This. Is who I am.

Okie dokie.

What did you think about my recent post about finding a local source for Chanel and other high end designer goods?

Loved it? Don’t really care? First world problems? Entitlement issues?

Angst. I suffer. Truly I do.

On the same day I purchased my new Chanel sunnies, I was still riding the sweet endorphin rush and made a beeline to Rite Aid to see what was on clearance as a way to detox myself.

Here’s where you’ll get to know the real me. To walk in my stilettos for a brief moment; to feel compassion for the crazy that I am, and which I fully OWN, by the way.

This is complicated, so follow closely.

Do you see these three bottles of nail polish?

(I’m assuming you are all nodding your heads.)

img_6380

It’s a low end brand but that doesn’t mean low quality. The polish lasts quite a while and doesn’t chip-while it’s not $10 Opi or Essie quality, it’s perfectly acceptable especially if you’re quirky like me and change your colors on a whim. One day I’m sparkly and the next day I’m red hot.

You get the picture…

But that’s not this story NOR my dilemma.

Bear in mind that I JUST spent a small fortune on new sunnies and the price tag didn’t make me flinch. Notwithstanding THAT, I am really very thrifty. Frugal, even.

The nail polish brand must have been discontinued because there were signs offering a deal. If you purchased two at the regular price of 99 cents, the third one was 24 cents.

So random. 24 CENTS? Honestly, who came up with THAT number?

But my convoluted thought process was working overtime. Do I NEED three new colors? NOT REALLY.

But how can I pass this deal up? I did a quick calculation and discovered the price would be $2.22 for all of them.

You prob think this is a no brainer, right?

NOPE. Not for me.

I agonized for a good ten minutes, talking to myself (in my head, not OUT LOUD, sheesh) about the necessity and/or waste of $2.22 when I really only wanted ONE color, and then I asked myself (again, IN MY HEAD) whether or not I could walk away from a deal like that and might I not find a use for the other two colors at some point in the coming months.

It was excruciatingly painful to be in my orbitofrontal cortex,  anterior cingulate cortex, the striatum, and my thalamus at that moment. You wouldn’t want to be in there, trust me.

All the odd OCD synapses were firing at the same time.

I mean, do you see the insanity? How can I explain it to anyone when it makes no sense to myself?

If you move the decimal point over a bit, you can figure out about how much I spent on new sunnies. (Well, more, but who’s counting.)

I had less angst over THAT amount of money than I did with the $2.22.

What did I do?

Holding your breath?

I bought all three.

NOT SO FAST.

Actually, I first decided not to, and was walking to the shelf to put them back, and then I thought I was being BEYOND mental and completely ridiculous, so I changed my mind.

Whew.

I’ve had some tough decisions to make in my life but this ranks right up there with the most insane waste of time about virtually nothing significant. (Like the time I stressed about driving twenty miles to take back a $2 ball of twine. Which I eventually kept. Read all about it here.)

I told you I suffer from angst. I really really do.

Believe it.

I feel like Sisyphus

Welcome to my own version of Hell.

roof1I feel like Sisyphus, except for the part where I’m being punished for being deceitful, that is.

The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight.

They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.

For the past month, except for a brief few days camping and hiking in Pinnacles National Park, I’ve been cleaning and re-cleaning and cleaning again.

The same things.

Futile and hopeless labor.

Over and over and over again.

First we had five trees removed and I cleaned the yard of debris.

Over and over again.

Now we’re having our roof replaced in advance of the forecasted horrible, terrible, El Nino this winter pouring rain down upon our droughty lands.

The last time our roof was replaced was in 1985, prior to purchasing this house.

No one prepared me for the MESS and the NOISE.

Tearing off the two older iterations of roofing shingles.

Dirt, dirt, and more dirt IN THE HOUSE.

Even with all the windows closed in this one-hundred degree heat.

This is the stuff of OCD night terrors, because I JUST CLEANED IT.

roof dirtDirt on the screens, in the window tracks, coming in through the vents.

And there’s me, the embodiment of Sisyphus, vacuuming and vacuuming and well, you get the picture.

Are you asking yourself why don’t I simply wait until it’s all over and clean it just one time?

Good question.

I’ll give it some thought and get back to you with an answer as soon as I finish vacuuming.

Again.

See what I mean about Sisyphus?

OMG and then this HAPPENED right now as I’m writing this…a roofer stepped through and crashed into the ceiling in the office.

Now I am officially CRAZY.

roof fall