Heart/wrecked

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Like a ship that runs aground because of low tide or unseen rocks or fog or navigational errors, our beautiful heart can be damaged when blood flow is restricted or when it flows unregulated.

Heart/wrecked.

I grew up hearing the term, “Stress kills.”

I was never quite sure what that meant, but then I did when it happened to me.

After a seemingly nonstop barrage of a personal stressful situation–like a ship hitting the rocks over and over again–it all finally took an undeniable toll on my physical health.

One of my favorite places to live is in the state of Denial, but I’ve been forced to temporarily move to a new town called Reality. Hopefully, I’ll just visit there for a bit until I can come home again.

After experiencing some intermittent and strangely terrifying heart pains, I went to the doc who took my blood pressure and was concerned about the results. It was super high. I had always had enviably LOW blood pressure since I exercise regularly, am vegan and never smoked, so this raised concerns.

Over the course of a couple weeks, my BP was checked daily and it stayed consistently high; dangerously high, which only made me more anxious and more stressed, and at one of the office visits, I started hyperventilating and had a panic attack. (Super embarrassing for the doc and absolutely mortifying for me.)

This led to an order for an Echocardiogram along with all the other heart-focused tests. The echo was done at a local hospital–a definite trigger. No one wants to go to a hospital at any time, but especially during Covid. It seemed like I was being admitted, with a wrist band and lots of little stickers, and I was devastated.

I almost bolted out of the front door at that point, but I persevered. I can share with you that it’s a scary time when you have to figure out why you don’t feel great. I’ve been a medical advocate for several loved ones, but it’s radically more difficult when you have to care for yourself. Poor me.

The technician was amazing, especially considering I tormented her with a million questions. I know enough about medical stuff to see that she was concentrating on a certain area of my heart. I really appreciated her patience with me and her detailed explanations during the hour-long ordeal.

The results showed a dilated aortic root valve and regurgitation of the mitral valve.

Risk Adjustment Coding Academy- Coding Focus

What this means is that the accumulation of stress and panic attacks and PTSD that I’ve endured during the last four years manifested medically and physically and caused structural damage to my heart.

Mitral valve regurgitation - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

“Severe physical or emotional stress increases blood pressure to the point where the tensile limit of the aortic tissue is overwhelmed, causing the rupture.”

“Over time, certain conditions, such as high blood pressure, can cause your heart to work harder, gradually enlarging your heart’s left ventricle.”

“Mitral valve regurgitation can cause complications such as atrial fibrillation, in which the atria of the heart don’t contract well. This leads to increased risk of stroke. Also, elevated blood pressure in the lungs (pulmonary artery hypertension).”

Hypertension makes the blood push harder against the valve and causes it to dilate, enlarge, and that’s pretty much the same scenario for the mitral valve, which seems to be the cause of the intermittent chest pain.

I’ll need to be monitored regularly because if I can’t control the stress/blood pressure and the valves stretch to a dangerous size, the only solution is surgical intervention–or death.

Reducing stress and hypertension can possibly keep the valves from enlarging any further, but the damage is done–nothing will make them reduce in size back to normal, except surgery.

Let me tell you that it’s true. Stress kills.

Now I’m off to change course, take some magnesium, eat more beets, meditate, calm down and regulate my breathing so that I don’t have a stroke or an aneurysm.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Heart/wrecked.

Shipwrecked.

Dragonfly Razzle Dazzle

Photo by Enchanted Seashells

So…I got sick again, this time a really nasty upper respiratory virus with a high fever and a headache that made me want to chop off my head, that’s how bad it hurt. I wasn’t able to read or watch TV or do anything but lay in bed with an icepack on my forehead.

I hadn’t been sick in so long that I had forgotten how miserable it feels. As if shingles wasn’t bad enough, this was the icing on the cake of misery.

Now that I seem to be on the mend after some much-needed antibiotic help since I got a secondary bacterial lung infection, I’m looking at some drafts I started before I wasn’t able to function.

Right after I was almost completely healed from shingles, I took a walk and encountered a beautiful sight — dozens of dragonflies swirling around the front yard of a neighbor’s house.I took a photo but it didn’t capture the incredible vision of loveliness.

I think what I witnessed was a feeding swarm.

I’ve never seen more than one or two dragonflies at a time so I did some research. A group of dragonflies is most commonly called a swarm. Other, less common terms sometimes used include a flight, a cluster, or a dazzle. 

Dazzle is funny because it makes me think of jazz hands. “Jazz hands!” IYKYK

Dragonfly swarms generally fall into two categories:

  • Feeding swarms: Small groups that hover low to the ground to catch smaller flying insects in a specific area. To see a large group of dragonflies means you’ve stumbled upon a massive feeding or migratory swarm. Biologically, it indicates a high abundance of flying prey like mosquitoes, often triggered by humid weather, or a seasonal shift. Symbolically, it represents transformation, adaptability, and positive change. A bunch of dragonflies spiritually amplifies the core symbolism of a single dragonfly: transformation, adaptability, and emotional maturity. Because they gather in groups, a swarm or cluster often represents a major shift in your life, a blessing of prosperity, or the energetic Massive Transformation: Just as a dragonfly goes from living in water to flying in the air, a cluster of them indicates a period of profound personal metamorphosis. It is an encouraging sign to trust the changes you are going through.
  • Spiritual Messengers: Many mystic and cultural traditions view dragonflies as bridges between the physical and spiritual realms. A gathering is often interpreted as a visual reminder that guardian angels or deceased loved ones are nearby and watching over you. 
  • Abundance and Prosperity: In Chinese and Japanese folklore, dragonflies symbolize good fortune, swift success, and harmony. A bunch of them is a highly positive omen signaling incoming blessings, success, or wealth. 
  • Emotional Clearing: Because of their strong connection to water, seeing them together is often a prompt to dive deep into your own emotions, release past illusions, and embrace new beginnings with a lighter heart.

I’m not sure how that applies to my own personal cluster of feeling like shit, but I’ll ponder on it while I lay here suffering in my woe-is-me state of wretchedness.

Here’s a cool poem about dragonflies by Tennyson, who wrote it in 1833:

    The Dragon-Fly
    Today I saw the dragon-fly
    Come from the wells where he did lie.
    An inner impulse rent the veil
    Of his old husk: from head to tail
    Came out clear plates of sapphire mail.
    He dried his wings: like gauze they grew;|
    Thro’ crofts and pastures wet with dew
    A living flash of light he flew.

    A Perfect Rose

    I’m not referring to myself, haha, not this time, anyway… but I’m so proud that I propagated this rose and cared for it so lovingly until it produced a first bloom!

    I feel like I just gave birth to a beautiful rose baby.

    Photo by Enchanted Seashells

    A Big Fig

    Lack of rain and fruit rats are the reason I have had a very sad harvest this year. First of all, they (or squirrels) ate all the baby apples before I could cover the tree in netting, then they ate tomatoes and peas and plums.

    I have a little fig tree that produced a few figs and I did use the little mesh bags to encase the fruit to try and save them, but rats ate through the mesh!

    THIS was the lone survivor…and it’s a BIG one.

    I need to savor every bite because that’s IT until next season. I just don’t understand. Everyone around here suffers from the same rodent issues in their gardens, but I seem to bear the brunt of the destruction, maybe because I adamantly refuse to use poison to get rid of them, mainly because of the secondary damage to other creatures.

    At least we’re forecasted to have an El Nino winter which means lots of rain, so I’ll probably plant more veggies (especially lettuce that won’t cause explosive diarrhea) and try, try again, but it’s becoming so frustrating, I’m almost ready to give up.

    Jimothy and The Hot Trash Panda Summer 🦝

    In the midst of all the horrible stories swirling around this country, the talk of the town is the shiniest ray of light, #Jimothy, Seattle’s latest local legend!

    I’ve named him Dr. Jimothy Sprinkles, since UW conferred an honorary Ph.D. on this special little guy.

    Credit to creator, found on Twitter

    Jimothy is a short-spined raccoon spotted thriving in Ballard, a suburb of Seattle, despite a rare congenital condition. He doesn’t seem to be in pain and it looks like he’s living his best life.

    The Ferals (formerly Angel Kids) hope they get a glimpse of him because the sightings have been fairly close to their neighborhood.

    A raccoon dubbed “Jimothy” that was seen trotting on long legs across a patch of grass may have short spine syndrome, a rare congenital disorder. (Courtesy of Kiana Hall)
    Courtesy of Kiana Hall

    Filming the creature with her cellphone Monday night, Kiana Hall was certain of only one thing: The tiny beast skittering out from under a car in Seattle’s Ballard neighborhood was definitely not a cat. 

    “I got very confused at what I was seeing,” Hall said. “I just have never seen any other animal like it.” 

    She also didn’t know her five-second video clip would turn a teetering trash panda into an overnight internet celebrity.

    Hall, 33, and her partner were strolling near the Ballard Goodwill about 8:30 p.m. Monday when she spotted what she thought was a cat under a car. She took out her phone to film the animal, then watched in disbelief as a decidedly different critter crept from the shadows. 

    Smaller than a house cat and unusually round, the gray-furred creature loped on long legs across a patch of grass and up a nearby staircase before climbing over a fence and out of sight. Hall guessed it was a raccoon based on its masklike facial markings. She also suspected it had short spine syndrome, a rare congenital disorder she had learned about online.

    Hall published the video the next day on her Instagram, naming the creature “Jimothy” because, she said, “he looked like a Jimothy.” 

    Within hours, Hall’s video started going viral, garnering more than 5 million views and thousands of comments by Thursday afternoon. A Ballard resident who saw the video recognized Jimothy as an oddly shaped raccoon their security cameras had captured last month crawling on their patio. The resident posted their footage Wednesday on Reddit, attracting hundreds of awed comments, including ones comparing Jimothy to mythical creatures like cryptids and chupacabras. 

    And thus, Seattle’s latest local legend — a belovedly bedraggled raccoon — was born. 

    Seattleites’ adoption of Jimothy as their scrappy hometown hero has brought Hall “a lot of joy,” she said in a Thursday phone call. 

    “I think times have been hard for everyone, so I’m really happy to have posted something online that reaches so many people and makes them so happy,” Hall said. “I just hope (Jimothy) continues to live his life freely and I hope he can be healthy.”

    Jimothy’s prognosis seems positive, despite his unusual appearance, said Marcie Logsdon, an associate professor at Washington State University’s Veterinary Teaching Hospital. 

    Logsdon could not diagnose Jimothy based on reviewing the videos of the “kind of crazy little thing.” But she said the raccoon was likely born this year, and that its abnormally shortened neck is likely caused by a congenital deformity of the spine. 

    Jimothy appears to be functioning well and “very spry,” excellent signs for his survival in the wild, Logsdon said. 

    “The fact that he’s made it to this age tells me that he’s managing and that he’s adapting,” she said. “I was surprised and honestly a little bit inspired that he’s that resilient.” 

    Jimothy is likely best off “left to his own devices.” Anyone who spots him and is concerned about his health should call a local wildlife rehabilitator before trying to intervene, she said. 

    “Raccoons are amazing because they have done an amazing job at adapting to and sharing urban and suburban areas,” she said. “But respectful sharing needs to remain just that.” (Curated from Catalina Gaitán, Seattle Times breaking news reporter.)

    This is my personal fave cos Angel Boy (only slightly feral) teaches at UW.

    Now there’s a song about #Jimothy!

    Word Of The Day: Shindig

    I hope nobody watched or streamed that demented orange POSs speech yesterday. There are other, more pressing matters to occupy ourselves with, like why can't we eat salads or fresh salsa with cilantro? Why is our food contaminated with cyclospora? Why did that POS remove the FDA  “Food Traceability Rule” and place us at risk?

    ANYWAY, back to my form of reality (and therapy)…

    Does anybody even know what “shindig” means?

    The word originated in the United States in the mid-19th century. It’s believed to be a playful alteration of the older slang word shindy, which originally referred to a rowdy commotion or a street game similar to field hockey.

    In modern, everyday use, it’s synonymous with words like “bash,” “blowout,” or “hoedown”. For example, you might say, “Are you going to the big neighborhood shindig this weekend?”

    In the mid-60s, there was a TV show broadcast from Los Angeles called Shindig! It was a musical variety series hosted by DJ Jimmy O’Neill. I never watched it, maybe it wasn’t shown in my area, I dunno.

    Most exciting for all of us who love him is that Leon Russell, the house band’s pianist, was often featured in solo performances.

    (Learn more about Shindig! at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shindig)

    I never get tired of wondering exactly how Leon went from THIS to the uber cool long-haired sunglass-wearing exuberant Master of Space and Time that filled stadiums. The butterfly definitely broke out of the chrysalis!

    Photo credit from Pinterest

    Check out Leon on the first song with Donna Loren (you can hear him before you see him, it’s unmistakably LEON) and something I’ve never seen before, Leon on organ with Bobby Sherman at 10:02.

    And on another day with Aretha Franklin; I also always wonder what HE was thinking about…it’s a mystery.

    Abandoned Urban Skateboard

    Photo by Enchanted Seashells

    Near a local Asian grocery store, I parked my car next to an empty space that should have been filled with some sort of landscaping but it was resolutely devoid of all life.

    The skateboard definitely belonged to no one. I thought the shadows and shapes and red wheels were interesting enough to snap a photo of it, like the skateboard was purposely planted there, but for what reason?

    Where did it come from? Who left it there? Why was it abandoned? Is it some kind of sign? We can only speculate. Considering the location of the store which is in a sort of sketchy part of town, it’s not unlikely that someone was arrested for shoplifting and had to abandon his board as he was handcuffed and whisked away in the back of a patrol car. At least that’s the story I’m telling myself.

    I edited a version in black and white. I can’t decide which one I like better…

    Photo by Enchanted Seashells

    I felt like I should call the uber cool guy from YouTube, Crime Pays But Botany Doesn’t, and ask him to plant something in that dead zone. He’s really good about stuff like that.

    Which photo do you like more, color or black and white?



    Seashells and Hearts

    Every shell keeps a whisper,
    every wave leaves a sparkle,
    and every butterfly reminds the sky to stay curious.
    The shoreline collects wonder better than pockets ever could.

    World of Love Hearts

    Old-Fashioned Blueberry Pie (Vegan)

    A while back, I made a blueberry pie because I had too many blueberries that needed to be used up and a pie seemed like the perfect solution.

    The original Angel Boy said it was the best pie he had EVER eaten, which is saying a lot, because he doesn’t really care very much about desserts. The crust was crisp and flaky; even the bottom turned out golden browned, not at all soggy.

    Mom and the Ferals (no longer Angel Kids) loved it too, so much that the last piece of pie had to be carefully divided between the four of them so everyone had a final taste.

    After I received those glowing compliments, I decided to make it again, and hope I can replicate the delicous-ness.. I know that some people have a problem with lattice-topped pies, but it’s really quite simple, and is really the best top for a blueberry pie.

    I don’t think there’s any point in posting my recipe for a crust as there are literally thousands of recipes with how-to videos on YouTube. My suggestion is to either make your own favorite recipe or buy a ready-made crust, which I’ve never actually done, but know people who have. This is the one and only time I use Crisco shortening because I hate butter crusts. I think butter flavor detracts from whatever pie filling is used, whether it’s fruit or lemon meringue or chocolate. I’ve also tried oil-based crusts but they end up way too chewy and gross, so Crisco works for me.

    My filling is about five cups of fresh blueberries (these were organic), a couple tablespoons of lemon juice, 1/2 cup white sugar, and two hefty tablespoons of cornstarch, although you could use flour too. The purpose is to thicken the juicy berries and create a heavenly pie.

    The lattice is beyond simple, and there are also many online directions. I’ve been doing it for so many years that it only takes a few minutes to weave the lattice over the berries.

    Because pies have a tendency to bubble over and create a huge mess in the oven, a tip that I use is to place some parchment paper on a baking sheet and place the pie on that.

    Ready for the 400 degree oven!

    Photo by Enchanted Seashells

    After baking for about 40 minutes, it needs to cool so I can have a giant slice!

    Photo by Enchanted Seashells

    P.S. It was DELICIOUS, not too sweet, and the crust was amazing!

    Word Of The Day: Bedridden

    I couldn’t think of anything to write today, so I looked at my recent situation and decided there was no other way to describe it: bedridden or bedbound.

    From Pinterest

    A bedbound person still retains some limited movement and can actively participate in their care, such as repositioning or feeding themselves. A bedridden person is completely confined to bed with minimal to no mobility, 

    Let me reiterate and I’m not being melodramatic at all; shingles/herpes zoster is not something you can ignore.

    Most things I don’t take very seriously; an injury, a fall, a brief bout of the flu or a sore throat, but THIS was lifechanging.

    The pain is really indescribable, and now I understand why I felt paralyzed when I had it as a child; it’s really that overwhelming. I’d show you the photos I took of every stage of the rash that covered my entire right side, but it’s too gross to share.

    For the past two weeks, I’ve literally not been able to walk, to move, to exist — without extreme torment, and that’s not an exaggeration. Waiting too long to inform my doc so that she could prescribe an antiviral was completely stupid of me.

    Now that I’m nearing the end of this disease cycle, it’s time to reflect on what it means to be bedridden or bedbound, because for me, not being active is hell on earth.

    Not being able to go for walks or work out is torture. I lay there in agony, thinking about how my muscles and joints were actively atrophying from disuse, and that just added to my depression. The garden suffered too, since I couldn’t water anything and we’ve had no rain for months. It looks sad and dismal, kind of how I feel.

    The antiviral meds made me extremely fatigued, so I honestly couldn’t move no matter how badly I wanted to force myself.

    I was bedridden, or more accurately, sofaridden, because the sofa was slightly more comfortable than my bed.

    Spiritually, pain is widely viewed as a catalyst for growth, a profound teacher, or a signal of energetic imbalance. Rather than mere suffering, many traditions frame pain as an invitation to look inward, release resistance to change, and align more deeply with your authentic self.

    I’m not too sure about that. What I have learned is to call for medical help sooner, to stop being so stubborn, and to get the shingles vaccine. No way I want to repeat this lesson. I got it. Message received.

    Celebrate The Sky

    I didn’t find a whole lot to celebrate on the 4th of July — Independence Day seems to have lost its meaning for a lot of us in the-not-very United States, but I did snap a photo of the sky in all of her glory, and that seems more significant.

    In the garden as the sun waned, it was still quiet, the idiots hadn’t yet begun to set off their illegal fireworks, and Mother Nature put on a spectacular show.

    Photo by Enchanted Seashells

    I think I finally see the light at the end of the long, dark shingles tunnel; I slept all night and woke up with less pain, so that’s my good news. I am definitely getting the vaccine as soon as it’s safe, after completely healing.