Happy New Year 5776!

shana-tova

The Jewish New Year marks the beginning of ten days of repentance culminating with Yom Kippur.

That’s about all I remember from attending a few years of Sunday Hebrew school until we moved to sunshiny SoCal, where I could concentrate all of my brain cells on yummy tanned surfer boys.

Even though my grandfather was a rabbi, the whole religious thang didn’t have much of an impact on me, other than the Jewish princess aspect because I am a VERY devout Jewish princess-y type.

Although you wouldn’t think so if you had been around yesterday, when I was tugboat man’s helper as we blew sixty (SIXTY!) bags of eco-friendly insulation in our attic.

I would allow no photos of me in a respirator, safety goggles, and work gloves, so you’ll just have to use your imagination.

It was NOT a pretty sight.

More like Cinderella than Princess.

But now we’re pretty much done with our whirlwind month of home improvements; new roof, insulation, termite spraying, and the removal of five trees so we can plant fruit and palms.

This leads us to my secret (had you forgotten?) that I promise to reveal next week.

Until then, Happy New Year and eat some apples and honey (although I’ve forgotten why it’s relevant.)

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Oy Vey, Jon Stewart, You Broke My Heart

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And right before Valentine’s Day!

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, MY LOVE?

Did you hear the news?

My secret fantasy, the love of my life, my all-time JewCrush, has broken my heart.

I’m verklempt.

OY, the PAIN!

#1 JewMom heartthrob: Jon Stewart.

Jon’s Goodbye
http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2015/02/jon-stewart-goodbye-the-daily-show

(We profess love for the dreamy Max Greenfield — Schmidt of “New Girl” — however, he’s a bit young for a true midlife fantasy as he’s about the same age of our sons — and there’s something not quite right with that scenario, if you know what I mean.)

Don’t misunderstand —  I have a special place in my heart for my erstwhile tugboat man; after all, we’ve been married for just about twenty-one years, but JON STEWART owns a huge piece of my heart (the Jewish part.)

Those blue eyes, that soupçon of unruly hair that falls rakishly across his forehead, his sort of creepy and girlish giggle — even his UBER hairy hands — no one else measures up.

His wit, his humor, his singular delivery, even his SINGING — I’m fanning myself- what will I do?

How will I survive?

What about NEWS? What about VIEWPOINT?

Don’t worry, hub knows all about how I feel about Jon — he shares the love — and never misses “Your Moment of Zen”.

We trust The Daily Show to deliver the kind of UN-biased news that reflects our perspective, our cynical and mocking attitude toward all that is political…

And he has rescue dogs! Rescue! Dogs!

I’m planning a trip to the east coast to visit Professor Angel Boy; WHAT IF I WAS IN THE AUDIENCE FOR A TAPING OF JON’S SHOW?

WHAT IF WE MET? 

That would be totally awesome.

TOTALLY AWESOME.

The stuff of dreams, my friends. The stuff of dreams.

Jon’s First Daily Show
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/28/jon-stewart-first-daily-episode_n_2204750.html


My previous posts about Jon Stewart:

Dear Jonathon Stuart Lebowitz
https://enchantedseashells.com/2013/01/26/dear-jonathan-stuart-leibowitz/

The Real Meaning of Thanksgiving
https://enchantedseashells.com/2012/11/21/the-real-meaning-of-thanksgiving-enjoy/

 

 

 

Dear Trader Joe’s…

Aside: I’m wondering about the placement of the apostrophe in “Joe’s”. It doesn’t really make sense. Trader Joe’s WHAT? 


I’m feeling all ranty and everything.

Trader Joe’s has been my main food shopping store for as long as I can remember — way before it was the cool place.

Back in the seventies, there weren’t a whole lotta grocery stores that catered to vegetarians. Not every corner boasted a Whole Foods or a Sprouts.

You guys have had a lot of my money over the years.

But I’m really ticked off at you guys right now — and not just for the questionable punctuation.

I’m troubled by the way your “Corn-Rye Bread” is defined on receipts.

It’s referred to as “Corn Rye Jewish Style Bread”.cornryereceipt

Nowhere on the packaging do you read the word “Jewish”. cornryefront

The packaging does refer to its Kosher and Pareve status.cornryeback

That you choose to describe an item by its perceived cultural reference is offensive to me, and quite possibly indirect, oblique subliminal anti-Semitism.

Singling out shoppers who buy this bread as “Jewish” is subtle, insidious, disingenuous, sneakily surreptitious, and as conspicuous as a yellow star.

Where’s the Christian bread or the Buddhist bread or Muslim bread?

It’s not appropriate to characterize a bread as “Jewish” or “Jewish-style”.

I wrote to you last week about my concerns, and have yet to receive a response.

I am again requesting that you (company-wide) immediately delete and discontinue the use of the term “Jewish” from your stock description of this Corn-Rye Bread.

A more accurate description would be “Kosher” and/or “Pareve”.

But not Jewish.

Being Jewish means that you are part of the Jewish people, whether because you were born into a Jewish home and culturally identify as Jewish or because you practice the Jewish religion (or both).

Bread cannot be Jewish-style unless you also describe other products as Hindu-style or Christian-style or Mexican-style or Asian-style.

I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt —  maybe you operated until the umbrella-ella-ella of ignorance — but now that you know, in good faith, I expect this to be acted upon immediately.

Again, remove “Jewish-style” from your description of Corn-Rye Bread.

Thank you,
Princess Rosebud
or should I say, Jewish-style Princess Rosebud


From TJ website: Trader Joe’s is an American privately held chain of specialty grocery stores headquartered in Monrovia, California, in Greater Los Angeles. As of 16 May 2014, Trader Joe’s had a total of 418 stores.

From Fortune: the chain is owned by Germany’s ultra-private Albrecht family, the people behind the Aldi Nord supermarket empire. A different branch of the family controls Aldi Süd, parent of the U.S. Aldi grocery chain.