Have you ever fainted? I don’t mean like those fainting goats (also referred to as stiffy goats) who don’t really faint — they suffer from a genetic condition called myotonia congenita, which causes their muscles to stiffen and often fall over when startled or excited — but they don’t lose consciousness, which is the hallmark of true syncope.

And by the way, it’s kind of abusive to startle those poor goats and laugh when they fall over…it’s really not funny, even though Honey Badger was…

Back to MY story. I can’t even recall the last time I fainted, but it happened a couple days ago.

Here’s the scenario…

I was on the sofa watching an older British medical drama called Peak Practice and fell asleep for a few minutes. When I awakened, I jumped up and ran downstairs to draw the curtains and make sure the house was locked up and secure for the night.

As I pulled the drapes closed, I started to feel hot, kind of nauseous and lightheaded, all very clear signals that one should heed, but as I usually do, I ignored every single sign and continued until I became so dizzy that I felt I should go to the sofa on the other side of the room and sit down.

But I didn’t get there in time.

I must have lost consciousness momentarily because the next thing I recall is being down on the floor near the fireplace. A lamp had been knocked over as well as a table with one of my favorite plants, Rattlesnake (Goeppertia insignis). The pot was smashed and there was dirt all over the rug.

I lay there for a few seconds as it was actually quite peaceful in a weird way, and began to triage myself for any major injuries.

Luckily for me, there was no damage except for some gnarly bruising where I hit the fireplace.

This would have been a different story if it had been my head on the bricks, that’s for sure.

I was upset with myself for not paying attention to the warning signs and even more so for the mess on the carpet.

Fainting spells/syncope — are a sudden and brief loss of consciousness caused by a temporary decrease in blood flow to the brain. 

When I felt sufficiently recovered to sit and stand without a recurrence of any dizziness, I ran upstairs to check my pupils which were normal; round, reactive, and equal. My heart rate was strong and steady, not tachy or weak.

Here’s the best part…

Crazy person that I am, the next thing I did was drag the vacuum downstairs to clean up the dirt because I knew that the longer it stayed on the light gray carpet, the more likely it would stain, which would really stress me out. I picked up the fallen lamp and the broken pot, and sucked up the dirt. I ran back upstairs for a rag, bowl of water, and carpet cleaner, and started scrubbing.

When I figured I had done enough (damage AND cleaning), I went to bed.

The next morning I felt fine and I can only assume I experienced an isolated syncope episode and it’s nothing to worry about. Maybe I was dehydrated, maybe my potassium levels were off, maybe I stood up too quickly, maybe I had fallen asleep in a weird position, maybe someone was playing around with a voodoo doll and some dark arts– I have no idea.

Today my body is pretty sore and the bruises are blooming. I’m drinking a lot of water because dehydration was the most likely culprit. Also, I realize that it might be prudent for me to slow down just a bit and cease running up and down stairs, because that never seems to end well for me, like last year’s split leg catastrophe…https://enchantedseashells.com/2024/01/21/tales-of-the-er/

You’d think I’d have learned my lesson, right?

From emergencyphysicians.org, here’s what to do:

If you feel faint, either lie down or sit down immediately. If you sit down, bend forward with your head between your knees to help get the blood flowing to your brain. Wait until you feel better before trying to stand up. If someone else faints, position the person on his or her back and elevate the legs above the heart, if possible. Check for signs of breathing. Loosen belts or restrictive clothing. If the person doesn’t regain consciousness within a minute, call 911.