This was chalked into the sidewalk near my lagoon. It’s been there for a while and so far no one has tampered with it, so I decided to memorialize the words in a photo. I don’t know who wrote it, but I would like to meet them, because it’s sad yet profoundly hopeful at the same time.
I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this earth (world) alone.
Photo by Enchanted Seashells
Not exactly a river, but a little rivulet next to the lagoon that seems to have no beginning, goes nowhere, and abruptly ends without a trickle. We haven’t had rain for weeks, months even, so there’s no real explanation for the existence of this body of water.
I can relate to the meandering path of aimless inertia; of stagnant apathy. I guess that’s the feeling for today, likely generated by last night’s powerful full moon energy.
And of course because I’m obsessed, I searched for a Leon Russell musical connection. “Watching the River Flow” is a song by Bob Dylan; masterfully produced by Leon Russell. it was written and recorded in March 1971.
As always, I love Leon’s version the best…
The days between Christmas and the new year are suspended in amber; a week of feeling in limbo — at least for me.
The frenzy leading up to Christmas that started at Halloween and progressed to Thanksgiving and finally to December 25 is a mess of cooking and baking and cleaning — and now it’s over, along with the twenty-four hour Christmas music on the radio.
It’s so so quiet outside, like a day during the pandemic.
It’s a great time to shop the after holiday sales, but I have enough wrapping paper and Christmas cards and decorations to last until the next century, so I’m not all that excited about the 75% off prices…although I DO love a bargain.
But — we’re not quite done because the end of the year is only a few days away and that occasion is supposed to be memorialized by some sort of celebration, whether you choose to go to a ball or a party or stay home by the fire with a glass of champagne and try to stay awake until midnight.
And then it’s over — but not until the idiots shoot guns in the air and set off more fireworks that scare all the animals.
I’m not sure I’d call this feeling a full fledged depression, but there’s a term that describes it pretty well… Post Holiday Blues. It sounds like it should be the title of a song, right? PHB refers to the letdown we might feel after all the excitement and anticipation leading up to the holidays.
I hope Santa brought you everything you asked for and enjoy this week in limbo, waiting for 2025.
I’ve had a really tough last few days. My WiFi broke on Thursday– I mean really broke. and there was nothing that the telephone tech could do to fix it so I had to schedule an appointment for a real, live human to appear in person.
The even worse news is that no one can come until Tuesday. TUESDAY.
That’s a lifetime, right? Nowadays, to be without internet access grinds our lives to a complete stop. I’m not sure that it’s a great idea to be so reliant on this technology.
I thought I was really smart and tethered my computer to my phone’s cellular data until I got the message that I was using too much data, so I had to untether…unplug completely.
In some ways, this really feels like the end; doomsday, my own personal day of reckoning. I guess I didn’t realize how totally dependent I’ve become on the internet — in every aspect of my life. I confess that I felt a level of anxiety, stressed out because it was as if I was marooned on a desert island, cut off from the rest of the world.
I was lucky enough to still have a radio because I couldn’t listen to music any other way. It was like turning the clock back more than thirty years.
No computer, no social media.
I had disconnected from cable TV a while ago but no WiFi meant that I didn’t have Prime or Netflix or Roku and I was stuck with only a handful of local stations. Crazy.
I found a couple books to read but it didn’t take me very long to finish both of them. I polished all the furniture, I washed windows, I cleaned out the refrigerator. I worked in the garden. I actually got a lot done, much more than if I had wasted time on the internet.
Psychology Today says excessive use of the internet is known to negatively impact a person’s mental health. It has been associated with mental health issues, such as loneliness, depression, anxiety, and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Cybersex and pornography hurts our minds, souls, and relationships in so many ways — it’s incredibly sad.
While the internet has completely revolutionized the way we live and work in the modern world and opened up opportunities, it’s also closed the world. I believe that, too.
The internet transformed communication, information dissemination, commerce, education, and social interactions in unprecedented ways, reimagining the way we live, work, and interact with one another.
In the old days, we used typewriters to write papers or letters — or we hand wrote them. If we wanted to read a book, we went to library — or the bookstore. There were no e-readers or digital downloads.
If we wanted to hear a song, we listened to it on the radio or we bought a vinyl record, tape, or disk.
If we wanted to watch a movie, we either went to the movie theater or watched whatever came on television, and later we had Blockbuster to rent movies, remember that?
Upon reflection (since I’ve had a lot of time to THINK) I think life was better because there was more one-on-one interaction. Being alive didn’t feel as disposable as it does now. We didn’t expect everything to happen instantaneously. We didn’t give up as easily on things. We didn’t discard things as quickly. We learned how to take care of them and mend them if they broke. We didn’t feel the need to rush out and buy the latest new thing that was being sold, and then obsessively track its every delivery movement. (That’s me.)
It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure. I only lasted three days before I packed up my laptop and drove to the (empty) city parking lot to access their free internet.
This is where I am right now, sitting in my car, typing away on their signal. After this, I think I might hit up Amazon and look for a new table runner to accent my now beautifully polished and shiny dining room table.
The pain is real. How long could YOU last unplugged?
Full of #gratitude and being #grateful with a poem by one of my favorites, Becky Hemsley, to help dispel any lingering Saturday blues and also because it’s too hot to stay outside.
When the ocean waves engulf you
And there’s water all around
And when you feel you’re in so deep
You might as well swim down
When the forest’s looming darkly
And you can’t see your way through
When the trees are overbearing
And they’re closing in on you
When every path is dangerous
And treacherous to tread
And you decide to stop
And stay forever lost instead
Well…
I hope the sea is sapphires
That buoy you with their blue
I hope they shine a little
Of their precious light on you
I hope the forest prides itself
On all its emerald leaves
And helps you see your brilliance
Through the darkness of the trees
I hope your paths are gilded
And are lined with golden hues
Where ruby roses grow through grass
That shines with diamond dew
I hope you feel the sunshine
And the warmth that it possesses
I hope you see the way the clouds
Are shining at their edges
‘Cause there’s richness in the darkness,
When you’re lost, beneath the surface
There’s treasure waiting for you
And I promise you it’s worth it
So don’t give up or in
‘Cause pressure builds a precious stone
You’ve everything you need
And you are stronger than you know
So please keep going up and through
Keep walking, swimming, climbing
And keep on searching clouds for silver
Sewn into their linings
—Becky Hemsley
I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me, And what can be the use of him is more than I can see. --RL Stevenson
This haunting photo of the ocean is a total mystery. I don’t remember where or when I snapped it, but it’s intense.
I can certainly relate. I’m working on the shadowy crevices between total darkness and the love and positivity that shines a light into the murky gloom.
Embrace and make peace with our shadow with a lot of love and self compassion.
Some Wednesday wisdom.
“Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” Eckhart Tolle
Born in Germany and educated in the UK, Tolle’s teachings focus on the power of present moment awareness, which he believes is key to achieving a sense of inner peace and fulfillment. Tolle encourages us to focus on the present moment and to let go of negative thoughts and emotions, in order to experience a deeper sense of self-awareness and connection to the world.
There will always be a hole in my heart for all my loved and departed souls.
I had a dream about my Border Collie and I thought of “melon collie”, our joke because Victor loved to eat almost anything including cantaloupe and watermelon, and then I saw this.
Sometimes this is exactly how I feel; a void left by grief, sitting on a bench, adrift in sadness.
I’m updating this post to include some research into this sculpture because I feel it’s relevant.
Albert Gyorgy felt intense sadness and isolation with the loss of his wife and went on to create this beautiful piece of artwork as a way to cope.
This hole represents the massive void that we all feel when we lose someone dear to us, and many people have expressed their appreciation for this sculpture for it portraying the exact emotions they feel, but perhaps haven’t been able to quite put into words.
Curated from: https://www.penwellgabeltopeka.com/Blog/6245/Melancoliesculpture
Russia is front and center in the news these days; I wish men all around the world would stop using violence and bullying to solve their personal issues.
Toska is a Russian word roughly translated as sadness, despair, melancholia, lugubriousness (lugubrious is one of my favorite words); also a dull ache of the the soul, a soul pining, spiritual anguish.
One of my grandfathers was born in Russia and maybe that’s why that emotion resonated with me.
According to Vladimir Nabokov ,“No single word in English renders all the shades of toska. At its deepest and most painful, it is a sensation of great spiritual anguish, often without any specific cause.”
I wonder if it’s similar to anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure, a common symptom of depression.
I found a spa, restaurant, and other businesses named Toska and wonder if the owners realize that they branded their business with a word that translates to despair…not sure if that’s the message they wish to convey.
As we transition into another Mercury Retrograde (whatever that means) and another super moon, this Sunday finds me in a sort of melancholy mood. The Full Flower Moon coincides with a total lunar eclipse in some areas, so a lot is happening above us.
As above, so below.
These words from Rainer Maria Rilke resonate deep within my heart.
“So you mustn’t be frightened, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do.
You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall.
Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going?
Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change.
If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.”
Have a lovely Sunday, everyone!
Enchanted Seashells | Princess Rosebud 