Tina Fey | Enchanted Seashells by Princess Rosebud

As part of my 2013 resolution to release my inner beeyotch, Helen Reddy‘s inspired “I am Woman“ helps me stay on track!

I would like to thank three awesome women for their creativity and imagination, especially since it’s all about ME!

1. Rarasaur’s delightful interpretation of ME! Check out her incredible blog and just try to figure out how her mind works! She’s another SoCal girl and she loves cats! And she’s only 60 inches tall just like me! I love her a lot and you will too.

2. IB DesignsUSA banner in nautical flags, because sometimes the best answer is “Meow”. Kathy loves all things nautical and is a lovely lady with a great business. International maritime navy signal flags are a colorful way to spell names, messages, or to decorate your home. Give a personalized signal flag banner or wall hanging as a nautical wedding decoration, an unusual boating Christmas gift, or just for the plain fun of it!

3. In response to a tweet of mine bemoaning my lack of mail–no packages, no invitations to a ball, no requests to attend a movie premiere with Tina Fey–wonderful, awesome Red Dirt Kelly sent me a t-shirt!! I was so excited to return home (from my all day torture of my tugboat man as I dragged him from store to store at South Coast Plaza in the OC until he was so exhausted that he was at my mercy and he begged me to buy something, anything from Chanel so he could go home) and find a package to open and it was this t-shirt! Everyone needs to read the Red Dirt Chronicles!

Don’t miss Tuesday’s exciting blog! I’ll share an in-depth reportage of our day at South Coast Plaza, a day of torture and retaliation, culminating in a new Chanel acquisition!
Beeyotches RULE!

Who Wore It Better? Pink Chanel Dress (fabsugar.com)
Sweet Nostalgia at South Coast Plaza, Orange County (thecultureur.com)

A couple years ago I tried out for The Next Food Network Star but I didn’t make it past the first audition. Apparently, they just weren’t quite ready for a mouthy little vegetarian.

No really, everyone with the production was super nice. They told me I’d fit in well with their team in New York. I’m never going to move there, but it was nice to hear that anyway.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler ought to host everything. Forever. Watching the Golden Globes makes me think of all the movies I haven’t been in and a few that I was in. Briefly.

I envision myself in the audience at the GG as a nominee and then hearing my name called. I know that anyone who has ever acted at all has practiced their acceptance speech just like me–in the bedroom in front of the mirror, with a head toss and a shaky voice and a tear to wipe away.

My tugboat man has a problem with his truck that necessitated a trip to an auto parts store. We’re toying with the idea of a camping trip to the Grand Canyon–I’ve never been–so we def need a working vehicle. There’s a TJ Maxx across the street from the O’Reilly Auto Parts so I decided to come along for the ride. Hubs dropped me off at TJ and said he’d call me when he was done to come back and pick me up. Perfect. Way better than having him come with me or killing me slowly by forcing me to go to the auto parts store with him. SNORE.

On a completely different topic and because I just heard Lena Dunham mention him–I’m two degrees away from Chad Lowe. A very good friend in college used to have wild sex with him up in LA. Which means I’m three degrees away from Rob Lowe. Wheeeee!

So…Hubs called me to let me know he was done with buying the spark plugs and blah blah blah, and I should wait out front TJ Maxx for him to pick me up.

When he drove up, I opened the door and he said, “How much for a [insert sexual act here]?”

It’s always special when your hubs thinks you’re a prostitute, right?