The Elephant In The Room

I would much rather write about my angst with garden bunnies who destroyed my lawn and post photos of birds and butterflies or continue my passionate obsession with the musical genius of Leon Russell than deal with harsh realities but the elephant in the room is stomping her feet and demands to be heard, so here’s a little something about what’s going on in the (not very) United States.

I haven’t watched the news since Election Day. I mean, what’s the point? I still can’t understand how any of this happened, how we’re enduring this hellscape government like we’re stuck inside of a bad futuristic sci-fi film.

Still, even without the doomnews reports every five minutes, it’s hard NOT to know about all of the senseless violence in every corner of our country, including the recent death of a certain divisive agitator podcaster. I actually had no idea who Kirk even was, but social media was quite informative. His doctrine included stances against LGBTQ+ rights, diversity initiatives, climate change action, and mask mandates during the COVID-19 pandemic. He often made seriously ugly racist remarks that I won’t repeat. He promoted evangelical christian beliefs and argued against the separation of church and state. He once said  “I can’t stand the word empathy, actually. I think empathy is a made-up, new age term that — it does a lot of damage.”

What’s even more spine-chilling is that he had any followers at all. I fear for our children and grandchildren. Hate is pervasive. The US is not a nice place to live right now.

And this at an event organized by TPUSA Faith, “I think it’s worth it to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the second amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal. It is rational.” (From The Guardian)

Ironic, right?

I also think it’s vital to point out that Kirk was a podcaster and an influence peddler, NOT an elected US official, and certainly not a martyr. Any state services or funding for his funeral or other expenses are a gigantic misuse of taxpayer money. According to Occupy Democrats, his estate is worth at least twelve million. To put it in perspective, all the children who were victims of gun violence did not receive the same consideration.

These words are from A Mighty Girl, who seems to say it all, better than I could:

Today’s fatal shooting of Charlie Kirk at Utah Valley University comes just three months after Minnesota House Speaker Emerita Melissa Hortman was assassinated in her home — two leaders from different parties and opposing ideological perspectives, both silenced by acts of political violence.

Kirk, the 31-year-old founder of Turning Point USA, was shot and killed while speaking at an event in Orem, Utah, while Hortman, a 55-year-old Democratic leader of the Minnesota House, was assassinated alongside her husband Mark in a politically motivated attack by a far-right extremist on June 14.

The fatal shootings of Hortman and Kirk, a legislative leader and a political activist, are a stark reminder of how dangerous extremism and political animosity can become when left unchecked.

Kirk was addressing a crowd at his “American Comeback Tour” event when he was killed. The right-wing political activist, whose organization promoted conservative politics on college campuses, had become one of the most prominent voices in the conservative youth movement.

Three months earlier, Vance Boelter, a far-right extremist disguised as a law enforcement officer, killed Representative Hortman and her husband, and seriously wounded State Senator John Hoffman and his wife Yvette. Authorities found a list in Boelter’s vehicle containing nearly 70 potential targets, including abortion providers and Democratic lawmakers across multiple states. Both victims, Kirk and Hortman, represented the diverse range of political leaders now under threat.

The scope of this crisis cannot be ignored. According to the Center for Strategic and International Studies, between 2016 and 2025, there were 25 attacks and threats targeting elected officials, political candidates, judges and government employees that were motivated by partisan beliefs. For comparison, only two such incidents were reported in the two previous decades. The increase in partisan attacks spans the ideological spectrum but has done little to lower the temperature in political rhetoric.

Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro, a Democrat whose home was attacked and set ablaze in April while his family slept inside, condemned today’s tragedy in unequivocal terms: “Political violence has no place in our country. We must speak with moral clarity. The attack on Charlie Kirk is horrifying and this growing type of unconscionable violence cannot be allowed in our society”.

The words and actions of our political leaders in the coming days will prove consequential. Lilliana Mason, Professor of Political Science at Johns Hopkins University and co-author of “Radical American Partisanship: Mapping Violent Hostility, Its Causes, and the Consequences for Democracy,” warns that how leaders respond to these attacks will determine whether violence escalates or subsides.

Yet even as leaders call for unity, the challenge remains addressing the rhetoric that experts say fuels such violence.

trump has referred to political opponents as “vermin” that needed to be “[rooted] out”; called judges “monsters”; and, in a Memorial Day social media post, described those Americans who oppose his policies as “scum” and accused them of “trying to destroy our country.” Trump’s highly charged language explicitly demonizes his political opponents such as when he described them last October as an “enemy from within” that is “more dangerous than China, Russia, and all those countries.”

His aggressive, divisive, and dehumanizing rhetoric toward those who disagree with him — often labelling them as “enemies” and “traitors” — is viewed by many experts as inflaming such extremism and contributing to the normalization of political violence. An analysis of Trump’s speeches over the past ten years by UCLA political scientists found that not only has his use of violent language increased over time but that it surpassed that of nearly all other politicians studied from democratic countries.

In addition to his often extremist rhetoric, Trump has demonstrated a willingness to absolve acts of physical violence to advance his political interests. In a deeply troubling indication of his priorities, Trump made pardoning the January 6 attackers one of his very first acts upon returning to office. On his first day in office, Trump granted full pardons to all those convicted in the January 6 attack, over 1,500 rioters in total, including the 123 individuals charged with using a deadly or dangerous weapon or causing serious bodily injury to a police officer.

Equally concerning is how political violence, once unleashed, can become a pretext for authoritarian overreach. History shows that leaders with autocratic tendencies often exploit acts of political violence to justify crackdowns on civil liberties, suppress dissent, and consolidate power. From the Reichstag Fire that enabled Hitler’s rise to emergency powers, to modern strongmen who use security threats to silence opposition and restrict press freedoms, political violence creates a cycle where democratic norms erode from both ends.

A recent study by political scientist James Piazza found that countries where politicians used hate speech ‘often’ or ‘extremely often’ experienced an average of 107.9 domestic terrorist attacks compared to just 12.5 attacks in countries where politicians rarely used such language. Republican lawmakers have largely remained silent about or defended such rhetoric, despite warnings from security experts about its potential to inspire violence.

As individuals and as a nation, our “task now is to not let the people at the extremes pull the rest of us over the edge with them,” Dr. Garen Wintemute, the director of the Violence Prevention Research Program at UC Davis, urged in an interview today. “We need to make our rejection of political violence clear.”

We wish strength and healing for Representative Melissa Hortman’s two children who lost both parents just three months ago.

I just saw this open letter from the 50501 Movement and it’s too brilliant not to share:

Dear MAGA,

Why are you still so mad? You got what you wanted, remember? Trump back in office, no more “mean tweets” from Biden, and enough guns on the street to outfit a small army. Congratulations, mission accomplished.

You keep yelling about Biden like he’s still haunting you, but wasn’t the whole point to replace him? You still have your precious guns, even as shootings pile up like unpaid bills. When the Minnesota senators were gunned down, you couldn’t even admit the shooter was a far-right Christian nationalist. Instead, you spun excuses and conspiracies — and a sitting senator even posted something vile about it, with zero reprimand. Trump didn’t even bother to call Governor Walz. That’s your “law and order” president.

And let’s not forget your other golden boy, Charlie Kirk. He said empathy is weakness and shootings are just the “price of freedom.” Those were his words. Yet today, after he was killed, suddenly it’s outrage, grief, and endless demands for sympathy. And who announced his death? Trump. Not the family. Not officials. Trump, center stage again, making it about himself. So which is it? Why the tantrum? Why scream when people protest? Shouldn’t this be, by your own logic, the kind of thing you shrug off, maybe even laugh about like the “snowflakes” crying in the street?

You love to chant “law and order,” but under your hero, crime and political violence are worse. You rail about “Bidenflation,” but prices didn’t magically drop when Trump took over again. You brag about being the “party of God,” but your leaders mock empathy, sneer at compassion, and worship money like it’s a sacrament. And you laugh at “snowflakes,” while turning victimhood into your entire political identity.

Meanwhile, Epstein files keep spilling out, and surprise Trump’s name lingers like a bad smell. Gaza is bleeding, 18,000 kids dead, but hey, maybe there’ll be a shiny new Trump Tower in Palestine (satire he hasn’t announced this, but you know it’s the only thing he’d care about). Putin’s bombing Poland, but relax you’ll either call it “fake news” or say NATO had it coming. And here at home, the National Guard is deployed in the streets like a permanent prop the same militarization you claimed to hate when it wasn’t your guy in charge.

And since you love “tradition,” maybe you’re quietly thrilled we’re back to experimenting on Black bodies again (rhetorical framing referring to the real case of Adriana Smith in Georgia, kept alive on machines to deliver her baby). Her son Chance, barely five pounds, is fighting for survival while her family is forced to grieve in public. Freedom for you, exploitation for everyone else.

So again… why are you so mad? Isn’t this the America you ordered off the menu? You broke it, you bought it.

Sincerely,
The rest of us living in the wreckage

The Unbearable Death of a Boy-Man

It’s been  a year since my son’s boyhood friend tragically died in Hawaii from a surfing accident.  His body was never recovered. I wanted to take a moment to remember this bright shiny boy and the joy he brought to everyone he met.

From Kirk's Facebook page

From Kirk’s Facebook page

The loss of a child cannot be fathomed.

Who could ever be prepared for their child to die before them? There must be endless tears and sorrow and sadness and a forever and unrelenting pain.

For me, it’s a pure and simple matter.

If I never heard my son’s voice again or was never able to wrap my arms around him, I don’t know if I could take another breath.

…On Wednesday, November 13, 2013, Kirk Passmore, 32, a passionate big-wave surfing veteran and Hawaii resident, is presumed to have drowned and as of today his body has not been found.

One minute he was alive, surfing an estimated 20-foot wave at Alligator Rock on Oahu’s North Shore, with an audience of other surfers and photographers. He dropped into the steep face of the wave before falling over the front of his board and into the water. The top of the wave crashed over him and witnesses say he surfaced for a brief moment before he was crushed by another wave.

It was the last time anyone saw him.

Although extensive searches have been conducted in the area, he’s been missing since the day of the accident and is presumed drowned.

It was all caught on video. This is the video of his last wave. Somehow he never made it out alive.

His dad wanted the his final ride shared with as many people as possible.

Maybe you heard about this. Maybe you were watching the news on television and you paid scant attention to the story while you were on the computer or eating dinner.

Maybe you read it on the internet and saw the pictures or the video.

You probably thought to yourself or even said out loud, ” Wow, that’s really sad.”

Kirk Passmore.

Why am I writing about him?

Yes, it’s true that he was someone’s child, brother, friend.

But he was also one of my son’s friends.

They went to school together.

He’s the first (and so far, only) of my son’s friends to die.

Kirk had the biggest smile and the reddest hair. Everyone called him “Fanta” or “Red”.

He was one of the many boys I’d chauffeur around, packed like sardines in the back seat, all gangly legs and arms, endlessly stuffing their mouths —  bottomless pits of growing boy bodies– with the cookies and smoothies and other snacks cheerfully provided to everyone who came over.

A carful of boys talking about school, skateboarding; laughing, always smiling, always a thank you for the ride as he slammed the car door.

“See ya, Jason.”

A flash of bright red hair lit the way as he ran up the walkway to his house.

But no more.

I bet for most of these boys – and I still call these thirty-somethings BOYS because to me they will always and forever be “the boys” or “the guys” — my son’s friends from Kelly Elementary, Valley Junior High, and Carlsbad High School — this is their first experience with death and subsequent thoughts of their own mortality.

I feel so badly for his family and his friends who are mourning him with candlelight vigils, surf paddle-outs, tributes, and memorials. 

To honor Kirk, they’re handling their pain with grace and beauty.

One of them, artist Bryan Snyder, created a memorial wall in our town. If you’re ever in Carlsbad, check it out.

Bryan Snyder

Bryan Snyder

Our deepest sympathies go out to Kirk’s family. Our hearts are heavy and we are so very, very sorry for their loss.

The Passmore family released the following statement:

Kirk was born February 11, 1981 in Orem, Utah.  He grew up in Carlsbad, California and graduated from Carlsbad High School in 1999 where he was a member of the school’s surf team for four years.  As a youth, he was active in pop warner football, little league baseball, and basketball but his love was in surfing.

He started coming to Hawaii when he was 14 and was an experienced and expert surfer.  He was not new to big wave surfing, having surfed most of the well-known big wave locations, including Waimea Bay, Sunset Beach, Pipeline and outer reefs on the north shores of Hawaii.  He was a familiar face at Todos Santos off Baja California.  He also surfed Maverick’s in northern California and Puerto Escondido in Mainland Mexico.  He spent 3 years in the southern coast of France.  He moved to the north shore of Hawaii full-time in the spring of 2012.

Kirk was a part owner of Third Stone Surfboards in Waialua, Hawaii and a Manager at Bonzai Sushi in Haleiwa, Hawaii.

He is survived by his mother, Diane Passmore (Orem, Utah), father and step-mother, David and Karey Passmore (Sunset Beach, Hawaii), siblings, Alyson Adams (Highland, Utah); Merrily Roberts (Encinitas, California) and Matthew Passmore (serving an LDS mission in New York, New York).

The family wishes to thank the Coast Guard, the City and County of Honolulu lifeguards and Fire Department who continue the search.

The Unbearable Death of a Boy-Man

From Kirk's Facebook page

From Kirk’s Facebook page

The loss of a child cannot be fathomed.

Who could ever be prepared for their child to die before them?

There must be endless tears and sorrow and sadness and a forever and unrelenting pain.

For me, it’s a pure and simple matter.

If I never heard my son’s voice again or was never able to wrap my arms around him, I don’t know if I could take another breath.

…On Wednesday, November 13, 2013, Kirk Passmore, 32, a passionate big-wave surfing veteran and Hawaii resident, is presumed to have drowned and as of today his body has not been found.

One minute he was alive, surfing an estimated 20-foot wave at Alligator Rock on Oahu’s North Shore, with an audience of other surfers and photographers.

He dropped into the steep face of the wave before falling over the front of his board and into the water.

The top of the wave crashed over him and witnesses say he surfaced for a brief moment before he was crushed by another wave.

It was the last time anyone saw him.

Although extensive searches have been conducted in the area, he’s been missing since the day of the accident and is presumed drowned.

It was all caught on video.

This is the video of his last wave. Somehow he never made it out alive.

His dad wanted the his final ride shared with as many people as possible.

http://youtu.be/zWRl2fSZgfc

Maybe you heard about this. Maybe you were watching the news on television and you paid scant attention to the story while you were on the computer or eating dinner.

Maybe you read it on the internet and saw the pictures or the video.

You probably thought to yourself or even said out loud, ” Wow, that’s really sad.”

Kirk Passmore.

Why am I writing about him?

Yes, it’s true that he was someone’s child, brother, friend.

But he was also one of my son’s friends.

They went to school together.

He’s the first of my son’s friends to die.

Kirk had the biggest smile and the reddest hair. Everyone called him “Fanta” or “Red”.

He was one of the many boys I’d chauffeur around, packed like sardines in the back seat, all gangly legs and arms, endlessly stuffing their mouths —  bottomless pits of growing boy bodies– with the cookies and smoothies and other snacks cheerfully provided to everyone who came over.

A carful of boys talking about school, skateboarding; laughing, always smiling, always a thank you for the ride as he slammed the car door.

“See ya, Jason.”

A flash of bright red hair lit the way as he ran up the walkway to his house.

But no more.

I bet for most of these boys – and I still call these thirty-somethings BOYS because to me they will always and forever be “the boys” or “the guys” — my son’s friends from Kelly Elementary, Valley Junior High, and Carlsbad High School — this is their first experience with death and subsequent thoughts of their own mortality.

I feel so bad for his family and his friends who are mourning him with candlelight vigils, surf paddle-outs, tributes, and memorials. 

To honor Kirk, they’re handling their pain with grace and beauty.

One of them, artist Bryan Snyder, created a memorial wall in our town. If you’re ever in Carlsbad, check it out.

Bryan Snyder

Bryan Snyder

Our deepest sympathies go out to Kirk’s family. Our hearts are heavy and we are so very, very sorry for their loss.

The Passmore family released the following statement:

Kirk was born February 11, 1981 in Orem, Utah.  He grew up in Carlsbad, California and graduated from Carlsbad High School in 1999 where he was a member of the school’s surf team for four years.  As a youth, he was active in pop warner football, little league baseball, and basketball but his love was in surfing.

He started coming to Hawaii when he was 14 and was an experienced and expert surfer.  He was not new to big wave surfing, having surfed most of the well-known big wave locations, including Waimea Bay, Sunset Beach, Pipeline and outer reefs on the north shores of Hawaii.  He was a familiar face at Todos Santos off Baja California.  He also surfed Maverick’s in northern California and Puerto Escondido in Mainland Mexico.  He spent 3 years in the southern coast of France.  He moved to the north shore of Hawaii full-time in the spring of 2012.

Kirk was a part owner of Third Stone Surfboards in Waialua, Hawaii and a Manager at Bonzai Sushi in Haleiwa, Hawaii.

He is survived by his mother, Diane Passmore (Orem, Utah), father and step-mother, David and Karey Passmore (Sunset Beach, Hawaii), siblings, Alyson Adams (Highland, Utah); Merrily Roberts (Encinitas, California) and Matthew Passmore (serving an LDS mission in New York, New York).

The family wishes to thank the Coast Guard, the City and County of Honolulu lifeguards and Fire Department who continue the search.