Heart/wrecked

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Like a ship that runs aground because of low tide or unseen rocks or fog or navigational errors, our beautiful heart can be damaged when blood flow is restricted or when it flows unregulated.

Heart/wrecked.

I grew up hearing the term, “Stress kills.”

I was never quite sure what that meant, but then I did when it happened to me.

Uniquely & Brilliantly Adorned: Can Your Job Kill You?
http://www.uniquelyandbrilliantlyadorned.com

After a seemingly nonstop barrage of a personal stressful situation–like a ship hitting the rocks over and over again–it all finally took an undeniable toll on my physical health.

One of my favorite places to live is in the state of Denial, but I’ve been forced to temporarily move to a new town called Reality. Hopefully, I’ll just visit there for a bit until I can come home again.

After experiencing some intermittent and strangely terrifying heart pains, I went to the doc who took my blood pressure and was concerned about the results. It was super high. I had always had enviably LOW blood pressure since I exercise regularly, am vegan and never smoked, so this raised concerns.

Over the course of a couple weeks, my BP was checked daily and it stayed consistently high; dangerously high, which only made me more anxious and more stressed, and at one of the office visits, I started hyperventilating and had a panic attack. (Super embarrassing for the doc and absolutely mortifying for me.)

This led to an order for an Echocardiogram along with all the other heart-focused tests. The echo was done at a local hospital–a definite trigger. No one wants to go to a hospital at any time, but especially during Covid. It seemed like I was being admitted, with a wrist band and lots of little stickers, and I was devastated.

I almost bolted out of the front door at that point, but I persevered. I can share with you that it’s a scary time when you have to figure out why you don’t feel great. I’ve been a medical advocate for several loved ones, but it’s radically more difficult when you have to care for yourself. Poor me.

The technician was amazing, especially considering I tormented her with a million questions. I know enough about medical stuff to see that she was concentrating on a certain area of my heart. I really appreciated her patience with me and her detailed explanations during the hour-long ordeal.

The results showed a dilated aortic root valve and regurgitation of the mitral valve.

Risk Adjustment Coding Academy- Coding Focus

What this means is that the accumulation of stress and panic attacks and PTSD that I’ve endured during the last four years manifested medically and physically and caused structural damage to my heart.

Mitral valve regurgitation - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic

“Severe physical or emotional stress increases blood pressure to the point where the tensile limit of the aortic tissue is overwhelmed, causing the rupture.”

“Over time, certain conditions, such as high blood pressure, can cause your heart to work harder, gradually enlarging your heart’s left ventricle.”

“Mitral valve regurgitation can cause complications such as atrial fibrillation, in which the atria of the heart don’t contract well. This leads to increased risk of stroke. Also, elevated blood pressure in the lungs (pulmonary artery hypertension).”

Hypertension makes the blood push harder against the valve and causes it to dilate, enlarge, and that’s pretty much the same scenario for the mitral valve, which seems to be the cause of the intermittent chest pain.

I’ll need to be monitored regularly because if I can’t control the stress/blood pressure and the valves stretch to a dangerous size, the only solution is surgical intervention–or death.

Reducing stress and hypertension can possibly keep the valves from enlarging any further, but the damage is done–nothing will make them reduce in size back to normal, except surgery.

Let me tell you that it’s true. Stress kills.

Now I’m off to change course, take some magnesium, eat more beets, meditate, calm down and regulate my breathing so that I don’t have a stroke or an aneurysm.

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Heart/wrecked.

Shipwrecked.

Pregnancy, Down Syndrome, and Reproductive Rights

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Although I usually cloak myself in a filmy, gauzy haze of positivity, sometimes the real world slips through a crack or two.

Did you hear about the YouTube influencers who documented every part of their pregnancy, up to and including their decision to end the pregnancy?

Jesse Ridgway and his wife Ashley ended their pregnancy, and in a series of posts on the YouTuber’s Instagram Stories, Jesse said that they’d recently made the “difficult decision” to end Ashley’s pregnancy after receiving a fetal Down syndrome diagnosis.

“This week, my wife and I made the very difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy due to Trisomy 21,” wrote Jesse. “The choice was not made lightly.”

Down syndrome, also known as Trisomy 21, is a genetic disorder caused by the presence of all or part of a third copy of chromosome 21.

It’s usually associated with developmental delays, mild, moderate, or severe intellectual disability, and characteristic physical features.

Since they town-cried their controversial decision, it stirred up a hornet’s nest of the most vicious attacks against them, as well as from those who support them. People are saying he posted publicly so he needs to deal with the hatred. He tried to get attention and make money off of his unborn child. (However, thousands upon thousands of others document their pregnancy too, and for the same reasons.)

“Down Syndrome isn’t a ‘blessing,’ it is objectively s—ty from a health perspective,” Jesse claimed. “I didn’t realize just how rough it is for the child, let alone the family…more often than not, they would be fully dependent on others for the rest of their life.”

After posting about the loss of their unborn child, the couple was flooded with vitriolic comments, with critics calling them “murderous” and “evil”. The Ridgways were sent a “tremendous amount of death threats” from people across various social media platforms who were outraged by their decision. The harassment became so severe that Jesse revealed he put extra security measures in place. In an interview on TMZ Live, he disclosed that the threats were taken so seriously that his wife had to leave their shared home.

From Reddit: I don’t know why people feel the need to give their input on a situation that doesn’t concern them. People need to mind their own business. The commenters are on their high horse acting as if they have such a high moral compass,

Here’s my opinion…

First of all, this is a distraction from the hell that is going on in our country on so many levels, all due to that orange POS.

Secondly...If Jesse and his wife had kept their decision to terminate PRIVATE (or their whole life private), none of this would have happened. I just don’t understand why so many people feel it’s necessary to put their lives on display for impressions, clicks, and income from YouTube and Instagram and all the other social media platforms.

Thirdly… Literally no one LIKES to have an abortion, it’s not like we women throw parties and do gender reveals, but it’s OUR body and our RIGHT to be pregnant or NOT be pregnant and everyone can stay out of my uterus.

Finally...When I was in the teaching program at university, I started out thinking I wanted to major in special education but after doing some student teaching in Special Ed classes and experiencing their special and exhausting 24/7/365 needs, it’s not something I chose to do.

It’s grueling for parents, siblings, teachers, and everyone else. I would not subject a child of mine to merely exist like that. What happens to them when their parents are gone? It’s not a pretty thought.

I don’t think there was as much comprehensive genetic testing back when I was pregnant with my son as there is now, but if my tests revealed a severe genetic abnormality or birth defect, I’d have a lot of thinking to do, mainly about their quality of life–and mine.

Final thought:
Pearl clutchers and virtue signallers and everyone else with their fake martydom can do what they want with their own bodies, but keep their hands, laws, and opinions out of mine. It’s quite literally none of your business. #reproductiverights

Bliss

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If only you knew what bliss I find in being nothing.

Words attributed to Rumi
Photo by Enchanted Seashells

A Hopeful Walk

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She walks
With such a knowing
Of all that has been
And such a hope
For what is not yet seen

A Poem by Athey Thompson/Art by Paula Jones

What is Death

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I don’t often write about sadness, sad things, darkness; the shadowy and often ephemeral side of LIFE, but someone I know just died and I didn’t see her before it happened. I’m upset with myself because I didn’t make the time to visit as soon as I heard she had an incurable illness.

I’m upset with myself that I didn’t do more to be a better friend. There are reasons that truly make sense; her life took a path that was unsafe and even dangerous, and it was unhealthy to perpetuate a relationship with someone who changed so completely from the person I had originally befriended, but I still would have liked to have said or done something to let her know that I hoped she would recover — that I was thinking about her.

The day that I finally planned to reach out came too late because she did NOT recover and that makes me sad, too — for her, and for her son who lost his mom far too soon.

So… what is death? Scientifically, the heart stops beating, the lungs stop inhaling and exhaling; pupils become fixed and dilated.

But if someone remembers you with love, did you really die? Are memories the thing that keeps us alive?

I have no idea, but I think that’s enough depressing rumination for one day. If a similar situation arises, I hope I’ll remember to reach out before time runs out, because you just never know…

Rest in peace, friend.

May’s Blue Moon

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The Blue Moon arrives tonight in its full glory, bringing the rarest and most magical moon of the year. This is the second full moon we’ve had in May, and that’s pretty special, too.

This is a time linked to wishes, turning points, meaningful communication, reconnections, and dreams moving closer to reality. Something that has felt distant may suddenly feel possible again.

Over the next day or so, we may notice unexpected messages, chance encounters, powerful synchronicities, and moments that seem perfectly timed.

Conversations can open doors, answers can arrive when least expected, and opportunities may appear from surprising places.

The energy of this Blue Moon is about movement, momentum, and bringing something we have hoped for one step closer.

There are many ways to recognize the powerful energies of a full moon, like charging crystals and water, writing letters, and meditating, but I think that these potent spiritual forces are present if we simply open our hearts.

from empaths, old souls, and introverts
art from world of love hearts

Generational Talent: Amy Lee Nelson and Tina Rose Bridges

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Amy Lee Nelson and Tina Rose Bridges, the daughters of Willie Nelson and Leon Russell, have officially joined forces to create a brand new duo, ALeeN ROSE.

Their debut single, “They’re There” features music icon Willie Nelson. According to PEOPLE, he wrote the song’s bridge, played guitar, and lent his unmistakable vocals. “Now it’s a full-on family song, as it should be,” Amy said.

The song is a loving tribute to Amy’s late brother Billy Nelson who died in 1991 and Tina Rose’s father, Leon Russell. Leon died in 2016.

“In my dreams, my daddy tells me stories / Of all the things I can do and who I could be / He takes my hand / says understand you’re still beside me/ I’m not gone/ We are waltzing inside this dream,” Tina Rose sings on her verse.

This is a sweet and beautiful song that honors their spirits and the memories that continue to guide them through life.

“Tina Rose called me one evening during lockdown and we spoke about the feelings of loss surrounding the death of her dad,” Amy Lee Nelson recalls, “I told her how I’ve found myself often saying ‘they’re there’ when speaking of loved ones who have passed. I shared with her a song that I had begun writing after having dream visions of my brother, Billy.”

She continues, “I asked her to write the second verse as a healing outlet for her pain and grief. I was blown away by the verse she brought back to me. But it still wasn’t finished and we weren’t sure where to take it. We asked my dad for help, and so he wrote the bridge. Now it is a full-on family song, as it should be.”

Willie Nelson and Leon Russell are two of the best and most individual songwriters and vocalists in any musical genre. Leon Russell was a musician, songwriter, and arranger who had been a first-call session man and producer even longer than he had been known as an individual performer.

In 1979, Willie Nelson and Leon Russell released their chart-topping double album, One for the Road. Although One for the Road is their only joint album, the two continued to perform together on stage over the years.

News of ALeeN ROSE’s “They’re There” release comes soon after Willie Nelson’s son, Lukas Nelson, performed a cover of Leon Russell’s “A Song for You” at Cain’s Ballroom in Oklahoma. The track’s release also coincides with what would have been Billy Nelson’s 68th birthday.

As you listen to “They’re There”, the respect and love is truly inspirational.

It oozes with generational talent. Their ability to translate feelings into a musical format is genuine and authentic. What an amazing way to carry on the legacy of two musical giants. I just know that Leon Russell would be so proud of Tina Rose.

Some content curated from internet sources.

Mediterranean Bulgur Salad: My New Food Obsession

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Memorial Day seems to mean that summer is just around the corner. If you’re looking for a tasty addition to your menu for warm weather eating, try a bulgur salad.

I’ve been eating it every day because when I find something I like, that’s what I do. It’s a perfect summery meal because there’s no need to cook fine bulgur; all you need is boiling water.

I know it’s a crowd pleaser because when I first experimented with the recipe, I placed a bowl on the table while the original Angel Boy was waiting for his lunch (they never grow up, haha).

As my forever best official taster, I asked him to try it and expected he would serve himself a small portion, but when I returned a few minutes later with the rest of his food, a giant tuna melt packed with avocado and veggies, he had devoured all of it and asked for more!

Not my photo, curated from Pinterest. Credit to the owner.

With fresh herbs, chopped vegetables, and a chickpea option, this bulgur salad is hearty enough to serve on its own or as a healthy side dish.

Mediterranean bulgur salad recipe is substantial, healthy, and full of flavor. I like to make it over the weekend and keep it all week for easy lunches.

Bulgur is a chewy, nutty-tasting grain made from whole wheat kernels that have been parboiled, dried, and cracked. In addition to being delicious, it’s packed with fiber and protein, rich in vitamins and minerals, and low in fat and calories. 

There’s a fair bit of prep work but it all combines quickly.

Mediterranean Bulgur Salad

Ingredients
1 cup fine bulgur
⅓ cup diced red onion
1 large clove garlic, finely minced (I omitted this)
1 red bell pepper, diced
1 small cucumber, seeded and diced
2 ribs celery, diced
I chopped tomato
½ cup finely chopped fresh mint
⅓ cup finely chopped fresh cilantro or parsley
1/2 cup pomegranate seeds.
¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil, more as needed.
¼ cup fresh lemon juice, from 2 lemons
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon Himalayan salt.
Optional: 1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed
Optional: crumbled feta

Directions:
Bring a pot or kettle of water to a boil. Place the bulgur in a large bowl with ½ teaspoon salt. Pour 1¼ cups boiling water over bulgar. Cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and top with a towel to keep the heat in. Let sit for 15 to 30 minutes, or until all of the water is absorbed. Let cool, then fluff with a fork.

In another large bowl, whisk together the oil, lemon juice, garlic, pepper, and salt. Add the cooled bulgur and all the other ingredients. Toss well, then taste and adjust seasoning if necessary. Chill until ready to serve. Sprinkle with crumbled feta, if desired. Serve cold or room temperature on a bed of arugula and garnish with a sprig of fresh mint.

Option: If you need to be gluten-free for any reason, an easy swap for the bulgur is cooked quinoa.

Fun facts: I was surprised to learn that this is also called the Jennifer Aniston Salad for some reason, but it existed long before she became famous on Friends.

Unexpected Magic

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“But once in a while the odd thing happens,
Once in a while the dream comes true,
And the whole pattern of life is altered,
Once in a while the moon turns blue.”
W.H. Auden

Photos from Pinterest

Flowery Colors of May

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More pics sent from the Pacific Northwest, which I especially appreciate since I’m allergic to most flowers in real life. These don’t cause sneezing and watery eyes; no antihistamine needed!

Thimbleberry flowers…this big flower will eventually produce a small, sweet, heavenly berry.

The thimbleberry gets its name from the shape of its fruit. When picked carefully, the cluster of tiny drupelets is removed from its central core, leaving a hollow, bowl-like shape that fits perfectly on the tip of a finger, much like a sewing thimble.

Lilac…one of my absolute favorites.

Azalea…something that would never grow in droughty SoCal.

Wisteria…I tried to grow one here and watched it as it sadly shriveled up and died, but I’m happy to see how it thrives in the proper climate.

All photos by Angel Boy.

Disturbing Dreamland

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After not being able to recall my dreams for a while, this one was so unsettling, I can remember most of the details. I don’t know what part of my brain decided to spew these strange thoughts…

The first image is of me in a hotel room with two cats. One was all black and the other was more fluffy and furry like a Maine Coon. There was a balcony with a sliding glass door which I kept closed and locked. I can’t explain why I was traveling and had made the poor decision to bring the cats with me — NOT something I’d do in real life. The cats were chipped but weren’t wearing collars or ID tags, also something I’d never do. My kitties always had stylish collars.

Maybe it’s the right time to explain that I don’t have any cats at the present time which makes this an even more bizarre dream scenario.

I felt extremely worried about them getting out of the room and getting lost. I have a distinct memory of feeling a lot of anxiety.

I don’t even like hotels because I think they’re inherently unsanitary and the impermanence of temporary lodging where hoards of strangers have been is unsettling. I love my homespace. (There’s really no place like home.)

I’d much rather camp or even sleep in a car than stay in a hotel, even a five-star one.

Funnily enough, even my dreamstate knew that!

After one night, I checked out of the hotel, carrying both of the cats in my arms, along with pulling my suitcase. I don’t know why I didn’t have cat carriers because that would have obviously made it all so much easier, right? I remember being so afraid that I’d drop one of them and they’d run off. The fear was palpable.

The next part of the dream took place at a camp site which I believe was in Yosemite. Someone had kindly set up a red tent along with a litter box. However, I was quite distraught, consumed with keeping the cats safely IN the tent so they wouldn’t run away. The thought of them lost in the woods was intensely disturbing.

In a state of wake/asleep, I thought to myself, who brings cats to places that they aren’t familiar with? The cats wanted to escape, pawing at the the tent stakes, and I was becoming overwhelmed.

I wasn’t having any fun, that’s for sure.

I don’t know what happened after that. There was no resolution to my dilemma because I woke up.

My entire morning was tainted with agitation, apprehension, and dread — not a calm and peaceful way to start the day, so I decided to research what that kind of dream might mean.

Now that I think about it, the fact that I made myself wake up BEFORE the kitties got out of the tent was the best possible outcome, because I couldn’t forgive myself (awake or asleep) if they got lost and I failed to protect them.

Here’s a few thoughts:

Two Cats: In dreams, pairs often represent duality or a decision you are currently weighing. Cats typically symbolize independence, intuition, or personal freedom.

Hotels represent temporary situations, transience, or being “away from home.” It suggests your subconscious is trying to process a situation that feels foreign, unstable, or out of your usual routine.

Feeling Overwhelmed: Too many cats in a contained space points to sensory overload. You may be juggling too many responsibilities or dealing with conflicting demands from others.

Campsite: Dreaming of multiple cats getting lost at a campsite typically reflects underlying anxieties about a loss of control or feelings of vulnerability. Because campsites represent unstructured environments and cats symbolize independence and intuition, this dream points to wandering emotions that are difficult to corral.

Getting Lost: Losing a pet in a dream often mirrors waking-life fears of abandonment, a lack of trust, or a feeling that you have lost control over certain aspects of your ilife.

All I know is that I hope I don’t have that dream again, and because I can’t seem to help myself, this dream made me think about Leon Russell’s song, Out In The Woods, about being lost in actual woods as well as the feeling of being lost in life.

When Leon wanted to learn the Zulu translation for being “lost in the woods”, he was told that there isn’t one because the Zulu don’t get lost in the woods. 

At about the seven-minute mark , Leon explains the story behind the the chorus: “Doda koo panga-ma, doda koo kala, Doda koo panga-oo, kala shatini.”
https://youtu.be/b7IYrFkYyJA?si=gY44_a3kn_11ls2d