As I slowly emerge from the last two years, in my more melodramatic moments, I feel it’s akin to crawling out of a cave, eyes blinkblinkblinking against the light after being stuck for months in the dark.
The vagaries of life are such that one day I’m reseeding my lawn completely demolished by my wild bunnies (most likely a futile exercise); the next day I’m interviewing Tonya Mantooth, CEO of the San Diego International Film Festival.
Does the name Tonya Mantooth ring a bell for you? It did for me, and I followed a twisty windy Google research path to satisfy my curiosity.
A while back I wrote a post about my journey through the side effects of my Covid vaccine which included being enamored once again with the TV show Emergency! and its lovely cast, including Julie London, Bobby Troup, Kevin Tighe, AND Randolph Mantooth. Could it have been a coincidence with that unusual name? Well, it wasn’t. Tonya is his sister!
Long ago when I had visions of being somehow involved in the film biz, I used to write for the Theater Arts Guild newsletter and knew all of the talent agents in town. In that other lifetime I acted in a few things and was a production coordinator for a while, too…
Back to present day reality…
-The 21st Annual San Diego International Film Festival includes the return of in-person Opening Night Film Premiere & Reception, the Night of the Stars Tribute, Culinary Cinema, plus more parties. Looking for something memorable to do in San Diego? This is IT, a definite must attend event and there are plenty of films for every cinephile. Check out their website: https://sdfilmfest.com/
Honestly, where else can you meet meet filmmakers and actors, participate in dialogues and ask questions?
-I learned that not only will there be a screening of (MGK) Machine Gun Kelly’s film, Taurus, but he will be there IN PERSON to accept an award from CEO Mantooth. (I confess that I didn’t really know who he was, but a few of my younger demographic friends asked about him and were extremely thrilled to learn they could see him up close and personal.)
As we chatted, Tonya was excited to share with me the addition She Said, the film adaptation of New York Times journalists Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey’s 2019 book on their investigation into Harvey Weinstein. This is the story that helped launch the #MeToo movement and shattered decades of silence around the subject of sexual assault in Hollywood. Produced with Brad Pitt, it stars Carey Mulligan and Zoe Kazan.
I’ve become fascinated by women who follow their passion — like Tonya Mantooth. It’s inspiring and empowering, don’t you agree? I plan to interview her more fully after the festival, but for now, I encourage you to attend this amazing San Diego International Film Festival.
According to Tonya Mantooth, attending the SDFF is an opportunity to participate in shared humanity, to bridge the divide, not increase the divide.” Viewing a foreign film “offers a glimpse into other cultures” as well as how important it is to “connect with community” and “explore fresh perspectives.”
Here’s a brief bio of the Festival’s CEO, Tonya Mantooth:
A ten-time Regional Emmy award winner with over 60 International Telly and ADDY awards,Tonya began her career as an Executive Producer when she became Director of Acquistions for CRM Films.Tonya co-founded and was President of The Dakota Group, a highly regarded film and post-production company in Southern California.Tonya has produced National TV campaigns and award-winning documentaries for Fortune 500 companies.Tonya launched Mantooth Studios and expanded her production scope to Entertainment Projects. Under Mantooth Films, Tonya Executive Produced four feature films, including GRAVE SECRETS, which became the pilot for a Nickelodeon Series. In 2012, Tonya took over the San Diego International Film Festival with a vision to bring international cinema to San Diego and grow the San Diego International Film Festival into a significant contributor to San Diego’s economy. Today the San Diego International Film Festival has grown over 500%.The spectacular six-day Festival features 120+ film screenings, panels and a red carpet Celebrity Tribute honoring actors such as Annette Bening, Adrian Brody, Geena Davis, Lawrence Fishburne, Sir Patrick Stewart and countless others.Tonya is steadfast in her belief that the experience of film allows us explore issues of global impact, to create dialog, and ultimately to develop empathy and understanding in an increasingly diverse and complex world.(From the SDFF website)
Do strangers sometimes strike up random conversations with you in public?
Me, too.
Yesterday, standing outside Trader Joe’s, contemplating their plant display, I wondered if I should bring another one home. I spied a pretty little olive tree. My green thumbed son got one at his Traders and it’s now about fifteen feet tall, but that’s the difference between a drought climate and the Pacific Northwest, I guess.
As I pondered this decision, I noticed an elderly lady next to me seemingly in similar deliberations. She was beautifully attired like my mom would have been to go out for the day in a gorgeous dress with heels, accessorized with a sparkly brooch. Her hair was carefully coiffed.
Such a gorgeous human.
I picked up one olive tree and put it back, not sure if I wanted to potentially kill another living being. It’s difficult to grow a lot of things here with barely any rain and restricted watering. Even if it’s not restricted, the cost to effectively water is prohibiitve.
I pointed to the olive trees and said to her, “Are you thinking of getting one, too?”
She replied, “I would, but I can’t see how big it will get.” She had a bit of an accent.
I read the little informational sticker on the pot and told her, “Ten to fifteen feet unless it’s pruned.”
Then I shared with her my son’s successful experience with the olive tree in his garden and how it already created a few actual olives.
After that, she proceeded to tell me one wonderful story after another about growing up on an olive farm just outside of Rome.
Every fall, “just about this time”, she said, they’d pick tons of olives for eating and pressed olive oil and sold it all.
The olive trees outside of Trader Joe’s brought memories flooding back from her youth and you could tell she was wistfully remembering what were obviously happy times with her family.
I told her it was no wonder she had beautiful skin from all the olive oil and she smiled, reached out a hand to touch my arm, and thanked me for taking the time to talk to her.
Actually, it was MY pleasure.
I could have listened to her talk for hours. The stories about her childhood during and after WW 2 were fascinating. I wonder how and why she came to live in California.
(No, I didn’t get the tree, but it’s still under consideration.)
Thank goodness it was pointing in the same direction I was heading, because if not, that would have definitely caused me to stop and ponder my next step.
I’m not sure what, if any symbolism I’m supposed to glean from this random fork in the road, but I’m relieved to have quite possibly been given a heavenly sign that I was on the right path.
Regardless, it was the route that would eventually bring me home — and for me, like Dorothy, there’s no place like home.
I left it there to help guide others on their own journey, but I did bring home a silky black raven’s feather to add to my collection.
Whether you followed his recent trial or not, whether you agreed with the verdict or not (although with all the credible evidence provided along with a stellar legal team, how could you NOT), I can speculate with almost 100% certainty that you’ve heard of Johnny Depp.
Whilst I was recovering from the after effects of my second Covid booster (body aches, headache, fever) I was playing around with the channels on my new TV and discovered a million episodes of 21 Jump Street.
Warning: this might become a rambling, incoherent series of unrelated thoughts. I intend to blame it on the way my body reacts to vaccinations.
I remember the show and vaguely recall the character Depp portrayed, but was in the middle of my mom years so I didn’t really have time for anything except being a 24/7 mom. However, no matter what the storyline or who the other actors were, for me it was only and all about Johnny Depp.
If he had been a crappy actor, it honestly wouldn’t have mattered one single bit, but he wasn’t just another pretty face, more expressively beautiful than most — and even in that formulaic sitcom, his acting was nuanced and he had a finely tuned sense of humor. (And that hair.)
He might now own the title of one of the world’s biggest stars, but there seems to be something surprisingly authentic, genuine, and REAL about him — down to earth in spite of or maybe because of any eccentricity. I say “seems to be” because we’ve never met, so I can’t say for sure.
“You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.” —Johnny Depp
In my feverish state, I decided to try and unravel the magical mystery of Johnny Depp’s timeless attraction from his twenties to now at the age of fifty-nine.
Why did we all rally to support him during the trial? Why do we feel as if we are, as he says, his relatives?
Dedicated Depp fans travelled from all over the country to support him in court, standing in line for hours.
They’re buying and selling out his Dior Sauvage Elixir cologne.
They’re loud and proud on every social media platform; they’re at his concerts, they’re rewatching all of his films.
What is it? What is it about Johnny Depp?
I need to figure this out, at least before my fever breaks or the Benadryl kicks in and I fall asleep.
I believe his appeal goes far beyond looks and charisma.
There’s just something about him that defies explanation and maybe that’s the answer. His magical allure defies explanation.
I’m not fangirling here, I swear. I never had a true celebrity crush, not even on Brad Pitt who is pretty cute and a good actor.
Wait a minute. To be completely candid, back (way back) when I was in high school, it was Jim Morrison who touched my teenaged heart (I’ve written about that before) and even though I acted in a few films, no one ever ignited my fantasy-state until Johnny Depp came along, and not in a must-have-his-autograph or a hug or throw-my-bra-on-the-stage kind of way, more like I’d be content to pour us a glass of wine (or a mega-pint) and have a conversation with him, an exchange of thoughts and ideas, but it’d be REALLY hard not to also rudely stare at him. I wonder if he feels his face has been a burden.
I would like to ask him how he feels about the genetically random exterior arrangement of his facial features that causes women and men to feel like this Twitter poster: “that chiseled face or the eyes you can melt in”.
I’m mystified and I’m trying to suss it out. His eyes, lips, nose, cheekbones, eyebrows, voice; these things we all possess, but in Johnny Depp’s case, they crystalize into a human package that conjures up intensely personal devotion and loyalty, and a lot of screaming fans at his concerts.
After Nightmare on Elm Street and Platoon and Cry-baby (and especially that kissing scene), I was hooked, even though I’m aware that it was a John Waters parody spoofing Elvis movies and the juvenile delinquency scare films of the fifties,
He epitomizes the vulnerable, misunderstood bad boy with a heart.
Johnny Depp possesses a certain charming childlike, naive, and innocent quality — not childISH, but a childLIKE wonderment. I’ve also been accused of being childlike because I find neverending joy in things like butterflies and seashells and animals so I can relate.
I’m not wearing rose-colored glasses and I don’t ignore reports of his admitted drug use and alcohol consumption and other behaviors that I don’t share, but he exudes natural charm and charisma and intelligence and humor. Those are indisputable facts.
Could anything be more perfect than the Benny & Joon scene with JD’s homage interpretation of the Chaplin dinner roll dance? I think not.
How about What’s Eating Gilbert Grape with Leonardo diCaprio and the steamy scenes with Mary Steenburgen? Here’s a quote from Steenburgen: “And, oh my God, I loved doing What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. Who wouldn’t love kissing Johnny Depp all day?”
Maybe the director said it best…LasseHallström pickedDepp to play Gilbert Grape because of the way he could express so much emotion through his face and eyes. As an aside, I was happy to see Kevin Tighe from Emergency! as the husband.
Here’s a few of my other favorite Depp films: Edward Scissorhands, Don Juan deMarco, Chocolat, Blow, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, The Secret Window, and The Tourist. I enjoyed his accurate portrayals in Donnie Brasco and Public Enemies, but I’m not fond of violence so I usually fastforward during those scenes. The next one I’ll watch is Minamata.
It’s funny, I’ve only watched clips of his Pirates franchise, but I’ll most likely queue them up too. He makes all of his characters spring to life and they become him and he becomes them, in every film, even the early ones.
As for his personal life, I was only vaguely aware that he lived in France, had a couple of children, played guitar, was friendly with Marlon Brando, and owned an island. I sort of remember hearing that he had a nightclub in LA and was in a band called the Hollywood Vampires, but I was too busy with my own life to focus on his.
I didn’t know he had gotten married until I heard that his now ex-wife had accused him of abuse in 2016, but I never really believed it — after all, it seemed out of character as he had never been accused of anything like that during or after his previous relationships.
It wasn’t until her op-ed in 2018 that I started to foment thoughts that he was being targeted and falsely accused because at the time, everyone was jumping on the #MeToo bandwagon. I had experienced my own #MeToo moment in the past with a casting director so I was sympathetic to the cause.
And then there was the trial. I’ve written about that hereand here.
Like millions of others, I was mesmerized by Johnny’s testimony, impressed by how he could talk about that incredibly painful childhood with dignity, grace, authenticity, and candor. And humor.
After that, attorney Camille Vasquez guided him through excruciatingly personal details about the physical abuse he suffered by his ex wife and that made me respect him even more. It couldn’t have been easy for any man to be so publicly vulnerable and admit he was a victim of intimate partner violence.
At the end of the trial, Johnny Depp won. With the verdict on June 1, the jury overwhelmingly sent a message that he had been defamed with malicious intent.
More random commentary: “He is yummy on a visceral level – wild, those cheekbones, his penetrating gaze from those soulful eyes.”
“His dark features and his phenomenal bone structure: his cheekbones, his jaw , his eyes and his hair. Oh and his nose ! He just beautiful!!! He s crazy handsome.”
He continues to win as he tours Europe with the legendary musician Jeff Beck.
Interestingly, I discovered that as far back as 2016, there was research into the “Depp Effect.”
“Trying to figure out what makes a person attractive has been a hot topic in the scientific community: Do pheromones draw us to others, or face shape, or certain mannerisms? Researchers from several institutions continue the quest with their most recent question — are male faces with feminine features considered attractive? Scientists from the University of Otago, Warwick Business School, and the University of California, San Diego set out to examine the “Johnny Depp Effect,”which involves women tending to prefer men with feminine faces. Their researchrevealed that this effect holds water in some situations, but not all.“https://www.medicaldaily.com/johnny-depp-feminine-androgynous-375978
I disagree with their premise that Johnny Depp has feminine or even androgynous features. He is simply a one-of-a-kind rarity that absolutely defies being placed in a category.
Did I unravel the enigma? Nope. Did I solve the mystery? Also nope. At the end of the day, I think I have to admit that there isn’t a way to rationally explain Johnny Depp. He’s a combination of many enigmatic factors, but the bottom line is how much his essence resonates with all of us.
He is who he is, and I wish him every happiness.
Finally, this from Dakota Johnson, “Working with Johnny Depp was the most gratifying and inspiring thing I’ve ever done. The atmosphere on set was pretty dark, but Johnny was….he is a unicorn”
I may have confessed this before but I can’t remember when or even if I actually did, so apologies if you heard this story before…
The subject of body odor came up recently when my son was looking through my medicine cabinets because he forgot his deodorant and was hunting for mine. (We’re all about sharing is caring around here.)
I reminded him that I have NEVER used deodorant because I don’t need it; never did, and all that proves is that he NEVER listens to me because I know I’ve shared that with him a million times. (The absent-minded professor cliche and all that entails is a real thing.)
I have zero body odor.
I mean, I smell GOOD thanks to Chanel, but even if I’ve been working out at the gym or at the end of an all day hike, I never small bad. Most of the time I don’t even sweat, but if I do, I still don’t smell bad. It’s true.
I remember back when all the grown up changes were happening to my body and my mom gave me THE TALK and we went shopping for THE THINGS. She told me it was also time to use deodorant and we picked out a really cool one (mother-daughter fun times) along with presents for reaching a milestone (and you can see where I acquired my love for shopping!)
I dutifully added deodorant to my daily self care routine but I slowly realized that I didn’t need it. It made no difference to my body’s odors. I just didn’t have one, nor did I perspire. When I told my mom and had her SMELL me at random times, she was surprised but agreed, and as a nurse, her professional response to me was that I was a medical miracle.
I never purchased nor used another deodorant, not even when I was pregnant and my body was going through a million hormonal surges.
Since there was no Google, there was nowhere to research this unusual phenomenon. I wish my mom was here now so I could tell her what I’ve learned about the genetic factors that cause someone NOT to emanate an unpleasant body odor.
In fact, the gene wasn’t even discovered until the 2000s. It also has something to do with having dry as opposed to wet ear wax but that’s too gross for me to think about.
You were right, Mom! I really am a medical miracle!
The ABCC11 protein is important in transporting small molecules across membranes in secretory cells. Mutations in this gene will lead to dryer earwax and decreased body odor. Mutations in the ABCC11 gene may also lead to a decreased risk of breast cancer.
Two percent of people carry an unusual form of a specific gene (ABCC11) that means their armpits never smell.
What I find really interesting is that East Asian and Native American people were already known to have a form of the ABCC11 gene compared with other ethnicities, and as far as I know, I am neither of those. I haven’t done any genetic testing on myself to be sure, but I kinda doubt it.
My DNA is pretty much 100% Jewish princess.
I also know that I didn’t pass that genetic anomaly to my son because he definitely NEEDS deodorant. Most definitely, which is why he was searching in my bathroom. (Sorry, Angel Boy!)
The finding came from research involving 6,495 women who were enrolled in the Children of the 90s study at the University of Bristol, England and was published in the Journal of Investigative Dermatology.
In the study, 117 (2%) of the subjects were lucky enough to carry this gene that allowed them to never have to worry about using deodorant.
People with the ABCC11 non-functioning gene variant have dry earwax and little or no body odor. People with a functioning ABCC11 gene usually have wet earwax and body odor. I didn’t know there was a connection, did you?
ABCC11 is required for the transport of lipophilic substances, bile acids, conjugated steroids, and – most importantly – the component found in apocrine sweat and earwax, which results in odor and wet earwax. Again, gross…
The transporter doesn’t work for people who have loss-of-function genetic variants and thus doesn’t transfer the odor-causing lipids into their armpits.
One day I might do my DNA profile to try and figure out how I acquired this genetic deviation, but for now, I will just be happy to be an enchanted mutant princess who smells really, really good, like a rose!
It’ll stay light here until 8pm tonight, but in the Seattle area where my all my Angels live, it won’t get completely dark until 9:30 or so.
I used to think something significant should occur on these solstices, something to remember or define or to memorialize planetary movements, but usually nothing overt happens, although there’s always the chance that stuff might be fomenting beneath the surface.
So far, this is the only significant event that’s occurred…I’m not exactly sure where, but I lost one of my favorite necklaces, the one I never took off with very tiny diamonds and an impossibly delicate chain. I had it for years and years, just a bit of sparkle that layered well with all my other jewelry. It must have broken and fell off without warning. Since I’m not sure where it happened, it’s even worse because I don’t know where to look. I feel like I somehow neglected caring for it and this is a sign or a message from the universe that I should have been more conscientious and attentive. I hate losing things that I’ve loved and cherished and much like a phantom limb, I can still feel it. During the day, I’ll reach up to touch the spot where the tiny pendant would sit between my collarbones and it’s not there. I don’t often lose things, so this is going to bother me for a while, or at least until I get a replacement, but I’ll always miss what I had before it was gone.
The real world has a sneaky way of intruding on my enchanted life. It’s so annoying.
Seriously, are we really doing this again?
Although in retrospect, I think Mother’s Day is the perfect time to stand on my soapbox and SCREAM to the world.
Mother’s Day isn’t always all about flowers and cards, although it’s nice to be appreciated for our neverending love.
MOTHER takes on new context in this fresh wave of assaults on our reproductive rights.
I don’t particularly care for the word “abortion” even though I’m one million percent pro-choice, because I think that every single right we fought long and hard for is being horrifically and systematically eroded in real time.
Do you know what’s been happening in some of our states? No rights for rape victims. No rights for children who get pregnant as a result of being raped by a family member. What’s next? No birth control, no credit cards, and then rescind the right to vote?
More new repressive and regressive reality:
Eleven-year-old girls are now old enough to…
Legally marry! —YES, Tennessee HB 233
Be charged with homicide for an abortion! —YES, Louisiana HB 813
Can learn about racism? —NO, 31 states pass bills to ban dialogue on racism.
More insanity…the American Taliban now wants to pass legislation in ‘red states’ that will require women to pass a ‘negative’ pregnancy test in order to leave their home states.
Beto O’Rourke said that abortion laws are about “power and control over women” and he’s one hundred percent right.
I’ve shared this before. My mom was a registered nurse who practiced way before Roe versus Wade. Abortions were illegal but that didn’t STOP women from having them; what it did was drive women to back room practitioners or resort to self harm. My mom was on the front lines day after day and this is what she told me about working in a hospital before legal abortions: one infection after another, one hysterectomy after another, one D&C after another, one death after another — women who bled to death, hemorrhaging so profusely with blood loss so severe, no one could stop it.
This is the reality of life before Roe versus Wade in 1973.
Those were some of the reasons why she was an early and fervent supporter of reproductive rights. A majority of those women would have survived if abortion had been legalized at the time.
I’m one of the lucky ones. I CHOSE to have my son. He was planned and loved well before there was even a fertilized egg. However, if I had chosen NOT to have him for ANY reason at all, that also is MY CHOICE. Without government interference and without any religion or man telling me what I can and can’t do with my body. MY CHOICE. My rights.
Probably the most chilling thing about all this is horrible Amy Coney Barrett and Samuel Alito wrote in their leaked opinion that we don’t “need” abortion: “domestic supply of infants for adoption” is their justification for taking away our right to our own body.
This is a real life dystopian Handmaid’s Tale. Basically, they’re attempting to turn us into baby making factories for child trafficking.
My friend Nancy Sinatra (yes, THAT Nancy Sinatra) says, “You know, I’ve been thinking, I don’t want a man, any man, telling me what to do or not do with my body, It’s none of his damn business. Period. I would never tell you what to do with your body so leave mine alone. My body has sovereignty. It’s my temple, not yours so back off!”
From Bruce Miller, Creator/Executive Producer of “The Handmaid’s Tale” “I’m not sure I can ask actors or crew members to travel and work in a state where an ectopic pregnancy would sentence my employee to death.“
Codify Roe v Wade. Once and for all, stay out of my uterus. Organize and march.
From Jada Pinkett Smith’s puppetmastering of Will Smith which led to the Academy Awards slap heard ’round the world, to Johnny Depp’s failed relationship with Amber Heard, the term misandry is now in our lexicon.
If misogynist is the word we use to describe a woman-hater, the correct word for a man-hater is a misandrist. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, misandry is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against men or boys. Misandry can manifest itself in numerous ways, including sexual discrimination, denigration of men, violence against men, and sexual objectification of men. The belief in a matriarchal structure like this is the true ideology for those who wish to completely switch the power structure. http://www.aiesecus.org
I knew of people and situations like this, but never before had specific terminology to clearly define these particular patterns of behaviors.
I’ve known of toxic women who have falsely accused their partners of rape and assault. I’ve witnessed the damage it wrought: emotional, psychological, and financial.
It does a total disservice to those real and true victims — any gender — of intimate partner abuse; it damages their credibility and believability.
For those of you who aren’t my regular readers, I’m nobody special. I’m nothing more and nothing less than a mom and a grandma. I have one son and two grandchildren.
I’m not a medical or mental health professional, but my opinion from my own observations, is that misandry, narcissism, and other Cluster B personality disorders go hand in hand.
I knew I wanted to opine on Johnny Depp, but I wasn’t sure when I would post it. I think now that his case-in-chief concluded, it’s the right time.
Have you been following this trial?
Johnny Depp’s defamation lawsuit against ex-wife Amber Heard has given us a glimpse of what it’s like to try and prove (or disprove) intimate partner violence in court.
He claims that her false abuse allegations defamed him and caused him financial damages, ruining his entire career; especially the loss of acting as Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise and other films.
In a recorded conversation presented as evidence, Amber was heard taunting him, “Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp — I, Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence” and challenging him to “see how many people believe or side with you.”
And that’s exactly what he’s doing.
Johnny Depp has sacrificed his money, his ego, and his privacy to show the world what domestic violence looks like behind closed doors. #mentoo
Tragically, what this trial shows us is that a man must go above and beyond to prove he’s been abused — simply because he is a man. Amber Heard only had to SAY the words and many believed her. Johnny Depp has had to expose every personal and painful detail of his life to just get the world to listen.
Asked by his attorney what he lost, he replied, “I lost nothing less than everything.” I will live with that for the rest of my life because of the allegations,” “No matter the outcome of this trial, I’ve already lost. I lost when these allegations were made cause they will stay with me forever. My life is ruined forever”.
Because of his courage, millions of survivors no longer need to feel alone and unheard.
In my eyes, he’s a hero.
Dr.Shannon Curry provided a court ordered psychological evaluation of Amber Heard. She reviewed audio recordings, videos, photograph, and witness testimonies to result in a dual diagnosis of Borderline Personality disorder and Histrionic personality disorder.
I am proud of Johnny Depp for standing in his own truth with authenticity and vulnerability in the face of raw testimony that included getting a part of his finger cut off, Amber defecating in his bed, cigarettes put out on his face, being punched, and cans thrown at him.
From @Sophie_Choudry So happy #JohnnyDepp is speaking up! Someone very dear to me has suffered years being married to an abusive narcissist. His biggest fear was that being a man, people wouldn’t believe him. Praying this case changes that & people recognise Men get abused too!
No matter what the jury decides, I believe that Amber Heard is the abuser and Johnny Depp was her victim.
Do you listen to your inner voice? Do you pay attention when you’re in a situation and something doesn’t feel right?
I know it’s a been a good long time since we’ve gathered in groups. For me it’s been a bit more than two years because I had a feeling that this mystery virus was worse than anticipated and stopped going to the gym or any other public event at the end of February 2020, a couple weeks before the proverbial shit hit the fan.
Now we’re in this sort of post-pandemic limbo coupled with a country inhabited by repression and rampant racism, banned books, elected officials who want to turn the clock back to a time where women had ZERO rights (reproductive and otherwise), and schools are prohibited from teaching certain subjects and acknowledge individual gender identity — and if we add the genocide in Ukraine, the world seems bleak.
A few days ago I had every intention of attending an all day seminar but I left after a few minutes.
Here’s why:
Right off the bat I got some weird vibes (only way I can describe it) from a group of guys that were clearly in the military. There were about a dozen of them, very young and all unmasked although masks were still required. They stood in the hallway just outside the room. One of them, way too clean cut and extremely militant looking, for some reason picked me out and started interrogating me with rapid fire questions in an insistent, belligerent, almost hostile, overly assertive voice, “Are you the teacher?” “Do you know where we’re supposed to go?” “Are you taking this class, too?” I took a moment to breathe and assess the threat level (haha) and responded, “You sure do ask a lot of questions” and he tried to stare me down before he walked away to stand with the guys he arrived with. It’s not easy to intimidate me so he obviously picked the wrong person. I might be only five feet tall, but that’s misleading if anyone thinks I can be bullied. I can turn into ghetto grandma in the the blink of an eye. (Namaste, y’all.) My initial feeling is that they were white supremacist/Oathkeeper-types. No, I have no proof, only a feeling, and not a good one. Why they were there didn’t make sense.
I observed another man, older, also unmasked, making the rounds of the room before the seminar started. He seemed to think it was one of those instant speed dating events as he chatted with all the women. When he came up to me, I purposely made no eye contact but he didn’t seem to care. “You must be cold. YOU MUST BE COLD.” I glanced at him. “Your arms are folded, you must be cold.” I ignored him. I don’t play the “friend finder” game. He was annoying and obnoxious. He walked away without escalating his sales pitch, thank goodness.
I don’t think it was ME — I wasn’t spewing negative energy — I was minding my own business.
The instructor showed up and closed the door. I was sitting all the way in the back nearest the exit and counted about fifty people in the room with only ten masked, including myself. All I could think about was the newest variant and how it might not be prudent to be stuck in a room with no open windows or air circulation.
When I quietly told the instructor’s assistant that I didn’t feel comfortable being there, she was extremely gracious.
I feel like I totally did the right thing by leaving for all the reasons.
I wonder what the story was all about with those Marines because they were out of place. I heard the instructor and his assistant talking about them too, so I know it wasn’t just me. Something didn’t fit. Something wasn’t right.
Are things back to normal for you now? Would you have stayed?
Enchanted Seashells by Princess Rosebud 