Facetiming with the Angels…
“Grandma, Daddy was on his skateboard and didn’t wear his helmet AGAIN!”
“Yeah, Grandma, here’s Daddy, you need to have a talk with your little boy about that!”
(FYI, that’s how they refer to their dad…as MY little boy, It’s really cute.)
This is not the first time I’ve lectured him about this subject.
“Darn it J, you know better, why are you doing that? Stop laughing, it’s not at all funny. Your children tell me EVERYTHING, so WEAR YOUR HELMET! You are a ROLE MODEL! Do you want them to do it because Daddy does? Come ON, you are so smart, be smart with this too.”
“Grandma, did you throw out all of Daddy’s skateboards when he was little?“
And there it is, one of my Angel Boy’s worst traumas. How did they know about that?
Even Mom chimed in; “Yeah, what was that all about? You never throw anything away!”
It’s true. I don’t. I saved every report card and every paper he wrote and every single piece of art he created. Crazy me, I saved the shoes he wore all over Europe when he did his year abroad. I don’t dispose of anything!
Except for those darn skateboards!
To give a little background, this incident happened about fifteen years ago, maybe a bit longer. When he was in high school, he (and his friends) helped build a fairly large skate ramp in our backyard. All during high school and up to when he was in junior in college, it was well used and maintained. I supplied everyone with smoothies and cookies while I kept a watchful eye from the kitchen window.
After AB graduated from college, he went to graduate school on the east coast. His visited home less frequently and the ramp deteriorated from sun and rain.
It was requested of him that he help to remove it as it was now an eyesore and falling apart, that it was a rite of passage and he SHOULD help.
I can’t remember if he helped a lot or put in slightly more than zero effort which was what he usually did when he wasn’t too interested in a project.
His many skateboards were sitting around, also unused, gathering dust.
Here’s where things get a little fuzzy. I literally don’t throw ANYTHING away. I’m an admitted hoarder. I don’t recall the specifics of how and when these skateboards disappeared, but they definitely DID.
I spent the last fifteen years apologizing to my angel boy for throwing out his beloved skateboards, which I know memorialized a meaningful time in his life.
I’ve offered to buy him a new skateboard or several — to make up for my horrible parenting.
I never want to cause him pain, but it’s obvious that he’s still bothered by all of it.
So, this last time, most recently, when the conversation opened up, in front of everyone, I formally apologized AGAIN and asked how or what I could do to make amends.
I’m genuinely sorry that I tossed out (or gave away, I can’t remember) a happy piece of his childhood. It’s really so unlike me and I didn’t do it with malice or anger, but the fact remains that those boards are gone forever.
Anyway, he accepted my apology (again) and said he doesn’t want a new skateboard but I think I’m going to go to his favorite sk8 shop and get him one anyway, or get him a gift certificate so he can choose all the parts that he wants: deck, wheels, bushings, trucks…yes, I was the mom of a skater. It’s language I can speak.
Note to self: NEVER toss anything else out.
EVER.
