The Banana Man

That’s what we call him because we don’t know his real name. All we know is that one day there were a whole lot of bananas perched on a picnic table at the beach.

I asked the gentleman who was sitting nearby if he knew who they belonged to and if we could have one. He said he had brought them and he had an organic farm nearby where bananas grew like weeds so he always brought them to share. He also grew cherries and peaches and loads of other yummy things, but we were fascinated by the bananas.

They looked exactly like this photo. They were the BEST bananas we had ever eaten. As we were packing up the car to go home, Banana Man (never got his name) told us to take some with us, so we thanked him and did just that.

Here at Casa de Enchanted Seashells, I have two banana plants that have never borne any fruit since they were planted, so I wish I knew what he was doing right..

I’ve been learning a lot about bananas. They’re an amazing creation by Mother Nature.

Bananas grow in a formation called a “bunch.” Each bunch contains multiple “hands,” and each hand consists of a line of bananas referred to as “fingers.”

The cluster of bananas we buy at the store is technically a “hand”. A full bunch—what grows on a single stem in banana plantations—can weigh more than a hundred pounds and contains several hands.

Most people have a total aversion to the white stringy things on a banana and meticulously pick them off, but not me, mostly because I’m too lazy to remove them.

They’re called phloem bundles, the plant’s internal plumbing system that transports nutrients (sugars, water, minerals) from the leaves to the developing fruit as it grows, acting like tiny veins. They’re completely edible, nutritious, packed with fiber, and safe to eat, often containing more complex fibers than the rest of the fruit, making them a bonus source of goodness, not to be discarded. 

Can you eat banana peels? You shouldn’t eat a raw banana peel because it’s tough, bitter, and often coated in pesticides; however, it’s actually edible and nutritious (high in fiber/potassium) if thoroughly washed, preferably organic, and cooked to be blended in smoothies, baked into breads, or used in curries.

If totally organic, try boiling banana peels to drink as a nutritious tea.

Another use for banana peels is as a fertilizer, which I’ve done. Sometimes I save a bunch of banana peels, soak them in a gallon of water for a few days, strain, and use on the plants in the veggie garden.

Is there anyone who does NOT like bananas? I don’t think so, or at least I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t. It’s one of the universal first foods for babies; mashed and smashed.

Bananas are packed with essential nutrients: potassium, vitamins B6 and C, fiber, and magnesium, providing quick energy from natural sugars, low in fat and protein.

We all know what to do with overly ripe bananas, right? Banana bread never gets old. Check out my Recipes Category for several recipe ideas that incorporate ripe bananas.

🍌

Shout Out Good Parenting: More of THIS

Have you done this?

Recently I was standing in very crowded and chaotic place (physically, not emotionally lol) and I observed a bit older than toddler-aged child having a problem coping with it and was having a meltdown. I could totally relate because I get a bit disoriented in crowds and noise, too.

The mom crouched down to talk with her son. She told him she understood that he was having a hard time and it was OK, that she understood his feelings and was trying her best to figure it all out. She didn’t yell at him, she didn’t censure him in any way; she respected the big emotions he was feeling as he was trying to process this scary atmosphere. She didn’t meet his emotions with anger. This was awesome parenting.

After she finished and he calmed down, she stood up and I told her she was a great mom and handled the situation in an amazing way. It was immediate positive reinforcement.

Her face brightened, and she thanked me, gave her son an extra hug, and they were on their way.

We should all take the extra minute to understand the behavior of little ones and to use that time for emotional support, not to be annoyed or lose your temper.  Listen to your children and validate their feelings. 

Have you ever noticed great parenting and complimented them for it? Sometimes it really does take a village.

A Glimmer of Hope

In the midst of this dystopian hellscape in which we’re enmired, something beautiful happened in my little beachy town, a glimmer of hope that humanity is not completely dead.

A hundred or so of our neighbors showed up to celebrate the retirement of everyone’s favorite mail carrier.

When news spread throughout his neighborhood routes that our special and beloved mailman was retiring after forty-two years, a plan was formed to host a potluck in his honor at our local park.

This guy has been more than someone who simply delivers our mail; he’s become one of the family. There are few people who have an inner light that shines brightly. We all have been touched by his many kindnesses and we wanted to return the love, not that we haven’t gifted him with things over the years, but this needed to be a spectacular celebration, a send-off he’d remember.

Families from all of his routes showed up with food, decorations, and gifts. People we’ve said hi to for decades now had a name, and we shared stories about our personal experiences; especially his sweet tooth!

Since I’m known to be extra, I contacted our mayor and asked him if he could possibly create some sort of formal commendation or award to present to this exemplary human. He liked the idea which had actually never been done in the history of our city, and asked me to write a little speech for him, which I did. He took it a step further and created Mailman Steve Day and presented him with a framed award.

It was an old-fashioned community gathering, enjoying a beautiful SoCal evening AND happily for me, a little Leon Russell chat.

I yelled out to a neighbor, “Hey, Leon!” because he has long white hair and a beard, so of course I always refer to him as “Leon”, and another neighbor said, “Why do you call him Leon? That’s Jim.” and I told him it’s because he looks like Leon Russell. His response was, “How do you know about Leon Russell? Do you know Mad Dogs and Englishmen?” I showed him the playlist on my phone and told him to pick a favorite Leon Russell song and he chose two of my personal faves, “Girl From The North Country” and “Cry Me a River”.

Someone else requested “Tight Rope” and “A Song For You” and as a crowd gathered, we had a proper singalong. These guys knew every word and we all marveled at the musical genius of the one and only Master of Space and Time. #goodtimes

Best of all for me is that I’m still referred to as “Jason’s mom” even after all these years. It was so heartwarming to have several forty-year-olds (!) fondly remembering the backyard skate ramp and shared lovely memories about my original angel boy. I am so very proud to be Jason’s mom.

This happy community gathering to honor our mailman shows me that there IS hope for our country, even if it’s hanging on by a thread.

P.S. Next Saturday, October 18, is another day to protest the regime, another NO KINGS DAY, and I’ll be on the frontlines to again gather with my neighbors, this time to protect free speech and save America.

Is It Ever Too Late To Make Amends?

Is it ever too late to say you’re sorry, to make amends, to repair the damage? That’s actually today’s theme but you have to keep reading to figure out where this is all going.

When I see these guys skateboarding together, it hits hard. It fills my heart with joy but it’s also bittersweet to realize that so much time has passed. Tick. Tock.

OG skater dad is his hero right now. The kids had no idea their teacher dad could skate.

Being well-rounded and balanced is important, right?

When the original Angel Boy wanted a skateboard, I weighed the pros and cons (cos it could be dangerous) and decided that it was a way to balance his intense interest in books and school, not that academic success wasn’t critical for his future, but skateboarding helped him feel “cool” and more relatable with schoolmates. It was about the only time his head wasn’t buried in a book.

As far back as elementary school, his nickname had been “the professor”, which was actually, happily, prophetic, but he enjoyed skating so much that we worked hard to get a skatepark built in our city and also created an Explorer Post to be eligible for donations which eventually funded the members on a state-wide skatepark trip, which was EPIC.

There was a skate shop near school where the kids would hang out and that’s where they met some of the famous skaters from SoCal: Danny Way, Hawk (of course), Sal Masekela, and Muska. Angel Boy even named his kitty after Muska.

It was a really nice time to be a kid, before our stupid little town ruined it all by rampant overdevelopment.

Here he is, nicely executing a flip. I can’t count the probably thousands of times this move had been practiced and failed and practiced again until he was proficient. What my mom brain sees in this photo is that he’s not wearing ANY protective gear. It’s a miracle he only ended up with one concussion and a couple of broken bones. No one wore helmets or knee/arm/wrist guards back then. What were we thinking?

The original Angel Boy

During high school, at the height of his interest in skating, we built a half-pipe in the backyard and our house was the cool place to be. I was kept busy supplying the kids with cookies and smoothies. #goodtimes #smothermother

Then there were many inevitable graduations and milestones; a doctorate and post-doc; an empty nest. The skate ramp was silent and began to deteriorate as it was never used nor maintained.

An executive decision was made to have it dismantled because it was in such poor, sad, unsafe shape.

At one point, when AB came home and saw it was gone, he was NOT at all happy. He felt that he hadn’t been included nor consulted in the conversation and not only was it a surprise, but I think it represented the end of a happy chapter in his life.

Actually, over the years I had explained to him a few times that he needed to help maintain it if he still wanted to use it, and like most things I said, he either didn’t listen (or ignored me), but in hindsight I agree that I could have been more sensitive. I guess I didn’t know how much it meant to him. It was an important rite of passage.

But I did something even worse…

I got rid of his skateboard! I didn’t do it with malice, honestly!

One day I was cleaning out the garage and thought it was never again going to be an activity he was interested in so I set it out near the street. I literally had no idea that he would ever want it for any reason; to ride or for the memories of all the fun he had skating OR to share with any future children…

But I was wrong…I was such a bad mom!

During a visit home, he asked for his skateboard because he wanted to show the kids some of his cool moves and when I told him I had put it out in the driveway and someone took it, he was SO ANGRY!

I fully understand that he felt betrayed and I felt horrible about it, especially since I’m known for never throwing anything away. Why that? I have no idea, but I did, I admit it.

I’ve been trying to make amends for the last twenty years. Yup, that was all about twenty years ago.

And now I’m offered the opportunity to make it right.

His clone, AB 2.0, is now obsessed with skateboarding!! He went to a skate camp this summer and got his very first real skateboard. Like all the sports he’s tried, he has some real talent, just like his dad. Watch out, Tony Hawk!

Is there anything more adorable than seeing a little guy all decked out in a helmet and safety gear, positioning himself to drop in? I think not.

Bad pic from a video AB 2.0

In this case, it’s not too late to make amends because I was finally able to replace AB’s sk8board and that feels good.

I did it. I made amends. I bought the skateboard; I made the necessary reparations and repaired the bad mom damage.

Even better, I was able to watch those guys skate together which is such a mom/grandma moment. Heart is bursting with love!

(And hopefully, Dad WILL wear his helmet at all times, or I’ll hear about it when the kids call me to tattle on him.)

Sometimes it’s not too late. All is takes is the honest willingness to want to make things right, even two decades later.

“Why are you always in the kitchen?”

These incredibly observant Angel Kids of mine are full of nonstop chat as they watch my every move with their laser focused eyes and brains, especially when they sit at the counter (their favorite spot), waiting to be served exactly like baby birds in a nest with their beaks open wide for mom to bring a freshly caught worm..

“Why are you always in the kitchen, Grandma?” “It’s like you have a force field around you and you’re stuck in there.” (He is SO funny.)

“Yeah, Grandma, you’re always in the kitchen!” Angel Girl has to offer her opinion, too. ALWAYS.

I stop chopping veggies or flipping pancakes or cutting the crust off another slice of bread (only for Angel Girl), and respond with a question,

“Why are you guys always hungry?”

Well, that made them think a bit, that’s for sure.

“Good point”, Angel Boy 2.0 sagely nods as he ponders what I meant by that, as he chews on a slice of apple.

Those kids LOVE apples as a pre-meal snack. Sometimes dipped in nut butter, but they’re perfectly satisfied with a bowl of sliced apples.

The key is to give each of them their own bowl or they’ll squabble about equal amounts. “Why does s/he have more than me?” Since I only birthed one child, I’m not used to this kind of sibling behavior. I actually find it incredibly annoying and to avoid listening to it, for me, separate bowls are the easiest solution.

They eat a lot, not junk food or snacks, but wholesome and dense nutrition. That’s what healthy kids do; eat, play, sleep. They’re exactly like puppies. Their growing bodies and brains demand it and I’m only too happy to oblige.

“Play with us, Grandma. We’ll even play Candyland just for you. Or Scrabble.” That’s quite the concession on their part, as they know those are my two favorite games.

“How about after you guys have this smoothie and ants on a log and a (lentil/oat/kale) muffin, we’ll play. How does that sound?”

Two curly heads nod in unison.

Eat, play, sleep.

******************************************************

Featured photo by Enchanted Seashells at Crystal Cove. Vintage kitchen, not mine.

Random Kindnesses

Early this morning, I opened the back door and walked on the deck. Near the steps, I saw a motionless bee which I gently nudged with a stick and found him able to move ever so slightly. I brought him a small amount of water in a jar lid and watched as he thirstily inhaled a few drops. As soon as he had enough, he stumbled down the rest of the steps to a shady area on the ground.

I’m not sure if I helped him or simply prolonged the inevitable, but at least I did something to aid a living creature and that always feels good.

Later that morning, I went to the grocery store where I picked up some yummy cherries and cucumbers and avocados.

The woman in front of me had a lot of items and it looked like she was making a special dinner, maybe anniversary, or at least that was the little story I told myself as I patiently waited my turn.

I noticed that she didn’t have her own shopping bags and I watched the clerk take out a couple “store” bags and fill them with her food. After the food was paid for, the employee asked her for thirty cents to pay for the bags, which was really odd because usually they’ll ask before, so they can add it to the total. Right??? So my spidey senses were on alert as I observed the conversation.

The lady became flustered as she looked in her handbag because she didn’t have any cash or change. I could see that she was super embarrassed and I could totally relate. It didn’t seem as if she was unsheltered or didn’t have money; she was well dressed with great jewelry (I always notice stuff like that).

I said, “Let me check. I think I have thirty cents.” I usually don’t have ANY cash or coins either, but I did locate enough to pay for her store bags.

The poor woman was beside herself with gratitude, wanted to pay me back, couldn’t believe I would do that for a complete stranger, asked me my name, WAY overly intensely thankful and appreciative for a mere handful of coins.

I told her it was my pleasure to help and it wasn’t as if I offered to buy her food (haha) and she could pay it forward to someone else in the future and keep the good deed moving along.

Because her gratitude seemed oddly disproportionate, I thought it was possible that she had a bad day and my minor act of kindness gave her a bit of hope — who knows.

She did seem close to breaking down, poor dear. And all for THIRTY CENTS! I wonder if this was some sort of low rent scam so the employee could pocket the money, but that was most likely not the case. Anyway, it was a strange encounter and I was glad to help because it did seem that was the only way I was going to get out of the store, haha. (BTW, I had my own bags.)

Sometimes I’ll see someone do a kind but simply mundane gesture and I’ll just get filled with this unexplainable joy that someone did something nice for someone else with no strings attached; no ulterior motives, no agenda.

After that experience, I went to Sprouts because I was out of probiotics (I love probiotics). The woman in front of me in line (same scenario!) turned to me. She held out a couple pieces of candy wrapped in shiny gold foil and asked me if I wanted them. She said they were free and pointed to where she got them, somewhere else in the store.

I told her how much I LOVE free things (I really do) but asked why she didn’t want them. She explained that she had tasted another one and they were milk chocolate and she only likes dark chocolate. I said I like all variety of chocolate (except white) and gladly accepted her little gifts.

Two acts of kindness were immediately repaid by another; what a great (and sweet) day!

Featured image credit to oechsli.com

Non-Thought: Thought-terminating Clichés Are All Around  

This blog is exactly like my personality: random

One minute I’m searching for seashells or a rock that speaks to my heart or I’m reveling in a designer treasure found at the local consignment shop after a day protesting that orange POS and the fall of democracy, yet at the same time, on any given day, I’m a voracious reader, whether it’s chick lit or poetry or something that catches my eye on social media, all the while obsessing over Leon Russell, Master of Space and Time. There are definitely many tabs open on my laptop screen (and in my head).

Like this…thought-terminating clichés.

How many times have you heard this (or said it)? “Everything happens for a reason.” Did you find it helpful or frustrating? I find it frustrating and not helpful AT ALL. It makes me feel the person I’m talking to either doesn’t care about what I’m saying or is trying to act superior and patronizing.

For me, that attitude completely terminates the conversation. Sometimes I respond with “Does it really? Does everything REALLY happen for a reason?” but mostly I simply stop talking. There’s nowhere to go after that; for me It’s a convo-ender.

A thought-terminating cliché is a common saying or phrase used to shut down further critical thinking or debate about a topic. These phrases often present themselves as universally accepted truths or wisdom, discouraging deeper exploration or questioning. They can be used in various contexts, including conversations, debates, and even within workplaces or religious groups. 

The term was popularized by Robert Jay Lifton in his 1961 book Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, who referred to the use of the cliché, along with “loading the language”, as “the language of non-thought”.

It’s also known as a semantic stop-sign, a thought-stopper, bumper sticker logic, or cliché thinking and is a form of loaded language—often passing as folk wisdom—intended to end an argument and quell cognitive dissonance with a cliché rather than a point. Some such clichés are not inherently terminating, and only becomes so when used to intentionally dismiss, dissent, or justify fallacies.

1. “It is what it is.” Used to dismiss any deeper inquiry into a situation or problem.

2. “You’ll figure it out.” Used to avoid helping or being asked for help. Condescending.

3. “Boys will be boys.” – Used to excuse or dismiss male behavior, often inappropriate or immature.

4. “Let’s agree to disagree.” Used to end a debate without resolving the underlying disagreement.

5. “Everything happens for a reason.” Used to shut down further questioning about why something occurred.

6.””Only time will tell.” Used to avoid making a decision or judgment about a situation.

7. “Such is life.” Used to dismiss the complexities or frustrations of a situation as being typical or unavoidable.

8. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  Used to trivialize suffering or hardship without addressing its impact.

9. “God works in mysterious ways.”  Used to stop questions about religious or moral issues that are difficult to explain.

10. “It’s a free country.” Used to justify questionable actions or opinions without further discussion.

11. “You can’t win them all.” Used to discourage further effort or reflection after a failure or loss.

12. “Better safe than sorry.” Used to justify overly cautious behavior without considering the consequences of inaction.

13. “Everything in moderation.” Used to avoid discussing the nuances or dangers of certain behaviors or choices.

14. “That’s just your opinion.”  Used to dismiss someone’s perspective or argument without considering its merits.

15. “Let’s not rock the boat.” Used to discourage change or questioning of the status quo.

16. “This is the way we’ve always done it.” Used to resist change or new ideas without considering their potential benefits.

17. “Time heals all.” Completely puts a stop to any discussion that isn’t in agreement.

To transform thought-terminating clichés into conversation catalysts, we can create alternative phrases or questions that encourage further exploration and dialogue.

Here are some antidotes, each designed to open up rather than shut down conversations:

  1. Instead of “It is what it is”:  Ask, “What factors have led to this situation, and how can they be addressed?”
  2. Instead of “Boys will be boys”:  Query, “What behaviors are we accepting, and why, and how can we foster more responsible actions?”
  3. Instead of “We agree to disagree”:  Suggest, “Let’s delve into our differing viewpoints to understand each other better.”
  4. Instead of “Everything happens for a reason”:  Pose, “What can we learn from this situation, and how might it influence our future choices?”
  5. Instead of “Only time will tell”:  Consider, “What potential outcomes can we anticipate, and how can we prepare for them?”
  6. Instead of “Such is life”:  Reflect, “How does accepting this situation impact us, and are there aspects we can change or influence?”
  7. Instead of “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”:  Explore, “What challenges are we facing, and how can we grow or learn from them?”
  8. Instead of “God works in mysterious ways”:  Ask, “How can we find meaning or understanding in this situation?”
  9. Instead of “It’s a free country”:  Discuss, “How do our individual actions impact others, and where do we draw the line between freedom and responsibility?”
  10. Instead of “You can’t win them all”:  Consider, “What can we learn from this loss, and how can it inform our future efforts?”
  11. Instead of “Better safe than sorry”:  Ponder, “What are the risks and benefits of our choices, and how do we balance caution with opportunity?”
  12. Instead of “Everything in moderation”:  Question, “How do we find a healthy balance, and what does moderation look like in this context?”
  13. Instead of “That’s just your opinion”:  Offer, “I appreciate your perspective. Can you share more about how you arrived at this viewpoint?”
  14. Instead of “Let’s not rock the boat”:  Encourage, “What potential benefits and challenges could come from addressing this issue?”
  15. Instead of “This is the way we’ve always done it”:  Propose, “What new methods or ideas could we consider to improve this situation?”

Curated from desireebstephens.substack.com/p/the-power-of-silence-unpacking-thought, Wiki

A Grandma’s Mantra: “Read a book…” 📚

Back when the original Angel Boy began to walk and talk, my default response when the “I’m bored, I have nothing to do” complaints started, has always been, “Go read a book.”

Now I do the same thing to the grandkids, especially Angel Boy 2.0 who has become a wonderful reader.

Recently we were in a baseball card shop and he was TAKING LITERALLY FOREVER to look at cards and decide which ones he wanted to buy and figure out how much of HIS money he was willing to spend and how much he could get from me. That scenario brought up happy deja vu memories of his parsimonious dad at the same age. The thrifty apple didn’t fall too far from THAT tree, haha.

I walked outside, I walked back in, I pulled on his shirt and whined, “Are you almost done? I’M SO BORED!!”

Without skipping a beat, he said, “Hey Grandma, why don’t you go read a book!

And then he laughed and I laughed but I got the last laugh because that proved that he had really listened to me. A total win for Grandma!

I gotta confess though, I was SO BORED in that card shop, every minute seemed like an hour. Memories.

It’s really funny, because the original AB is NEVER without a book and leveraged that love of reading into a Yale PhD, writing his own book (published by a prestigious house), and tenure at a major uni, so I guess my annoying mantra helped guide his path to success.

Grandma’s Mantra:
📚 If you’re bored, read a book!
📚 If you have a minute before school starts, read a book!
📚 If you’re waiting for a doctor’s appointment, read a book!
📚 If you can’t think of anything productive to do, read a book!

Try my method; it really works!

📚

Super Bowl LIX : Nope; Not Watching, Don’t Care

UPDATE: Haha, I know that the Philadelphia Eagles won! I didn’t watch it but I’m happy that the appearance of that orange POS caused the Chiefs to lose!

This is probably the first year since 1980 that I won’t watch the Super Bowl.

I don’t care about the commercials, especially not the ones about DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) from Muskrat, the half-time show, nor the actual game.

The Kansas City Chief’s quarterback Mahomes is incredibly unlikeable, as is his magatrumploving wife.

Travis Kelce is OK and the Taylor Swift connection is interesting, but that’s not enough to get me excited about the game.

During the regular and post season, I believe referee favoritism and the officials’ bias made some terrible and questionable calls in favor of the Kansas City Chiefs that caused the other teams to lose.

That’s totally unfair.

Some believe it’s a full-blown NFL conspiracy to boost TV ratings with the presence of Mahomes and Taylor Swift. Others think it’s the subtle bias that allows star players to get favorable whistles.

Another benefit to NOT watching the Super Bowl is not having to listen to the nasal whinging of plastic man and maga Tom Brady — NOT a fan.

Whatever. I won’t watch, but I hope the Eagles win.

P.S. Getting back to reality, we’re fully immersed in a constitutional crisis along with the death of democracy, which I feel is more important than the distraction of a possibly rigged sporting event.

Out of Body Experience or Astral Projection?

Whew! Something strange happened to me as I embarked on a late afternoon walk around the lagoon, about three miles or so.

As I was walking and walking, the sun began to set. I took a photo of the sky even though I know the colors resulted from a couple local brushfires.

Unedited photo by Enchanted Seashells

As I walked up the hill, I guess my mind wandered; at least I think it did. I’m actually not really sure what happened.

At some point I realized that I had lost a chunk of time.

In one way, it seemed like time stood still, and in another way, it seemed as if I had been walking for HOURS, and yet I felt like I wasn’t even really in my own body, or even in my own specific reality.

I was somewhere else, or more accurately, I had BEEN somewhere else; again I’m not sure where.

When I came back from that nowhere land, it’s not that I became dizzy or lightheaded, but I definitely felt a sensation of a jolt back to my physical body when I looked around and realized that I was still walking but I’m not sure how I got to where I was — which probably makes no sense at all.

I said out loud to myself, “Well, that was really strange. Where did I go?

Where was I? Did I enter a portal to a different dimension? Did I unintentionally astrally project somewhere? A different time and space? I can’t rule out dissociation, but there had been no Immediate preceding traumatic event. I was simply walking.

Was it astral projection? A meditative experience? Did I really enter a portal?

I can’t remember that ever happening before. It wasn’t unpleasant, but I didn’t learn any earthshattering truths about the universe or receive any profound messages from beyond.

If it was a gateway to different spiritual planes or realities, I guess I prematurely returned HERE too soon to retrieve any memories.

Maybe I entered Leon Russell’s “…place where there’s no space or time…”

Have you ever had a similar experience?