Category Archives: Humor

The Joy of Karma

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There is truly no greater joy than to have my sweet yet scarily precocious Angels in their car seats as we drive down to the beach, windows down, all of us belting out Karma by Taylor Swift.

They pay no attention to the fact that I can’t carry a tune; we’re nodding our heads and singing along with Apple music. “Play it again, Grandma!”

“Karma is my boyfriend.”

“I keep my side of the street clean. You wouldn’t know what I mean…”
(Picture us mimic sweeping with our hands.)

“Karma is a cat…Purring in my lap ’cause it loves me.”

“Me and karma are like THAT.”

“Karma takes all my friends to the summit.”

“Karma’s gonna track you down Step by step from town to town.”

Like Taylor changed the lyrics to her bf’s name, I also change the words in this line…

“Karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me.”

to

“Karma is my two favorite kids coming straight home to me.”

Time spent with these Angel Kids is a neverending tapestry of shared joyful memories, including singing with tone deaf Grandma.

“Play it again, Grandma!” And I did.

Family Friendly 🎄Holiday Movies 🕎

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What’s your family’s favorite holiday movie?

I liked It’s a Wonderful Life until I got old enough to figure out that James Stewart’s character stood on the bridge contemplating suicide. Somehow that didn’t seem very happy to me and I didn’t think it was the type of conversation we wanted to have with the Angel Kids.

If you watch Miracle on 34th Street, I recommend the original 1940s black and white version with Natalie Wood.

When everyone was here for Thanksgiving, our goal was to find non-animated films with real people. We chose National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase and my absolute all-time favorite, Elf.

My son, DIL, and I couldn’t stop laughing during National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Neither one of us had seen it since it was originally released. A lot of the jokes were lost on the kids (Angel Girl fell asleep right away), and except for one slightly inappropriate part with a semi-nude female, it was slapstick humor at its finest, perfect for a precocious 7.5 year old.

The next evening we watched Elf. I always resonate with Buddy’s everlasting childlike joy and joie de vivre. He’s innocent and trusting, and the overarching message is that love wins every single time. Again, Angel Girl fell asleep immediately, so we’ll have to make it a family tradition and watch it again when she can stay awake.

My two most favorite lines in Elf are “Santa! I know him!” and “So…good news. I saw a dog today.” I say both of those lines year-round, and laugh to myself every single time.

New to me, but released in 2016, is A Nutcracker Christmas. It combines a love story and ballet, what could be better? Well acted and danced, it is a JOY to watch.

Since we also celebrate Hanukkah (begins sundown on December 7), I found a website that lists some family-friendly movies and we’ll watch a couple of them, too. https://www.verywellfamily.com/10-hanukah-movies-to-watch-with-kids-5208915

What are your favorite holiday movie traditions?

Grateful

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There’s always, always something to be grateful for, right?

This morning, I’m thankful for the sky’s breathtaking sunrise. What amazing colors!

The fiery intensity is surreal. No filters, no editing; this is exactly how the sky looked at 6 a.m.

Happy Thanksgiving… or as Jon Stewart said, “I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.“

As Above, So Below

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Did everyone survive 11/11? Are we all freshly intentioned, manifested, and affirmed? I hope so.

I don’t know if I can blame planetary energies or if I must simply and honestly accept full responsibility for the calamity that unfolded for ME yesterday. After watching a few DIY haircutting videos, I THOUGHT it looked easy enough to try a “wolf cut” hairstyle. It’s a cut that works great on curly hair. However easy the videos made it seem, it was for me completely deceptive.

I’m NOT posting any pics, but you can believe me when I say that it was a disaster. I was lucky enough to schedule an emergency appointment with my hair stylist next week, and have total faith in her ability to repair the damage, even as she’s shaking her head while examining my failed attempt.

Today I’m keeping myself far, far away from the temptation to chop off more hair. Since we might actually get rained on in the next few days, I fertilized the lawn and raked up some of the leaves from the mulberry tree. They’re continuing to change color, dry up, and fall to the ground.

As above…

So below…

I love the sound and feel of crunchy leaves, don’t you?

OB-SEH-SHUN | Cell Phone Lanyard

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My new obsession-mission was to locate and purchase the perfect neck lanyard for my cell phone.

I misplace my phone on a daily basis and if that’s not bad enough, I dropped it in the toilet last week. Although it’s surprisingly, actually, completely FINE after that mishap, it made me realize that I need to be more closely tethered to that little rectangle.

Being sick was the perfect time to do an obsessive amount of research about around-the-neck cell phone lanyards, and there’s a lot to learn.

So many decisions! Do I want flat straps or round cords? What’s the best method to attach to my phone? What degrees of sturdiness and stability are necessary, and what’s my price point?

Phone neck lanyards come in a variety of prices, from a low of five dollars to a high of $100+ for a Bandolier brand.

Did I want to order from Amazon or actually walk in a store and SEE the product in person?

I decided that I needed a sturdy metal attachment because I’m tough on my phone–not only do I often misplace it, but I constantly drop it, thankfully not in the toilet (that was special).

I stopped at Best Buy at a not busy time and two employees took the time to show me what THEY use and like. I appreciated their input and endorsement of a brand I was leaning toward simply from my exhaustive research.

Of course it had to be the right color because fashion MATTERS in EVERYTHING. I opted for a bluish-purple hands-free lanyard that works great as a crossbody holder for me.

Even better, those really kind employees further helped me by popping off my phone case and installing it, definitely going above and beyond in customer service.

Since I’m a VERY thrifty grandma, this one was pricier than the cheapest one I found, but the Casetify brand I chose is sturdy, well-made, and comfortable to wear.

Honestly, I don’t know how I survived without this handy accessory.

Adult Regrets | Forever Young

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I’m not talking about the dark night of the soul burdensome self-condemnation kind of regret, but I was randomly thinking about how sad it is that when we grow up, people stop asking us who we’re going to be for Halloween.

There was always a great deal of excitement around this conversation, “Who are you going to be for Halloween?” or “What are you going to wear?”— whether we dressed as a witch or a ghost or a princess or a superhero or a pirate. It’s a way to step outside of ourselves for a couple of hours, to escape into an innocent fantasy.

Some might claim I’ve never grown up and that’s simply not true. There’s a difference between being childISHly puerile and one-dimensional as opposed to the open-hearted ability to discover and appreciate simple, joyful, childLIKE pleasures in life. That’s a good thing, in my opinion.

For Halloween, I’m never scary. I usually dress like a princess (of course) but next week I’m going to be a ballerina. I hauled out my sewing machine and made a longish sparkly pink tutu with a tulle overlay, reminiscent of Les Sylphides.

I’ll adorn myself with pink ballerina earrings (an unexpected treasure from Goodwill), my toe shoes and a tiara, so I’m really going to be a princess ballerina.

Je ne regrette rien. No regrets. Forever young.

Who are YOU going to be for Halloween?

Virtue Signaling

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Virtue signaling: a public expression of opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one’s good character or social conscience or the moral correctness of one’s position on a particular issue.

Take note of how often virtue signaling consists of saying one “hates” things.

It’s another way to convey that someone feels superior to another.

I recently experienced being victimized by virtue signaling, which I feel is REALLY annoying.

Here’s the story:

I attended an event and a couple of women and I were chatting well after it was over. We decided to get together the following week for coffee/tea and continue the conversation since it seemed as if we had common interests.

When we met, we started talking about all the usual things: our personal histories, our children, education, and what we like to do for fun.

When it was my turn to share, I mentioned how much I love to shop. For me, shopping is truly therapeutic. I don’t necessarily mean I have to spend money to reap the benefits; I enjoy looking at pretty things whether it’s for me, for someone else, or finding special presents for the Angel Kids.

And it’s the truth. While I love to garden and bake (for the kids) and a (sometime) community activist, going to stores brings joy.

Well…my innocent confession set off a chain of negative comments…”I hate shopping.” “I never shop if I can help it.” “Shopping is a waste of time.” “I wear my clothes until they’re worn out like rags.”

Virtue signaling 101.

“Shopping is buying into the patriarchy.” OKAY, they didn’t actually go that far, but the spewing of hatred for my pastime wasn’t very nice at all. I felt personally attacked.

What I detected by those comments was their close-minded conspicuous, self-righteous, lofty, superior moral viewpoint with the intent of communicating their BETTER-than-me attitude.

The subtext was that I was a frivolous naive one-dimensional superficial fairy-like creature who doesn’t dwell nearly enough on the somber, grim, seriousness of life. Like they do.

To look down on someone with disdain and contempt for sharing what they do as a leisure activity or distraction is judgmental and close-minded.

I didn’t ridicule THEM for NOT liking retail therapy, although the snarky side of me privately thought that they could both benefit from some (teehee).

I have found this experience to be something I’ve endured several times in my life, and recently. It’s like a moral badge of righteousness for some women to declare how much they hate shopping. “I don’t shop.” “I don’t care what I wear.”

Well, I DO. I love treasures and bargains as much as l love to look at Gucci handbags and Chanel jewelry, not with envy and longing, but with appreciation for the beauty of the craft.

The lesson I learned that day was that I didn’t really have anything in common with mean-spirited people, so they won’t be my new BFFs and I won’t be joining them again for coffee. That wasn’t the only personality difference, though. They had detached parenting styles while mine is more drone-like and very much attached. Their own parents weren’t like mine; they both had complicated and angry issues with their mothers and lots of complaints. I couldn’t relate as mine has been dead for a long time but I miss her every day.

Rant over. I’m going shopping now.

Day Moon Portfolio

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I think today is a day I should try to not further agitate the cosmos and the gods.

I had an appointment for yearly lab work so I fasted from about 7pm last night with ZERO coffee this morning. I don’t mind not eating, but I NEED coffee to start my day.

I arrived at the office on time only to discover that I had misread the doctor’s orders and needed the labwork completed NEXT week, not today.

Not today. My coffee-deprived brain had a difficult time comprehending, as I don’t usually make dumb mistakes like that, but when the technician explained it to me, I realize it was entirely my fault which wasn’t a big deal, but sometimes the little screw-ups hit different, you know what I mean?

It tilted my reality for a minute or two until I regained my mental equilibrium. I drove all the way back home, inhaled some French roast, and looked outside to discover the most beautiful day moon staring back at me, possibly to let me know that it was confused, too,

I love day moons because they make absolutely no sense to me, but I’m over the moon (haha) with these photos because I was unable to see the full moon a couple days ago due to overcast skies at night.

Day moons are cool.

October Fevers and Aussie Binges

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“Whence October is upon us, There shall be magic in the air, why it shall be everywhere. All ye leaves shall fall as Autumn does call. And as the faery folk are now gathering up and foraging, tonight I shall be leaving them a wee offering. Why, I shall leave them a few freshly hand picked Bramble berries & a wee tipple of Whiskey, Oh why how merry they shall surely be.” –Athey Thompson

First I’m hot and then I’m freezing. I confess that I’m having a hard time locating the magic in October. Not yet.

Because I wasn’t very smart last year and didn’t get a pneumonia vaccination, I ended up really sick with the most horrible case of double (bi-lateral) pneumonia, so bad that but for the fact that I’m incredibly stubborn, I would have been hospitalized,

THIS time I got the vaccination, reluctantly, because I always endure side effects for about thirty-six hours: headache, chills, fever. Most people only experience a sore arm but my immune system likes to give me a more ambitious taste of reality.

That’s why I’m now wrapped up in a blanket on the sofa, drinking ginger tea and binge-watching my new obsession, Blue Heelers, an Australian TV show from the 90s about the daily lives of Victorian police officers working at a police station in the fictional small town of Mount Thomas.

I think I’ve pretty much exhausted all the available British shows, so I had to search in a completely different hemisphere. Yes, it’s outdated with the gigantic brick-like cell phones, floppy disks, and scrunchies, but I’m learning a lot of new words like “mozzy” for mosquito, “esky” for Eskimo cooler, “slab” for six-pack of beer, “good on ya” and “you beauty“. I had to look up “it’s my shout, mate” to learn it means whoever said it will pay for the next round of drinks.

Previously my DIL and I loved A Place To Call Home, Rake, The Newsreader, The Doctor Blake Mysteries, and of course, Bluey.

I’m bracing for more vaccinations next week because it’s better to have a robustly active immune than the alternative. The first Covid vaccine sent me immediately to urgent care with an allergic reaction (read about that here) but the rest of them have been well tolerated except for the thirty-six hours of subsequent hell.

Anyway, happy October and stay healthy!

Blink! Is it Magic? 🪄

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At one point, Angel Boy 2.0 would often ask me to do something for him; for example, he’d ask me to reach something or make him breakfast or a snack or to play MagnaTiles, anything really, and he would become incredibly impatient if it didn’t happen RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

As an impatient type myself who wants everything RIGHT NOW, I totally understood.

Instead of getting angry or telling him to wait, I started to say, “BLINK.”

It was enough of a distraction the first time I said it that he stopped and said “WHAT?”

I repeated myself, “Blink.” I mean do it, really BLINK YOUR EYES, OK?”

He blinked and looked at me.

I said, “Did anything happen? Am I magic? Do I possess magical abilities?”

He slowly shook his head…nope. (I’m sure he thought his grandma was totally cray, and he might be right, but he was engaged and interested.)

“Well, I wish I could blink my eyes so that what you want would happen in the blink of an eye, and since it obviously did NOT, it’s going to take as long as it takes. What do you think about that?”

He laughed and I did, too.

It must have been the perfect response for him because we’ve continued the tradition.

“BLINK! Did it happen? Nope, not for me either. I’m still not magical, I guess, still only human.”

It was a more fun way to get my point across that he could be a LITTLE more patient. I think I got the idea from watching Bewitched. Although I can’t twitch my nose like Samantha, I can blink my eyes.

Angel Girl recently did the same thing as I mended a torn dress for one of her dolls. Watching me, she kept impatiently repeating, “Are you finished, are you finished, why is it taking you so long?”

“Blink, girl. Blink your eyes. Is your doll all sewn up yet?”

She blinked and shook her head while her brother nodded with all the wisdom of his 7.5 years.

“See”, I held out my hands. ” I’m not magic. These hands of mine can only sew one stitch at a time and if you want me to do a good job, it’s going to take as long as it takes.”

It’s not like I have the powers of Bianca in Wishenpoof, the story about a young fairy girl who grants children’s wishes, although SOMETIMES I do swirl my arms around and say “Whish” like she does in the show, but sadly, I’m still not magical. Not at all.

No matter how many times I blink MY eyes, I’m only human.

It’s all going to take as long as it takes. Lesson learned. 🪄