Tag Archives: pain

Word Of The Day: Bedridden

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I couldn’t think of anything to write today, so I looked at my recent situation and decided there was no other way to describe it: bedridden or bedbound.

From Pinterest

A bedbound person still retains some limited movement and can actively participate in their care, such as repositioning or feeding themselves. A bedridden person is completely confined to bed with minimal to no mobility, 

Let me reiterate and I’m not being melodramatic at all; shingles/herpes zoster is not something you can ignore.

Most things I don’t take very seriously; an injury, a fall, a brief bout of the flu or a sore throat, but THIS was lifechanging.

The pain is really indescribable, and now I understand why I felt paralyzed when I had it as a child; it’s really that overwhelming. I’d show you the photos I took of every stage of the rash that covered my entire right side, but it’s too gross to share.

For the past two weeks, I’ve literally not been able to walk, to move, to exist — without extreme torment, and that’s not an exaggeration. Waiting too long to inform my doc so that she could prescribe an antiviral was completely stupid of me.

Now that I’m nearing the end of this disease cycle, it’s time to reflect on what it means to be bedridden or bedbound, because for me, not being active is hell on earth.

Not being able to go for walks or work out is torture. I lay there in agony, thinking about how my muscles and joints were actively atrophying from disuse, and that just added to my depression. The garden suffered too, since I couldn’t water anything and we’ve had no rain for months. It looks sad and dismal, kind of how I feel.

The antiviral meds made me extremely fatigued, so I honestly couldn’t move no matter how badly I wanted to force myself.

I was bedridden, or more accurately, sofaridden, because the sofa was slightly more comfortable than my bed.

Spiritually, pain is widely viewed as a catalyst for growth, a profound teacher, or a signal of energetic imbalance. Rather than mere suffering, many traditions frame pain as an invitation to look inward, release resistance to change, and align more deeply with your authentic self.

I’m not too sure about that. What I have learned is to call for medical help sooner, to stop being so stubborn, and to get the shingles vaccine. No way I want to repeat this lesson. I got it. Message received.

“Darling, Be Home Soon”

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I’ve been waiting…..for the great relief of having you to talk to...

Pain is a crazy thing; it has a life of its own, it takes over every minute of every day, and that’s all you can think of — it’s like oceans of pain with no relief.

Anyway, stubborn me finally called the doc to tell her I had shingles. She immediately called in a prescription for an anti-viral. She said I’m a bit outside of the 72 hour window for it to be totally effective, but she hoped it would still work to relieve the intense burning and stabbing pain and shorten the duration of this cycle of hell.

I can’t get comfortable, I can’t lie on my back or my right side and sitting is also excruciating, so I’ve given up attempting to find the least tortuous position. I’m sick of watching TV, too. Sleep is elusive because I can’t get comfortable.

Awake at 3am, these lyrics were swirling around in my delirious brain…“darling, be home soon…”

I couldn’t remember what song it came from, so I opened my computer and searched. I learned that it was originally written and performed by John Sebastian of the Lovin’ Spoonful for the soundtrack of Francis Ford Coppola’s film You’re a Big Boy Now, and another version included in the Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour.

Not only was our magical Leon Russell a brilliant songwriter, composer, pianist, and singer, his arranging skills were off the chart.

Here’s the original of Darling Be Home Soon by the Lovin’ Spoonful and the Leon Russell version with Joe Cocker of the Mad Dogs and Englishmen tour.

Bonus! Master of Space and Time, Leon Russell, on guitar. You beauty!

They lyrics are quite poignant and as beautiful now as they were in the 60s…

Come and talk of all the things we did today
Here and laugh about our funny little ways
While we have a few minutes to breathe
And I know that it’s time you must leave

But darling be home soon
I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled
My darling be home soon
It’s not just these few hours but I’ve been waiting since I toddled
For the great relief of having you to talk to

And now, a quarter of my life is almost passed
I think I’ve come to see myself at last
And I see that the time spent confused
Was the time that I spent without you
And I feel myself in gloom

So darling be home soon
I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled
My darling be home soon
It’s not just these few hours but I’ve been waiting since I toddled
For the great relief of having you to talk to

So darling…
My darling be home soon
I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled
My darling be home soon
It’s not just these few hours but I’ve been waiting since I toddled
For the great relief of having you to talk to

Go and beat your crazy head against the sky
Try and see beyond the houses and your eyes
It’s OK to shoot the moon

Darling be home soon
I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled
My darling be home soon
It’s not just these few hours but I’ve been waiting since I toddled
For the great relief of having you to talk to

What’s The Cosmic Message? Full Moon? Mercury Retrograde?

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Which gods could I possibly have offended?

I don’t know what crime I could have committed to justify this shingles pain in my leg, but I’m SORRY. The agony is unrelenting, which is making me delirious. It feels like being stabbed with a thousand cattle prods, not that I know what that feels like, of course.

In addition to the Full Strawberry Moon, we’re dong another Mercury Retrograde until July 23, this time in the emotional sign of Cancer, and because of that, the focus is largely on internal and emotional processing rather than just external tech and travel glitches (though those can still happen).

The powerful combination of the Strawberry Moon and Mercury Retrograde brings a period of reflection, emotional healing, and personal transformation.

The Strawberry Full Moon symbolizes abundance, sweetness, gratitude, and the harvest of early summer. From Indigenous traditions, the name honors the peak season for wild strawberries. Spiritually, it invites us to celebrate our hard work, savor the present, and release patterns that no longer serve.

I really wanted to delve into any other reasons for this debiliiating nerve issue…

Spiritually, shingles is widely viewed as a profound mind-body wake-up call, often signaling that your nervous system is deeply depleted and that you have been ignoring your body’s quieter warnings to slow down.

Shingles are indicated by their telltale blisters: angry, painful wounds rising from beneath the skin. It is something hidden deep within that is deciding, right now, to rise to the surface to be seen and felt.

Shingles often flare up after prolonged periods of intense stress, emotional exhaustion, or unresolved trauma. It represents internal turmoil—such as hidden grief, suppressed anger, or guilt—rising to the surface to be acknowledged.

So all of that led me to wonder why it was only on my right leg, and why that’s the side I injured when I fell UP…

In many holistic and metaphysical traditions, injuries on the right leg symbolize an imbalance related to taking action, moving forward in the world, or masculine (yang) energy. The right side of the body generally represents the “doing” side, while the left side is the “feeling” side .

Core Spiritual Themes of Right Leg Injuries:

Resistance to Moving Forward: Because the legs provide locomotion, repeated right leg injuries may suggest a subconscious hesitation to take the next step in your career, relationships, or life path. You may feel “stuck” in a specific situation.

Masculine Energy Imbalance: The right side is traditionally associated with “yang” or masculine energy, which governs drive, assertiveness, and logic. Injuries here might point to a struggle with assertiveness or conflict with male figures in your life .

Root Chakra Imbalance: The legs and hips are governed by the root chakra (Muladhara), which controls your sense of physical safety, stability, and grounding. Injuries here can indicate a deep-seated fear of instability or an inability to feel grounded in your daily life.

While all of that is interesting information, none of it helps to relieve this agony. I stupidly decided not to take an anti-viral medication because the potential side effects seemed scarier than anything. Instead, I’m using calamine lotion, witch hazel compresses. antihistamine cream, and Tylenol, which offer slight comfort.

I cannot wait for this torture to be OVER!

    Another Day, Another Injury, Another Life Lesson NOT Learned

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    I’m searching for whom or what I can blame for my latest stupid injury, like maybe Mercury Retrograde or the 11/11 portal?

    I surely don’t think I would set an intention for — nor manifest — bodily damage, so I guess I’ll have to accept 100% of the blame for this one, which I knew was going to happen seconds before it did.

    Here’s the scenario: I was planning to step off the deck, about a foot or so, onto some pavers. The wind had blown a small rug onto the pavers but at the same time that I chose NOT to bend down and remove it, I had the thought that there was a real and distinct possibility that I couldn’t see where I planned to step down, so I REALLY should take the two seconds to remove the rug — but I did not, and there I was, once again on the ground because I had not only awkwardly trapped my foot between two pavers that were obscured by that damn rug, but, as I fell, the edge of one of them hit me HARD at the exact location of my previous split-open shin, I then fell on my wrist (one I had broken a few years ago) and sprained the other ankle as it folded under me, an ungraceful vision, most definitely NOT a pretty sight; not princess-like in any way.

    Ouch.

    Covered in dirt and leaves, I sat there for a while like I always do, assessing the damage and shaking my head at my own stupidity.

    The scar from before looks pretty angry and a bit bloody. There’s already a bump and a lump and is blooming some ugly bruises, but no broken bones this time, at least I hope not. I can live with the sprained wrist/ankle; at this point we’re old friends.

    When will I ever learn?

    Somebody once said “a definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” It’s been wrongly attributed to Einstein, but some people think it’s from Rita Mae Brown or a 1981 Narcotics Anonymous pamphlet.

    Maybe insanity is not exactly my issue, but I hope one day I learn not to be so careless and impulsive about my personal safety.

    A Bunny at the Beach and Chanel

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    Look, a BEACH BUNNY! I saw this adorable creature today at Tamarack Beach in Carlsbad.

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    There are normally a billion ground squirrels that live on the bluffs, but I rarely see a rabbit, so this was a special event for sure.

    Last week the temperature here was 105 degrees; today it was drizzly and in the low 60s, so I decided to take a little walk to the beach. I went the long way ’round and ended up walking about nine miles.

    It’s pretty much downhill to the ocean-super easy- but that means it’s all uphill on the way home, so I’m pleasantly tired.

    When I got home, I checked for mail and looky here what I found!!! A sample of Chanel’s new fragrance, Garbrielle, accompanied by the most amazing affirmation…just what I needed right about now.

    “I decided who I wanted to be, and that is who I am.”

    DAMN RIGHT, COCO. You got that right, GURRL.

    No automatic alt text available.

    After enduring the shittiest of all shitshows of shitty years, swimming my way up and out and slowly being pieced back together, reforming and rising from the ashes of despair and pain, THIS IS A SIGN.

    As I tapped out the letters that spell “despair”, I wanted to make sure it conveyed exactly how I felt so looked up the definition and nodded my head in silent agreement, “the complete loss or absence of hope”.  YUP. Nuff said.

    The little perfumed card is propped up on my bedside table, and wonder of all wonders, there are two owls hooting to each other in my backyard.

    Life is GOOD, y’all. Life is GOOD.

     

     

    Kesha: Poet and Visionary

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    It’s SUPER HOT today with a fierce Santa Ana sort of heat where every breath is so tortuous you can feel it bone deep, so I’m drinking tons of water (really), working on a few indoor projects, and listening to music.

    Since I never really grew up or adulted successfully, I used to sing along with Ke$ha’s TikTok  or Your Love is My Drug and I Kissed a Girl with Katy Perry–I know, I know, can you imagine how embarrassing it was to be that grown up professorial child of mine as a captive audience on the way home from college when I picked him up from the airport?

    Gotta vision of me singing?  Love these lyrics: “Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack–Popo shut us down” lol…

    Tee hee. Oh well, like I told him a few dozen times, one of us had to grow up, and he was IT!

    Somewhere along the way while I stayed in this perpetual state of adolescence–immobile, stuck in amber like a 40 million-year-old fly…Ke$ha became Kesha and grew up.

    This song.

    These words.

    This real anguish.

    Listen hard. Feel her.

    I get it. Oh yes, I get it. Way too much. Way too real for this fantasy-dwelling-timid-forest-creature-rose-colored-glasses wearing grandma. Maybe there’s hope for me and one day I’ll grow up too.

    Nah. That ain’t never gonna happen.

    Check out these lyrics. Poetry and pure angst. Beautifully painful. Painfully beautiful.

    Praying
    “Am I dead? Or is this one of those dreams? Those horrible dreams that seem like they last forever? If I am alive, why? Why? If there is a God or whatever, something, somewhere, why have I been abandoned by everyone and everything I’ve ever known? I’ve ever loved? Stranded. What is the lesson? What is the point? God, give me a sign, or I have to give up. I can’t do this anymore. Please just let me die. Being alive hurts too much.”

    Well, you almost had me fooled
    Told me that I was nothing without you
    Oh, and after everything you’ve done
    I can thank you for how strong I have become

    ‘Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell
    I had to learn how to fight for myself
    And we both know all the truth I could tell
    I’ll just say this is I wish you farewell

    I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying
    I hope your soul is changing, changing
    I hope you find your peace
    Falling on your knees, praying

    I’m proud of who I am
    No more monsters, I can breathe again
    And you said that I was done
    Well, you were wrong and now the best is yet to come

    ‘Cause I can make it on my own
    And I don’t need you, I found a strength I’ve never known
    I’ve been thrown out, I’ve been burned ([Live version:] I’ll bring thunder, I’ll bring rain)
    When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

    You brought the flames and you put me through hell
    I had to learn how to fight for myself
    And we both know all the truth I could tell
    I’ll just say this is I wish you farewell

    I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying
    I hope your soul is changing, changing
    I hope you find your peace
    Falling on your knees, praying

    Oh, sometimes, I pray for you at night
    Oh, someday, maybe you’ll see the light
    Oh, some say, in life you gonna get what you give
    But some things, only God can forgive

    I hope you’re somewhere praying, praying
    I hope your soul is changing, changing
    I hope you find your peace
    Falling on your knees, praying