, carvings, shelves,
closets, silks, innumerable goods;
fixed the suppers for the worms and the elves:
whining, rearranging the disaligned.
A woman like that is misunderstood.
I have been her kind.

I have ridden in your cart, driver,
waved my nude arms at villages going by,
learning the last bright routes, survivor
where your flames still bite my thigh
and my ribs crack where your wheels wind.
A woman like that is not ashamed to die.
I have been her kind.

Spring Garden Promises

Casa de Enchanted Seashells gardens are alive, blooming with color and fragrance.

In one week, since the last rain, most of the fruit trees are flowering and my florals are flourishing. It brings much joy to create a bouquet from the fruits of my own efforts, a labor of love.

This lavender is vibrant!

Peaches!

Plums!

More peaches!

Apples!

We’re expecting more rain this week. 2023 has been a crazy wet year in SoCal, but it’s just what we need to end the drought for a while. The only downside is horrible seasonal allergies, but that’s a small price to pay to live in paradise.

The Wild and Unloved Things 🕷️

May We Raise Children Who Love The Unloved Things
May we raise children
who love the unloved things – the dandelion, the
worms & spiderlings.
Children who sense
the rose needs the thorn
& run into rainswept days
the same way they turn towards sun…

And when they’re grown &
someone has to speak for those
who have no voice
may they draw upon that
wilder bond, those days of
tending tender things
and be the ones.–Nicolette Sowder

🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️🕷️

I LOVE the idea of nature-connected living and (grand)parenting!

“My passion and heart’s mission is to help families step back into the circle of wild things and bond with Mother Nature. When rooted in that relationship and ancient connection, we heal, we flow, we fly.” https://wilderchild.com

The Great Blue Herons of Ballard Locks

Every year, Great Blue Herons nest at Commodore Park near the Hiram Chittenden Locks in Ballard, a suburb of Seattle. They build their nests in the treetops and it’s a pretty cool experience to visit this site, especially for a bird enthusiast.

This is one of my favorite photos; looking for a fresh salmon dinner.

A word of advice is to avoid the benches under these trees as they’re covered in heron poop.

These pics weren’t meant to be black and white but was late in the day and the sun was almost gone. As you can imagine, heron nests are huge.